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by Asa Butcher
2008-10-05 09:50:44
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Hundreds of penguins have been returned to their native territory in the south Atlantic ocean by an air force plane after being found along Brazil's coast.

No, I can't do it... no, oh no... they P-P-Picked up a penguin... sorry! Anyway, I thought penguins couldn't fly!

* * * * * * *

Newcastle caretaker boss Joe Kinnear launches a verbal tirade at journalists he accuses of trying to undermine him.

Somebody needs to give that man a cold bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale.

* * * * * * *

US Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin has accused the Democratic presidential candidate, Barack Obama, of associating with terrorists.

Is that the sound of the bottom of the barrel being scraped?

* * * * * * *

JK Rowling is the world's highest-earning author, making more than £5 every second over the past year, US business magazine Forbes has announced.

I believe it could also be said that the UK Tax Office makes £3 every second...

* * * * * * *

An unusual clash between a 6-foot (1.8m) alligator and a 13-foot (3.9m) python has left two of the deadliest predators dead in Florida's swamps. The Burmese python tried to swallow its fearsome rival whole but then exploded.

That is Lacoste of being too greedy... again, sorry!

* * * * * * *

Postman Pat has had a 21st century makeover. He has been promoted to head of the Special Delivery Service and has a new range of vehicles, gadgets and even a mobile phone.

Yeah, but he still doesn't deliver the mail until the late-afternoon.

* * * * * * *

Nokia has announced details of its UK Comes with Music service, which will allow 12 months of unlimited music downloads on pay-as-you-go phones.

I wonder if they 'borrowed' that name from somebody else as well.

* * * * * * *

China has been monitoring and censoring messages sent through the internet service Skype, researchers say.

If they could stop Chinese girls wanting to chat with me on Skype then I may champion the cause.

* * * * * * *

I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'O'!

Ottawa? Opium? October? Obstetian? Ohhh, Ovi!

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