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Mummy likes it on top
by Asa Butcher
2009-07-31 09:49:39
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Don't worry, this isn't the long-awaited follow-up to the My Dad's balls article that shocked a number of Ovi readers last year. Instead, this is about baby clothing - don't click the Back button just yet, bear with me! There is a new range of t-shirts being marketed in New Zealand that carry slogans such as "I'm a tits man", "The condom broke", "I'm living proof my mum is easy" and "Mummy likes it on top" and, rather surprisingly, they have drawn a great deal of controversy – I bet you are paying attention now or even digging out your credit card!

As a father to two girls, one of which is in the target range, I think these slogans are fantastic, witty and unique, but I wouldn't dress either of my princesses in them. Firstly, I received enough grief and 'child abuse' comments from friends and family following my daughter's first appearance in a pink Newcastle United hoodie and, secondly, they may be funny now but one day the baby will be a teenager looking at photographs of herself dressed in one of these items: “Daddy, is Mum easy?”

After you have explained that her mum is as easy as a Rubik's Cube, you will be left facing a dubious teenager who is hardly going to be satiated by Dad's reassurance that the condom didn't really break and that she was 100% planned... really, honestly, truthfully! For the sake of a few laughs with friends and probably some shakes of the head from the puzzled grandparents, these t-shirts are really not worth the future hassle they are likely to bring.

Risqué clothing for children is hardly a new craze, with clothing stores and fashion designers facing criticism in the past for t-shirt slogans such as “Future Porn Star", "Miss Bitch" and "Mr Well-Hung", yet those were for children that could read and may wear to school. We were once given a child's t-shirt that had “Chubby” scrawled across the front and we thought that was unsuitable for our daughters, so I couldn't imagine the conversation with my wife if a “Miss Bitch” t-shirt was unwrapped one birthday morning.

It seems as though these latest slogans are trying to push the boundaries of taste just to get a reaction from members of the public and the press, yet we should be grateful they haven't crossed the line drawn in one episode of “Family Guy” when Lois was trying to get her daughter Meg to dress a little sexier:

Lois: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.

Ahh, “Sperm Dumpster” written in glitter on the front of a baby's t-shirt would really get the veins throbbing in foreheads across the globe, but we should be glad that moral decency and taste are still holding strong, while designers are still embracing their freedom of expression. I can understand why some parents may grow tired of the same-old children's clothing that has Disney characters, cartoon superheroes and countless other generic imagery, but they should think twice before indulging their own inner child.

It is strange how as a father these t-shirts are quite unnerving, yet that inner child still inside of me would love to buy one of each. I wonder how much press these slogans would have received if they had just been printed on adult clothing for really brave grown-up children to wear in front of their parents... now, how much would a large black t-shirt with “Mummy likes it on top” wriiten in glitter cost and would they post it to Finland?

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N2009-08-02 09:42:40
I hope your wife smacked you in the teeth for this. "is as easy as a Rubik's Cube". If you can't figure out and rubik's cube in less that 4 minutes you may be mentally handicapped.

Asa2009-08-03 00:43:50
Nope, never managed to solve the cube. Looks like MENSER membership is out for me ;)

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