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Neanderthal missing link found in Mukkula!
by Louie Parsons
2009-06-18 09:30:36
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A startling discovery was made in the sleepy backwater of Mukkula, scientists have revealed today.
It was previously thought that Neanderthals may have died out because their bodies overheated as the Earth grew warmer. now this has been dismissed as new light has been shed on our mysterious ancestor. It came as a bolt out of the blue says professor Aspendos Daliman.

A routine scuffle in a Mukkula school yard led to a biting and a routine trip to the hospital where tests revealed the child's DNA was slightly different to the normal Mukkula DNA.

By comparing it with that found in modern humans, they discovered that Neanderthals had key differences in the sections responsible for producing energy in all living cells, with further testing the boys parents were given a series of IQ and motor tests where it led to the discovery of a whole Neanderthal line living amongst modern humans.

The differences in this mitochondrial DNA could have caused Neanderthals to be inefficient at producing energy, leading to the settlement in the KELA rich environment of Mukkula.

Differences in these mitochondrial DNA sequences might explain why modern humans were able to survive better while Neanderthals were not.

Mitochondria are tiny structures found inside all living cells and are the biological power stations that produce the energy cells need to survive by converting sugar from beer into energy.
Although not on the same intellectual level as modern Mukkulans they have a unique ability to adapt. mostly hunter gathers who forage at night using the lights of shopping centres and car parks to amass the intake of the much needed sugar from bottled and canned alcohol beverages,"OLUT" to use the scientific term. long dark winters and monthly payments are an ideal breeding time which led to the survival of this once thought lost race.
Professor Daliman has led a team for further investigations but they were chased from the local school as it led to mass panic by the majority of the students who mistook them for carrer guidance teachers. One curious specimen did venture to the edge of the school gates while taking a much needed "OLUT" break. did tell the researchers where the elders could be found but seeing that it was 11.30, they would have to wait till they venture into the open.
The group were found to have a very simple but complex social structure. Group meetings and feedings were carried out in a series of near by buildings known as "RAVINTOLAS" where the elders could maintain their sugar levels at regular times during the day without the risk of having to travel far into the more populated areas, where males fought for dominance using a form of speech know as "KARAOKE" . where on a weekly basis one member is dominant depending on "KELA" payments and sugar intake.
Professor Daliman and his team have decided it is too dangerous to approach or try interact with the group. but using top of the range equipment they have been observing from a distance, the team have cracked some key words in the groups language, such as, Olut. Kela, Ravintola, Kirppitori, Satanna, and Helvetti.
Professor Daliman and his team have contacted the university of Berlin, Neanderthal studies department with their findings, causing a stir in the academic world. The team are now awaiting an International team of scientists and Palaeontologists to join them for more in-depth studies in the area.

Daliman says with the right people and equipment we can find so many unanswered questions about this once lost people, the investigation continues.

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