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Further myths and realities on dating Further myths and realities on dating
by Joseph Gatt
2020-10-22 09:09:15
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A few more myths about dating and relationships.

Myth: You can find love on Tinder and other dating apps.

First off, the proportion of men to women on dating apps is huge. Something like 90 to 95% members tend to be men.

Second off, a lot of the female (and male) profiles are scams. All kinds of scams, from trying to extort money, to visa and immigration scams, to men seeking one-night-stands, to everything else.

dat001_400Third of all, women who are on dating apps tend to have “very little or no social life.” Same goes for men. So chances are you'll be dating someone who has no real friends in life.

Fourth of all, very few women take dating apps seriously. Even when women do join dating apps, very often, they get so many solicitations that they quit checking after two or three days using the app. This means most women profiles haven't been checked in days, months, in some cases years.

So 5% members are women. 95% of those women haven't checked their profile in a while.

Not to mention all the scams. And of course, prostitution. And in some cases, a hybrid of scams and prostitution.


Myth: you can find love on Facebook and classical social media

Social media is a little more reliable than dating apps when it comes to finding partners.

Quite a few partners met on social media. Others met in real life, but took the relationship to social media.

For many, social media is a good way to get hints after a first date. That is if you go on a date, you go home, check social media, you'll sometimes find hints that the date went well, or that the date did not go very well.

But social media is full of scams as well. Everything from scams involving money, to visa and immigration scams, to all sorts of scams.

If someone follows you on social media or adds you as a friend, is it a sign that they're looking for a date?

Different people have different reasons to add people on social media. If they add you on social media, they're probably just looking for friendship.

Now there are people in the past (girls) who liked every single one of my social media posts (back when I used social media). That was weird.

There were also girls who were commenting on every status update I made, and then hinted in their status updates that they were single.

But then there were people commenting/chatting with me (girls) simply because they wanted to discuss K-pop or something.

And then there was that time I got accepted to a Ph.D. (a hundred years ago) and was thirsty for intellectual conversation, and added all the guys and girls at my Ph.D. program, and started messaging them my intellectual thoughts. That led to lots of misunderstandings, and lots of women giving me the silent treatment and standing 100 yards from where I was.

In sum, if someone adds you on social media, they're not usually looking for a date. And if they message you their thoughts on social media, could be that they're just looking for conversation.

Myth: If a person of the opposite sex is trying to be “friends” (in real life) with you, they want to be more than just friends

In some cases, it's true. As in when they start hinting that you shouldn't date anyone else, or if they get angry if you confess you have feelings for someone else or that you're trying to date someone.

But some people are just looking for conversation. Other people stick around because they have no one else to grab lunch with. Other people stick around because they think you're fun to hang out with.

In sum, if they're trying to be your friend, they're usually just trying to be your friend.

Half-Myth: You'll meet the love of your life if you move to another town/country

Now there is biological sense to this.

Here's how biology works.

If you spend prolonged periods of time confined to one workplace, or one school, or one environment, and constantly work with the same people, with time, your body chemistry will adjust and suppress any “sexual” interest in the area. It's a form of castration. Makes sense, because you don't want to carry all that sexual energy with you at the workplace.

Study after study has shown that people who live in small communities rarely, if ever, date or marry each other.

That's why if someone new joins the community, all eyes are on him/her and it's almost like everyone's interested in dating him/her. Then the interest wears off.

To illustrate how this works, I've spent the last 5 years basically confined in Algiers. To me, Algiers has no erotic or sexual connotation, and the women I see in Algiers are usually (always) “non-persons.”

This is not because Algiers is a boring city devoid of pretty women. That's how biology works. Confined yourself to an area, you'll lose sexual interest in the area.

So this is why when people travel, and meet other travelers, the chemistry can be intense, and they meet people that they date, in some cases end up marrying.

So if, let's say, you're based in New York City and visit Paris, chances are you'll meet someone and date someone, if you play the dating game well, that is.

A lot of guys travel around and have no idea how to play the dating game. I've met guys who proposed to women on the first date. True story! (they were looking for a visa as well, very often illegal immigrants at that).

But are a lot of documented cases of dating rates exploding when traveling. Israel for example runs a program called “Taglit Birthright” which is a free tour of Israel for diaspora Jews around the world, where young men and women visit Israel in mixed-gender groups and tour the place, with the end goal of telling them that immigrating to Israel is a good option.

What happens during the Taglit program? Hundreds of couples form. They either date local Israelis that they meet, or they date each other, as they are all from different towns/countries.

Other documented case: study abroad programs. When students go on a semester abroad, very often, they start dating someone. Then they go back to their hometowns/college towns and again feel like everyone's “boring.”

Final myth: If your co-worker is being flirtatious, he/she is trying to date you

This is a trick question. The workplace is about getting work done, and it's also about seduction. You need to use seduction tactics so you can move forward, get promotions, get a prized job, or simply get people to be kind to you at the workplace.

The opposite can also be true. The workplace is competitive, and people can pretend to hate you, when they really don't.

Two examples of this. I broke up with my ex around May 2015, officially on June 26, 2015. I remembered one student I had in the past (who I was no longer teaching) who was very flirtatious with me when I was her professor. I contacted that student and suggested that we date. Flat out rejection, she was even shocked, almost disgusted that I made such an offer. Those hearts she drew on the test sheets and those “sweet notes” she left me were in fact just for me to bump up her grades apparently (I graded her fairly, though).

Opposite example: There were two cases at two different companies where I had women as my boss, and they were nasty. Foul temper, criticized everything I did, I resigned very quickly. Oddly enough, several weeks or months later, they contact me, very flirtatious, and suggest we get a drink. So at the workplace we were competitors, but now that I was gone, I suddenly became dating material.

That's about all the material I have for now. I'll come back with fresh topics some other day. Happy dating!

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