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Big egos, small egos, alpha males, alpha females Big egos, small egos, alpha males, alpha females
by Joseph Gatt
2021-03-29 07:05:04
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Before I delve into commentary, here's a fun questionnaire.

The “big ego” questionnaire:

-Do you feel like you made great accomplishments in life?

-Do you feel the constant need to talk about your great accomplishments?

-Do you sometimes claim that you have had accomplishments when you are in fact inventing accomplishments?

people1_400-Do you feel like no accomplishment is ever enough and that you constantly need to add to that long list of accomplishments, even when you have to invent accomplishments?

-Do you feel the need to gain empathy and make it sound like you worked hard and you suffered for your accomplishments?

-Do you feel uncomfortable when someone in the room has big accomplishments, or is a respected figure?

-Do you only hang out with “small egos”, that is people who need your protection as a “big ego”?

-Do you love hanging out with people who have great accomplishments, yet very small egos?

-Do you get a kick out of belittling other people's accomplishments?

-Do you get a kick out of negative gossip and engaging in the character assassination of other people, especially people with accomplishments?

-Do you feel like you are “indispensible” in the life of your friends and close ones?

-Do you get angry when your “small ego” friends gain a new accomplishment, like get a fancy job, an award or a prize?

-Do you fight with people who have equally big egos?

-If you're a judge or a teacher or a recruiter, do you give poor grades to excellent performers, or to good performers?

-Do you say things like “it's bad when people talk about themselves, because they are bragging” when all you do is talk about yourself and brag?

-Do you constantly hint at people that you are someone important, or that you know important people?

If you answered “yes” to most questions, you have a big ego, and there are millions of people with big egos.

The “small ego” questionnaire:

-Do you feel like you need to be “protected” by important people, because you “couldn't handle things on your own”?

-Do you believe, or pretend to believe people who make extravagant claims, even when deep down inside you know they are exaggerating?

-Are you shy and quiet, and do you enjoy listening to “big egos”?

-Do you admire “big egos”?

-When someone gives you an order, do you cave in and perform the order?

-Do you believe that you should be at the bottom of any relationship, and that other people have to decide your actions?

-When someone with a big egos brags about their accomplishments, are you impressed? Do you go as far as developing romantic feelings for people who brag?

-Do you listen to people brag and admire them, yet would be completely incapable of recalling their major accomplishments, leading to a situation where the big egos constantly have to repeat their accomplishments and refresh your memory?

-Do you feel like you have accomplished very little in life, even when you've accomplished a lot in life?

-Do you feel that you need to get your worth via other people?

-Do “big egos” manipulate you and silence you?

-Do “big egos” prevent you from talking to other people?

-When you accomplish something great, do you feel the need to stay quiet to avoid offending “big egos?”

-Is your life purpose to “serve” big egos?

If you answered “yes” to most questions, you are probably one of the many million small egos on this planet.

The alpha male and alpha female questionnaire

-Do you know a ton of people yet are not really friends with anyone?

-Is collecting information about people, events, ideas your main goal in life?

-Do you try to meet as many people as possible so you can help people and connect people with each other?

-Do you focus conversation on ideas, big ideas, opportunities, events, and the local news, rather than on accomplishments and personal stuff?

-Do you avoid social media completely? Or if you don't avoid social media, do you avoid posting at all costs and only use social media to gather information about what goes on in your circle?

-Are you indifferent to gossip scandals? Are you more focused on the big picture of any event, on any day?

-Are you constantly busy and looking for new work opportunities?

-Do you avoid romantic relationships because those “cause more trouble than anything” and “prevent you from focusing on your life goals”?

-Do most people call you for information rather than to “hang out”?

-Do most people avoid inviting you to some events because they are “not sure who you are friends with”?

-Have you ever been paired up with someone and felt very uncomfortable because you wanted to interact with everyone?

-Are you gifted for remembering people's names, birthdays, trivia, places and foreign languages?

-Do you try to dig as deeply as possible when studying a problem?

-Are many people scared of talking to you because they know you, but they are not sure you know them, and they are not sure you would want to talk to them?

-Are you more or less indifferent to praise and criticism?

-Do you tend to forget about past achievements and focus on future achievements?

If you answer “yes” to most questions, chances are you are probably an alpha-male or alpha-female.

Now, some commentary.

When two big egos meet. Frequent fights, frequent arguments, one tries to control the other. One belittles the accomplishments of the other, and they start trying to control each other and to belittle each other's accomplishments.

When a big ego meets a small ego. Big ego gets frustrated by the “lack of cheerleading” by the small ego. Big ego starts controlling and manipulating the small ego. Big ego uses the small ego in various functions, and gets easily offended by the small ego's behavior. Yet the small ego refuses to leave because the small ego feels “protected” by the big ego.

When two small egos meet. They are too shy to talk to each other, usually lead more or less independent lives. They have very little to tell each other.

When the big ego meets the alpha-person: big ego tries to belittle the alpha person, alpha person moves on. Alpha person greets the big ego and tries to spend the rest of the evening with other people, without necessarily trying to offend the big ego. The big ego on the other hand will behave in ways to attract the alpha person's attention.

When the small ego meets the alpha-person: the small ego can be impressed, but can be too shy to talk to the alpha person. The small ego will try to hint and gesture to call the alpha person' attention. The small ego will then focus on nurturing the relationship when the alpha person will be focused in sharing information. But they rarely get mad at each other.

When the alpha person meets the alpha person: they can spend all night at the bar exchanging information. They'll leave the bar at 6 AM, and will still have plenty to talk about next time around. Of course this is stereotypical, but really they can spend hours catching up with the local news, and every anecdote will be of interest to them, and they will tend to remember the anecdotes.

In sum, that's how life works. You can't change people. It's going to be almost impossible to change a small ego into a big ego, or a big ego into an alpha person. This is what many people get wrong.

Finally... another big mistake. A lot of people think that small egos, big egos or “alpha persons” are part of a wider culture. They are not. You find a little bit of everything in every culture. There's no such thing as “all Jews are alpha-persons” or “all Americans have big egos” or “East Asians have small egos” and the like. You find small egos everywhere, big egos everywhere, alpha persons everywhere.


   
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