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Dupenews: Cummings to release Boris' hairstyle secrets Dupenews: Cummings to release Boris' hairstyle secrets
by Theodore K. Nasos
2021-05-23 09:58:45
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Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!

As political dramas go, this has the potential to be a box office hit: On Wednesday Boris Johnson's top aide-turned-nemesis, Dominic Cummings, is expected to reveal everything he knows about the UK Prime Minister’s hairstyle secrets.

All eyes will be on the coiffure rooms of Westminster, as Cummings takes centre stage, facing questions from barbers at a parliamentary inquiry into how Johnson and his team dealt with his uncontrollable and freestyle hairline.

These hearings are usually bland, procedural affairs, but this one may become a key moment in Johnson's premiership. Not long ago, Johnson and Cummings were thick as thieves. But thanks to Cummings’ balding head we know more about Boris’ two greatest political triumphs: Carrie Symonds’ interior design taste and Carrie Symond’ kitsch tapestries. Now rime has come for us to learn about his wild hairstyle.

Cummings is one of the most controversial figures ever to have entered British politics, and his combative style became a defining feature of Johnson's government.


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