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The Nouveau Elite
by N. L. Wilbur
2010-09-30 09:58:58
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Spitting in the face of the American dream and shitting in the pool of American prosperity, the new radical wing of the Republican Party has launched a campaign to replace elitism and intelligence not just with populism, but with Proletarianism, ignorance, and inexperience.

The Tea Party candidates who’ve recently ousted “establishment” Republicans in primary elections across the country are gaining momentum with what is, essentially, a “dumber is better” campaign philosophy.

In politics, where clarity, honesty and common sense are treated like inbred neo-Nazis, candidates appeal to the people by spewing rhetoric about how connected they are with the “average American.” Historically, though, these candidates are about as close to average as Clinton is to fidelity. The modern argumentum ad lazarum is no longer a fallacy but an indisputable truth. Under this new regime, the status quo of Washington as a country club of intellectual elitists with doctoral degrees and CEO positions in multi-national corporations will be replaced by a status quo much more familiar to the American people: today’s candidates have no money, no connections, no actual lawmaking experience and little to no education – just like most Americans. It’s a dream come true for Joe Six Pack.

The argument is simple: Smart people have been running this country since its inception (the founding fathers were intellectuals, inventors and high-class statesman of one kind or another), and look at what a mess it’s in! For the first time in history, Americans will have an option on the ballot that allows them to vote for someone who actually does represent them, in all their averageness.

The average American spends about 20 percent of his waking life watching television, has no college education, and makes about $32,000 per year. The average American is also increasingly supportive of this new political party that promises to deliver a government “of the people, by the people – just like the Constitution says.” The average American doesn’t care that “of the people, by the people” isn’t actually in the Constitution, or that “freedom of expression” isn’t in the Constitution. They can’t name the prime minister of Britain or the chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. The average American doesn’t even know how long it takes the earth to circle the sun.

They believe that God, angels and miracles are real; that homosexuality results in eternal hellfire; that masturbation is sinful; that Obama is a socialist who is responsible for the TARP bailouts; that healthcare reform will destroy the economy; and that Saddam Hussein was involved in the 9/11 attacks. The fact is, facts don’t matter. Not in this political climate of nouveau elitist averageness.

So does it come as a surprise that “establishment” Republicans are losing their seats to Tea Partiers who talk about “righting government” by bringing morality and Godliness to Washington, even without having so much as an inkling of knowledge as to how governments are run? It shouldn’t.

Moderate Republicans lost to radicals in the primaries because, mainly, they’re hypocrites. They campaign on splinter issues like gay marriage and abortion, they claim to stand for morality, religion and family values, they talk a lot about humbleness, piousness and spirituality, but they then turn around and enact policies that do nothing for the righteous blue-collar Christian demographic and everything for the wealthy (elite).

Out of the top five most influential GOP leaders in the country right now, four have doctoral degrees, two were lobbyists who later ran for office, and one ran the 10th largest pharmaceutical company in the world. That’s not exactly “average.”

The top five Democratic leaders aren’t any different than Republicans in terms of wealth, power, education and general “elitism,” but Democrats don’t shy from their status. They’re unpopular right now because they embrace their elitism on the basis that intelligence, fostered by higher education, is exactly what average Americans ought to want both of their national leaders and of themselves. They fight for the middle class by making college affordable, improving social programs, throwing money into education and taxing the hell out of the rich to pay for it all. (The immoralist Clinton, remember, left office with a surplus of $236 billion.)

But isn’t it sort of…I don’t know…RETARDED that uneducated, unintelligent, inexperienced, average Americans would prefer their equally unexceptional peers to educated, intelligent and experienced national leaders?

Perhaps that statement in itself sounds elitist or anti-average-American. Perhaps it is. But what kind of American dream will the next generation be chasing if their parents encourage them to seek out an average life as an average person of average intelligence with an average job earning an average salary and making an average contribution to their country, their city and their community?

Average people don’t run countries, colleges or corporations. They shouldn’t start now.

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