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The 'Can I Get an Amen' Schism The 'Can I Get an Amen' Schism
by Leah Sellers
2021-06-23 10:14:41
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Brother Deadwood steps up to the Church Pulpit to address His Church.

“Halleluiah, Brothers and Sisters !
Can I get an, “Amen” ?!
chu001_400Now, all of you need to be made aware that there are some in our midst
Who are sayin’ that some of the rest of us gathered here at this auspicious Baptist and Evangelical Con-vention
Are not Christians but ‘If-stians’ !
‘If-stians’ !
Imagine that, Brothers and Sisters in Christ
It appears that there are those of us, raised behind the Walls of Church and sittin’ in the very same wooden pews that All of us have experienced throughout the years who are callin’ some of us
Brothers and Sisters of ‘If’ !
Not Brothers and Sisters of Christ
But Brothers and Sisters of ‘If”
Because some of us dare to declare OurSelves to Be bonafide, purified and rectified, red-blooded, Freedom-Lovin’, Gun Totin’ (concealed or otherwise, and half-cocked), Bigoted, Sexist, Racist, Authoritarian leanin’, (‘cause Adam deserves to Rule over it All ’cause of Eve and her serpentine temptin’ apple), Xenophobic, Homophobic, Phobiaphobic, Difference opposin’, Opportunity seekin’ to the point avaricious Greed, Americans who have a right to Exclude and Put into their Place any Other Being who does not meet Our Standards, Our Traditions, Our Skin color, Our Idea of a Real Man or a Real Woman, Our Pre-Judged Measuring Tape we Use and with which we Choose to hurt, maim, kill, ruin, repudiate, extricate and mutilate any Other Creature “If” they do not Measure Up
And Because of these natural negative feelin’s and dis-regards
There are those who dare to call Us
‘If-stians’ and not Christians !

I believe in Christ, my Brothers and Sisters !
Can I get an, Amen ?!
And I take The Holy Word of God Almighty seriously no matter how many years of Discoveries and Explorations of Expanded Knowledge We may have attained and Choose to ignore if it does not fit the Ancient Cultural biases found within the Sacred Text of this here King James Bible !
Or However many Evolutionary Cultural Transformations and Progressions have passed since its scribin’ !
Can I get an “Amen” ?!
Yes, I know that Christ told us to Love Our Neighbor as OurSelves
To Be Compassionate
To Be Healers
To always Reach Out and Toward One Another
To Always Seek to Do what is Right in the Sight of Our Maker and Creator
To Do our Best to Always Be our Best
But what if that Neighbor is the dreaded Other
Or Black or Brown
Or Yellow or Red
Or Muslim or Buddhist or Hindu, or Atheist, or Pagan, or Agnostic
Or Humanitarian, or Catholic, or Jewish, or too short, or too Tall, or Different Thinkin’ and Livin’ than All of Us, or Sick or Tired or a part of the Huddled Masses and grumblin’ and mumblin’ Unionized Underpaid Employees who actually do all of the hard Work and Building in this Great Nation of Ours yearning to Be Free and Solvent
While the Rich, who use me, and other Leaders as their bully pulpit live high on the hog and tax-free, and only God Knows What Else
While The Others, who intimidate the Rich and Plain folk like you and me bring the Value and Quality of Our Property and Our Opportunities and Our Lives down ?!
And I do mean Down, folks !
Down, Down, Dirty and Down !!
What then, Brothers and Sisters ? What then ?!
Are we to sit idly by and let the Godless
The Folks who count Less and are Less
Run amuck, and Run away with our Elections and our Laws.
And all of the Power Structures We’ve all worked so hard to maintain and keep in place at their expense ?!
Are We ?!

And we need to own up to the fact that
We are Christian Capitalists !
Prosperity Christians !
If you work hard and keep your nose to the grindstone
And Attend and Tithe the Church Faithfully
You shall Prosper !
If you don’t
Then the Fault lies with and within You !
Not within the faulty Systems We all work so hard to Maintain
And Allow Many of the Rich to Manipulate
In a myriad of ways
To suit Them
And Them Alone !
As I said before
We Believe in Authoritarianism !
The Bible is full of All Powerful
Kings and Queens !
It says nothing’ about democracies
Although Christ’s Teachings come across as very democratic…
But I digress !
The Men who scribed the Bible
Tell Us that Christ is the King of Kings !
The King of Earth and of Heaven !
And that He will Come to Earth once again for a Great Harvestin’ !
Christ may have rejected His Earthly Crown His first time around for a Crown of Sacrificial Thorns
But He will return with a Crown of pure Gold !

We are All of Us just plain, ‘ole Original Sin-filled Sinners
Thanks to the beguiling Nature of Eve
And the alluring, conjurin’ Serpent’s tongue of Iniquity !
And that is why All Eve’s must be held in check !
Madonna’s and Mary Magdalene’s alike !
And this Right-eous Con-servative Man of God
And this Pulpit are your Authority in All things great and small !
And I Proclaim that
We are Materialistic Prosperity Christians !
And AnyOne not Believin’ or Linin’ Up just like Us
No matter how a Good a Person They might Be
Or how Good a Liberal Christian they may Profess to Be
Is The Other !
The dreaded, and to be reviled and desecrated, Other !
And because of those bare-boned facts I say that we are All
‘What-If-Christians’ !
Not ‘If-stians’ !
Now, what’s the Harm in that ?!
Can I get an ‘Amen’ ?!"

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