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Additions to dating and relationships FAQ Additions to dating and relationships FAQ
by Joseph Gatt
2020-12-14 09:57:10
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A few additional frequently asked questions about dating and relationships.

Q: I'm a woman. How do I recognize a womanizer at a date?

A: Simple. But counterintuitive. If a guy you meet at a date (improvised date, blind date or a date with an acquaintance) and that the guy immediately, but subtly, discusses his family, and children in general. That is if he's hinting that he wants marriage and children (this is the first date after all) he's probably going to use you and never call you back.

So Joey's “Mount Tibidabu backpacking story” is really in fact guys who tell stories about family, people, children, stability and all that during the first date.

dat001If a guy really likes you, he would probably avoid bringing up his family during the first few dates. Why? Specifically because he would be worried that you would find faults in them or something.

Same goes for children. If a guy really likes you, he would wait for some time before hinting at marriage and children, and would usually wait for you to cue him on that before he slowly opens up.

In sum, if the guy is talking fast, and talks a lot, almost too much. Probably a womanizer.

The guy is hesitant, seems to lack a little bit of self-confidence, makes sure the conversation goes both ways, that's probably a guy who's interested.

Q: I'm a man and I want to know how to identify a gold-digger.

A: First buddy, you need some introspection. Are you the kind of guy who likes to brag about wealth and having money. If you're that kind of guy (sports car, jewelry, impeccable brand suits, brand glasses, expensive hair cut, luxury shoes and socks)... buddy you ain't getting nothin' but gold-diggers.

If you're not that kind of guy. Gold-diggers usually spend a lot of time discussing wealth and property. So if she's constantly discussing “expensive” stuff, as in expensive food, expensive clothing and accessories, expensive housing, expensive cars and so on, probably a gold-digger.

“Normal” women usually discuss a wide-range of topics, from the weather to what's in the news to health and fitness to entertainment to travel to other topics. So you want to see her reaction to the “cheap” stuff. If she doesn't mind the cheap stuff. Good. If she looks horrified by the cheap stuff, careful.

The problem with gold-diggers is that they tend not to compromise on many things. Couples should be about compromise, but gold-diggers usually take unilateral decisions on a lot of issues, and those unilateral decisions could ruin you financially. That's the real problem. It's not about the image or gossip.

Q: I'm a man and I want to identify a “slut”

A: Same as for womanizers! If she's talking too fast and too much and seems a little impatient, there you go!

If she's a little shy and hesitant and thinks almost too much before she talks, she probably really likes you.

Q: I'm a man/a woman and I want to know whether my partner is a “cheater.”

This trick can work. If you try to plan something with them, and they're not interested in making plans. They probably are not cheating, but there's a good chance they are no longer very interested in the growth of the relationship.

So if you try to make weekend plans or financial plans or shopping plans or home decoration plans or professional plans and that they “run away” or “head to their study”... uh oh.

Final Q for the day: Do “soulmates” exist?

The concept of soulmate is a very modern one and very difficult one. It usually implies that the man and the woman in the couple have the same interests, same tastes, same hobbies, same passions, same opinions about everything, same reactions to everything...

It's probably easier to find a soulmate if you're both 18 because you probably both spent your teenage years watching the same programs on the Disney channel, Nickelodeon and MTV.

But as you grow older, your interests are going to shift, your passions are going to shift, and your opinions on a number of things are going to shift.

So the notion of “soulmate” is a very demanding one. You can't expect to find someone with the exact same opinions, tastes, hobbies and everything else.

In sum, if you're comfortable with the notion that your partner is a different person, and that you will grow together to have your differences, chances are you will succeed.

But if, as you grow older, the subtle, gradual changes in opinions and interests bother you, because you expected a “soulmate” uhm...

I'd say take them for who they are, and accept them for who they change into, as long as they're not doing anything destructive, that is.

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