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When personality types meet When personality types meet
by Joseph Gatt
2021-01-28 10:09:00
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There are basically three different types of philosophy of life.

persa0001_400The first is individuals who seek power above all else. Simply put, they want other individuals to notice that they have power, and will behave socially and ways that get people to notice that they have power. Such individuals also seek control over other individuals, and seek to dictate the behavior and actions of other individuals.

The second type of individuals is those who seek companionship above all else. These individuals are more comfortable in group settings, and will do or say anything that helps them blend into the group. Such individuals can even spend a fortune or engage in risky behavior to gain the group tokens they need to blend in.

The third type of individuals is those who value themselves and others purely as independent individuals. These individuals (like me) have strong independent individual personalities, and socially interact with people they view as independent individuals.

What happens when these personality types meet and “clash”? Here's a table to sum up how two individuals meet, and how an individual joins a group.

Meets...

“Power” type

“Companionship” type

“Individualist” type

“Power” type

The two individuals will play this game where they will try to get each other to notice their power tokens.

And the two individuals will play this game where they will try to control each other and boss each other around, which leads to power struggles.

Tokens are used in attempts to gain more power, but are met with resistance.

The “power” guy is going to try to control and boss around an individual who merely seeks good companionship.

The individual seeking companionship is going to allow himself/herself to be manipulated, but won't understand why the “power” individual is not seeking companionship on an egalitarian basis.

The “power” individual is going to try to control and boss around an individual who merely wants to be defined as an individual.

If the individual type gains in individuality around the “power” individual, that could work.

But eventually, the “power” type is going to get tired by the individual seeking “individualist” rewards.

“Companionship” type

X

They will blend in together and will erase a lot of their individual traits.

They will try to resemble each other the best they can.

They will share a lot of what they have, and end up looking alike.

The “companionship” type will try to imitate the individualist type.

The individualist type could be irritated by imitation attempts, as to the “individualist” type imitation is a sign of “lack of personality.”

“Individualist” type

X

X

They will share their individual quirks.

Both individuals will discuss how different they are at length.

 

Joins...

“Power” personality group

“Companionship” personality group

“Individualist” personality group

“Power” individual

The group will place the individual, usually at the bottom of the hierarchy.

The “power” individual must work hard to go up the ranks.

The “power” individual usually stays patient and waits for his/her turn to see newcomers join the group so they can boss them around.

The “power” individual is very quickly going to try to assert a leadership role and start “mending” the group to match his/her personality.

The “companionship” group could be put off by the power individual's attempt to lead the group and change the group to match his/her personality, and to subvert to his/her orders.

The “power” individual is going to try to assert leadership in a group where everyone defines themselves as independent individuals.

Orders and bossing around by the “power” individual are going to be met with indifference, perhaps even violence.

Plus, the “power” individual could tell blatant lies in attempts to gain power among the group of individualists. Individualists see that as a “lack of personality.” 

“Companionship” individual

The “companionship” individual is going to seek the company of a group that sees everything as power dynamics.

The “companionship” individual could be put off by the idea that the group is not seeking his/her friendship, but to control him/her.

The individual is going to blend in and behave in ways that conform the group.

 

The “companionship” individual is going to be put off by the lack of cohesion in the group.

The “companionship” individual could be very quiet, listening to the quirks of all the individuals in the group.

But the “companionship” individual will refuse to use “individualist” tokens.

“Individualist” individual

The individualist is going to try to assert his/her individual quirks.

The individualist is going to try to find ways to use his/her individualist quirks hoping that they can gain him/her equal access within all the hierarchies among members of the “power” group.

Problem is, often times, the “power” group will hammer the individualist down into submission and to conform to his/her rank.

The individualist will try to at least use some individuality in a group that values conformity.

The individualist could be thrown out of the group for refusing conformity.

The individualist will come up with a life story and individual quirks that will help him/her blend into the group.

Let me finish by telling a few (fun) anecdotes

-Years ago, I applied for a job at a language school and had a job interview. The owner of the school was a “power” kind of guy when I'm more of an “individualist” kind of guy.

So while during the interview I was trying to assert my individuality, insisting that I speak and can teach many languages and that would help his school. The owner was shooting down my abilities, claiming that he “did not need my skills.” The owner further went on telling stories about how great his school was, and subtly showed me that he owned a nice car and that he had two other schools in the neighborhood. As for my skills, he didn't give a damn about them.

Not only that, but the school owner also kept berating me for what he thought was my “improper” behavior. So basically the guy was interested in hiring me, but wanted to make it clear that he was my boss and that he was in charge.

-An interesting experiment is language schools in Korea where both Koreans and Americans teach. On the one hand you have the Koreans subtly showing their power by dressing up neatly, harboring expensive haircuts, driving expensive cars, and bossing the students around. And subtly showing off that they have power to their colleagues.

On the other hand, you had the Americans discussing their quirky college majors, their quirky language teaching diplomas, their quirky taste and distaste for food, and their quirky travels, along with their quirky boyfriends or girlfriends or partners. And the Americans tried to teach in quirky ways, rarely trying to impose power.

-Final funny anecdote. One day I was invited by a group of “companionship” and “conformist” middle-aged housewives. The housewives met regularly, and there was a lot of conformity. They all had teenage children. They all had similar haircuts and fashion tastes. And their conversation conformed around discussing very conformist topics related to children. Conformist topics were children and their struggles education and getting good grades, how to help their children get better grades, and sharing conformist recipes.

The housewife who introduced me to the group said something like “this is Yossi, I met him at a conference, he's an expert in education, he speaks many languages” at which point my friend was immediately interrupted, and the housewives went back to discussing their children. No one talked to me during the entire event, and the housewives hinted more than once that my presence was not welcome.


   
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