Chapter 3: About Doug. Part 1.

That did not make Doug feel any more comfortable, as he was now all naked with Fin sitting beside him and the chill of the room competing with his sense of shame, forcing his legs to fold towards his chest and his arms to fold on top of his knees.

The 48-year old’s body was fit and slender, after living a very active lifestyle. Since his youth, he enjoyed all kinds of sports and he was a member of his high-school football team. After an injury ended his prospects of becoming a professional player, he turned his attention to any outdoor activity.

A regular gym goer, Doug has managed to maintain a youthful physique, with broad chest and shoulders plus long legs. His blonde body hair added to his hunky appearance, yet he has not managed to keep those on his head.

Where his youth golden curly locks used to be, he now sports a trimmed scalp look, combined with a greying strawberry blonde beard. His piercing blue eyes are framed by a pair of straight thick eyebrows, while a strong, Greek type of nose alloyed with the angles of a diamond shaped face; give Doug a very attractive face.

His Irish heritage has adorned his body with the occasional freckle and a very friendly, child or puppy-like inquisitive warm look, that under his current circumstances fails to live up to its charm and magnetism.

With a surprised and annoyed gaze, he turns to see Fin comfortably sinking in the white pillow placed behind his back, as his leathery outfit was being transformed into a black silky gown, spreading, and spilling over half of the bed.

The dark entity was now occupying half of the bed, colouring it black, while in the other white half crouched a naked shivering Doug. Fin kept his gaze towards the door, before turning towards the uncomfortable man beside him. Like a teacher with a comfortable authority over his pupil, he encouraged Doug to lie back in the bed and relax.

“The nakedness of your human form should not make you feel uncomfortable, as it is not relevant in this realm. What you see as your body, is here only to give you a sense of your self during this process. I am more interested in your soul than your physique and as what you see is only a manifestation of my real nature, so is this body of yours, a reference to your living self. Fear not,” calmly says Fin.

-Yes, but I can still feel the cold and breeze coming from that window, is this again only in my imagination, or one of your “manifestations”?

-I see. You may wrap the sheet around you if this makes you feel more comfortable. The chill that you feel is a result of my presence I am afraid, so I apologize for that. Just like in your world an open window lets a breeze into the room; similarly my crossing to this realm creates a current that manifests as a cold air to you, something which feels familiar with your human experiences. There is a massive amount of cosmic energy flowing all around us right now, but it is best not to focus too much on it.

“Instead we will have to go through your memories and past, and as I pulled the sheet away from your body, so I will gradually reveal your dark side to you. Things you forgot or you want to hide from the light; they will now have to be brought out in the open. This is the most difficult and crucial part of this process” explained Fin with an almost counselling voice.

Doug reached out for the sheet at the end of the bed and pulled it up towards him, then wrapped it around his shoulders covering all his upper body, with only his legs being left exposed. He briefly felt some relief, as he reclined back on his pillow and next to Fin, looking up towards the ceiling. He then lowered his gaze, while leaving a remorseful sigh.

Suddenly everything around him went dark, as he was being pulled by the brightness of the bed linen into a time warp. A sinking feeling comprised of nostalgia, bitterness and resentfulness took over Doug’s body. His childhood was now filling with flashing images his brain; memories and sentiments, which he had not confronted for a long time.

He was raised in a two-bed apartment with his parents, John, and Mary Kelly, both the offspring of Irish immigrants from County Sligo. Being second generation immigrants, they managed to get better jobs than their cognates; however they still struggled to make ends meet with their three children.

Doug had an elder brother, Tom and a younger sister called Rebecca. Their mother worked in a grocery shop as a saleswoman, while their father landed a job as an accountant in a small construction company, which his own father used to work as a labourer.

They seemed to have stable jobs; however, his dad had a lot of vices, which drained the family financially. With his spells of gambling and alcohol addiction, life in the Kelly household was sometimes hectic.

His mother was doing her best to provide all she could for her children, however leaving her husband was out of the question. Her parents would not approve or allowed a divorce. Besides, where could she go with three kids? Coming from a deeply religious and conservative family, it was something unimaginable. The stigma could also be too much for her and the children to  bare, so for their sake she surrendered to her fate.

Besides, marrying John was her choice. She was raised in a very poor and strict household herself, thus she was desperate to leave it as soon as she could. John was a handsome and kind man and he loved Mary dearly. He promised to look after her and for the most part he really meant it. It is just that he could not win against his own self.

They grew a few doors apart in the same neighbourhood, in families very similar to each other. Thus, John knew exactly what Mary was feeling and she needed the most. Unfortunately, he was not the one able to offer them to her, although he largely intended to do so.

As result, Doug was raised in a household of long silences, disrupted by spells of fighting, his father walking out and disappearing for a few days, while his mother barely being able to hold her tears in front of her children. Only during the night while lying alone in her cold bed, was that she could finally relief her sorrow by lamentation.

But her children could hear her crying in the next room, while staring at each other in silence as they gripped their pillows. It was in one of those nights that Doug was found himself regressing, with a sense of grief lodged in his abdomen like an ingested icicle. The uncertainty of what the next day would bring, the feeling of guilt and helplessness, angered and scared him.

There were plenty of times that through these adverse periods in the Kelly household, that the food was scarce. It was what made Doug so penitent and resentful of his father, and the circumstances of his upbringing. He was sick of being a have-not, especially since this condition was due to his father's weaknesses and repetitive mistakes.

Little did he know back then that one day he would be the one walking his dad's shoes, and the one not able to escape his vices. Often, he wondered if it was an inherited curse, or simply inevitable and fateful.

His childhood upbringing lodged a huge desire in his psyche, to be somebody and for people to love, admire and respect him. Often at any cost. He did not want to be frowned upon or be always poor and penniless again.

Consequently, Doug worked hard to put all the difficult times behind. Somehow, he managed to escape his background and landed himself a good job. Since finishing high school, he took the advice and guidance of his uncle Patrick, his mother’s brother, and he put all his efforts into getting a job in a bank.

He was good with people and with numbers. With a little help from his uncle's connections in the sector, he finally got his foot in the door. His life seemed to be turning around. He had a stable job now; an income so he could finally help his family, and about time. His father soon died from cancer and as his siblings got married and started their own families, he was the only one that could support his mother, who by now was dealing with her own demons.

Having for years been the rock of her family, her husband’s death, and the marriage of two of her children, was finally too much for her. Her daughter moved with her spouse down to Florida, while her eldest son Tom, had two jobs to support his ever-growing family. With five mouths to feed, he simply did not have much time for his mother.

Mary Kelly soon became melancholic and a bit of a recluse. Doug was the only child still living close. He somehow felt responsible for her and caring for his mother gave him a purpose in life, no matter how draining this could be for him and his personal ambitions.

For several years, he became dedicated and content with having a job, making money, and supporting his mother. Partially he thought it was his duty, but it also made him look good to others. He believed that this was his way of proving himself to an unforgiving neighbourhood and society, which often looked down to people such as Doug.

A life-changing development came when his mother passed, and he was forced to reconfigure himself and his whole life. He needed the companionship and emotional support, because simply deep down he was a very insecure young man.

Most of his later twenties and early thirties were spent in a search of a new purpose and identity. While career wise he was doing well, his personal relationships were often shallow and superficial and even his relations with his siblings took a turn to the worse; they were not too approving or understanding of his free spirited nature and the lothario persona that he developed.

It might have been a case of a slight envy from their part, having married too early to break away from the stifling situation at home; they did not have a chance to enjoy as many experiences as Doug. They made sure they criticised him whenever they got the chance about his choices, so much that they pushed him further away.

And then came Anne. Doug met her at a friend’s house party, when he seemed to have it all in his life. He was a handsome man with a stable job which offered him plenty of career prospects. Having joined the bank early enough, he managed to get himself promoted to a senior manager.

He was not always playing fair in his work environment; however, he was motivated to get what he wanted. This drive stemmed from his past and upbringing, something that he wished to never have to go through again.

But Anne was so taken by this charming, go-getter who was always the centre of attention, and could not help falling in love with him. She was the opposite of Doug, a shy, low key, traditional American girl that all she ever wanted, was a fine man to love her back and start a family together.

Her own parents were already wealthy enough to provide her with plenty of opportunities, yet her sights were set on Doug, from the moment they met. In many aspects, he was a dream come true for several girls in his circles, something that determined Anne even more.

Despite her family’s objections, they finally got married and had a daughter together named Jenny. For a number of years, the couple enjoyed marital life, becoming parents, buying their dream house. Yet deep down, they both knew that something was changing.

Doug was becoming a different person, toxic, obsessed, unsettled, and distant. The couple starting drifting apart, unfaithfulness was not uncommon from his part, while all that Anne really wanted was things to remain the same as they started. She asked for nothing more than what she already had and was accustomed by her own upbringing. And then there was Jenny.

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The paintings: Temptation Within in the Cover and Free Thoughts that accompanies the text, are Christos Mouzeviris’ creations.

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Fin Elegy
Chapter 1: The Visitor. Part 1 - Part 2

Chapter 2: Fin's Theory. Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Chapter 3: About Doug. Part I - Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 4: Loving Doug. Part 1- Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 5: Jenny. Part 1 - Part 2  - Part 3