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Does my partner love me? Does my partner love me?
by Joseph Gatt
2021-11-28 09:39:45
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Love relationships are simple math, but only our grandmothers know the math. The rest of us tend to be fooled by love and relationships, often because we can't read the signs properly. Perhaps because being in love is such a strong emotion, that people who are in love rarely back down, and that it can be very difficult to reason someone who is in love.

So, how do relationships work.

lov00001_400Ideally, both partners are in love. Rarely the case, but still. Usually, people enter relationships for convenience purposes, usually a mixture of sexual intimacy, social status and material well-being.

And that's why women date football players and men date (super)models. Or women date older businessmen and politicians and men date older career women.

But then, people ask me; is he/she in love with me?

So here are the signs before and during the relationship.

Before the relationship:

-It's often the “small” things that you will notice. Is he/she rude with the waiters at the restaurant? Is he/she talking about things they love, or things they hate? Do they enjoy the food, or are they criticizing the food? Do they have a positive approach to life, or do they have a negative approach to life?

-So if they are acting “positive” and “optimistic” in your presence, they really, often, do love you. If they are being “negative” and “pessimistic” they are probably negative and pessimistic about the future of you two together as well.

-So basically, is he/she hopeful about the future? Is he/she confident that he/she is doing great in life, and has a bright future for both of you ahead of them?

-Warning signs: if, when you two talk to each other, they discuss their past hardships in life, that they are insecure about the future, that they are “stuck” and “cornered” and “have no idea where life is heading” they probably don't really love you. Because if they were in love with you, they'd have a rosier picture about the past and the future.

-Other signs: does communication flow? Do they pick up the phone? Do they try to give explanations as to why they did not pick up the phone? Are they transparent about their life? Are they opaque about their life?

-If they try to make things predictable for you, they are probably in love with you. If everything is a mystery, then they probably don't see things moving forward in your relationship.

-Bonus: do they open up about food allergies, medical conditions, overall genetic health, family and ancestors, and perhaps vaguely about their financial situation? If they talk about these things, they are in love. If they don't, they are probably cautious, maybe not in love.

-Other bonus: do they try to “control” some aspects of your life, without being too invasive? Like do they give their honest opinion about what you should do, or shouldn't do? Do they touch you? Do they ask you why you showed up to such and such event, or why you didn't show up? Those are good signs.

-Other bonus point: are they curious about your food allergies? Overall health? Genes and ancestors? Philosophical outlook on life? These are good signs.

Point is, if they don't care about your health, well-being, plans and goals in life, geographic origin and ancestors, family ties, financial situation, diet and habits, overall organization in life. If they don't discuss those things, they are probably just playing around. If they let you roam around free as a bird that probably means they are not very comfortable in your presence, and with your presence. You're just a sex toy, social status toy, and material toy. Not looking good.

During the relationship

So you two are in a relationship. Yay!

-First warning sign: does he/she avoid kissing? Like ask anyone who has been in love, when people love someone, they kiss them, like, a lot. And they can't get enough kissing. So if they ain't kissin' and that they claim it's their culture or whatever, that's not true. When people love you, they kiss you.

-Other warning sign (I'll start with the naughty stuff before moving to the politically correct stuff): when you two have sexual relations, does he/she take all their time to get started? As in “let's do it after the movie!” or “let's do it after the late shows are over!” Mmmm. Not a good sign. And then, when you do it, does he/she try to finish as quickly as possible? If it's a guy, he'll be eager to be done. If it's a girl, she'll ask you to stop after three minutes. Not a good sign.

-Other sign to lookout after: when you touch them, kiss them, or during sex, do they pull their bodies away? Do they pull their face away? Not a good sign.

-Other small signs you two probably won't last: does your hubby/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend suggest movies/series/dramas/sit-coms that both of you will like? Or is it the kind of stuff only guys/girls are into? Does he/she pick a movie that they know YOU will love. Or do they pick stuff that only they are into?

-Do they spend lots of time alone (reading, watching sports) or do they try to spend time with you? Do they try to share the chores? Or do they make you handle all the chores?

-Big one: are they trying to having children as late as possible, and constantly deferring having children? Or are they trying to have children, like, the sooner, the better?

-Are they happy that you're pregnant? Or are they concerned and a bit anxious?

-Do they always come home with a good story to tell? Or do they come home with horror movies in their life? Are their stories all roses and butterflies? Or do they share stories about ambulances, people in a coma, people who caught cancer, and dead people who died violent deaths? Those things say something about how they feel about you!

-Do you both share tips about how to make money and increase your income? Or do you constantly fight about money and spending? Are you more focused on making money, or on spending it? Hint: if you, as a couple, are more serious about making money, you're in love. If you're more serious about spending money, and don't discuss ways to make money, I think you could be in trouble further down the road.

-Health: as a couple, do you work on trying to be healthy? Like do you try to pick up healthy habits? Or do you neglect health? Keep in mind that keeping it healthy means trying to have healthy children, and trying to be around long enough to see your healthy children grow up to have their own healthy children.

-Family: do you love each other's family unconditionally, and are you concerned for your extended family's well-being? Or do you hate your in-laws and avoid talking to them. Hint: if your in-laws don't like you, and that you don't like them back, it's usually because your in-laws don't see a bright future for the two of you. In some rare cases, it could be sabotage. But more often, it's because the in-laws feel that the two of you are not a good match.

-Philosophy and outlook on life: do you two share completely different (and inconsistent) philosophical outtakes on life? Are you flexible (and inconsistent) with your philosophical views. Or do you share compatible and more or less rigid philosophical outtakes on life? Hint: if a couple stops going to Church, that's usually (not always) the first step in a series of steps that will lead to a divorce.

-Sharing information: finally, do you share information on a regular basis? Or do you try to keep everything hidden and secret?

-And of course, the small aggressions. Some men, and some women, when they are not really in love, will say aggressive and rude stuff to their partner, and will claim that they are just “joking” or that it's just “their style” or “their culture.” Could you imagine yourself being in love and putting down the love of your life?

-And, of course, do they discuss the possibility of being in another relationship? That might come out as a joke, but when the joke is repeated a few times, that probably means they are slowly considering an exit to the relationship.

If you want additional advice, ask your grandmother, or any grandmother. They will have seen it all. From the robust stuff, to all the couples who collapsed. From the genius, to the stupid stuff couples do.

Good luck, and hope now you know better!


   
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