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Poetry Class and the Baby Handiwipes and TP Blues Poetry Class and the Baby Handiwipes and TP Blues
by Leah Sellers
2020-03-16 10:48:13
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“Maybelle, I sure am enjoyin’ this Poetry Class I let you talk me into attendin’ with you. And who’d have thunk it !” Jimmie Bea snorted with laughter.

“I’m so glad you said , ‘Yes’, Jimmie Bea. It’s so much more fun to take these kinds of classes with a Friend you can enjoy it with,” Maybelle replied agreeably, as the two Friends walked toward the University Campus together.

“What topic did you decide to make your first class Poem about,
Jimmie Bea ?”

“Shoppin’ at the mall with my daughter, Clara. She is such a hoot to shop with. That Child must have tried on twenty different dresses, before she finally decided on her Prom Dress,” Jimmie Bea chortled.

cla001_400“How about you Maybelle ? What did you Poetically ponder upon ?”

“Feedin’ the Pigs with my Grandbaby, Billy,” Maybelle chirped. “That Boy surely is the apple of my eye. I simply adore the way he hops on our biggest hog, Gunner‘s, back and rides him like a pony. And when ‘ole Gunner is good and tired of being ridden, he simply lays down, flat on the ground, and refuses to get back up until Billy slides off of his back. It is a sight to behold.”

“I can’t wait to see the two of them in action, Maybelle. And, sorry to change the subject, but we’re almost at the classroom doors, and I was just wonderin’ how come you were a little late pickin’ me up this evenin’,” Jimmie Bea asked unexpectedly, because her old Friend was almost always early to everything she attended.

“Well, after all the news about this Coronavirus thing that’s spreadin’ across the whole, wide World, and even into our great state of Texas, I thought I’d make a quick stop by the H.E.B. Grocery Store to pick up some Toilet Paper and Baby Wipes, and a few other assundry things, and you would not believe it, Jimmie Bea, but all of the store’s shelves were completely empty. Not a Baby Wipe or roll of Toilet Paper to be had. Even all of the disinfectants and bleaches had disappeared into some kind of Coronavirus Stampede !” Maybelle relayed in disbelief.

“So, I stopped by the Walmart that’s close to your house, very quickly, and discovered the very same thing. Nothin’ but empty shelves. Why, even the soup cans, flour, sugar and bread were all gone ! Jimmie Bea, in all of my born days, I have never seen such a thing. It was eerie. Kinda’ like one of those Apocalyptic Zombie movies or End of the World flicks.” Maybelle added.

“And I do so apologize for bein’ late, Jimmie Bea but it was a very discombobulatin’ experience.” Maybelle confessed.

“I guess no one has heard of Drip Dryin’,” Jimmie Bea answered sardonically.

“Well, they wouldn’t have been able to do that either, Jimmie Bea, because all of the Box Fans on aisle twelve were sold out as well. Nothin’ but more rows and rows of empty shelving,” Maybelle laughed.

Still laughing, Jimmie Bea said, “I’ve heard that some cultures in the past, before TP was invented and widely distributed, used to choose just one hand to clean their Bottoms with.”

“Well, the chances of that happenin’ this time around are pretty slim, Jimmie Bea, because the Bottled Water they’d need to clean up with in case all of the sick Coronavirus ridden Absentee Workers eventually led to the shuttin’ down of all of our Water Systems were gone from the grocery store’s and Walmart’s shelves too ! There was not a Water Bottle to be had ! Even all of the Sparklin’ Water was sold out ! Maybelle continued to laugh.

“Reminds me of the old Outhouse my Grandpa built for everybody to use, before they got runnin’ water and electricity up in the mountains where my relatives all lived,” Jimmie Bea recounted.

“I was a real City Girl, so it was a true Adventure when I’d spend the summer’s with everyone up in those mountains. I loved them and every minute of my summer vacations with them.”

“That old Outhouse was even an Adventure of sorts. Grandpa even carved a half-moon in the door as a joke. And he lined the walls with old comic papers.”

“When they’d run out of Toilet Paper for the Outhouse, they’d put already read newspapers on the toilet seat to use,” Jimmie Bea continued lightheartedly. “I’d rip fair sized’ rough squares out of the newspaper to wipe my bottom with, and throw into the dark hole below me, just prayin’ that I didn’t get spider or snake bit in the rear while I sat there readin’ and rippin’ up the Gazette.”

“Hey, maybe if this old Cornavirus thing lasts for awhile Newspapers will become popular and necessary again,” Maybelle interjected. “Nothin’ like the Printed Word to set things that have gotten in Arears to the forefront again, my Friend.”

“Now, that’ll give the TP folks a Spin,” Jimmie Bea added with a mischievous grin.

“Ha ! And I, for one, am so glad that the Up-and-Down-and-Down-and-Up Casino Gaming Money Markets threw a caniption-fit with their few day Downward Plunges in order to get ’ole Donald’s attention,” Maybelle said more seriously.

“He switched his Divisive MAGA cap for a Unifyin’ USA cap stunt in his ’ole Reality Play Speech, and was forced kickin‘, screamin‘, rantin‘, pantin’ and poutin’ to finally allow the Science and Medical Experts he hadn’t fired yet, because he foolishly basically sees them all as useless, to make some really good observations and decisions.”

“And ’ole Nancy Pelosi led the Congressional Charge to help all Americans out Healthwise and Economically, while ’ole Mitch McConnell made the Senate take a carelessly manipulative and very unseemly lazy three day Recess while elderly and sick folks all over America, and the World, are all coughin’, sneezin’ and wheezin’ themselves into all too early graves ! Good Lord, Almighty !” Jimmie Bea with sour disbelief.

“Wonder if ’ole Mitch and his Kinfolks helped to wipe out the TP aisles where they’ve been ? Wouldn’t doubt
it ! Bet they’d be the first to rout it !” Jimmie Bea added with Poetic Glee.

“My Grandma used to tell me, “Baby, the most important thing in Life is Good Health’, and she was right,” Maybelle said emphatically.

“Maybe now, everybody will give our overgloated and greedily bloated Medical-Insurance System a second honest and baleful look, and demand Universal Healthcare for One and All !” Maybelle exclaimed enthusiastically.

“A Physically, Mentally and Emotionally (non-TP and Baby Wipe hoarding and fear-based Nation) Healthy Nation is an Economically Healthy Nation for the most part, I say. And my Grandpa used to say, ‘Seek Balance in All Things’, and he was right !” Maybelle said emphatically.

“Jimmie Bea, I really do like this Poetry Class we’re takin together, too. I find myself thinkin’ in such unexpected and quirky ways, nowadays, and makin’ simply delightful turns of Phrase !”

“Oh, Maybelle, you are such a Hoot, Girl !”

“Is that with or without Baby Wipes and TP ?” Maybelle laughed outright,
“Hee-hee !” as she opened the door to their Poetry Class of Quandaries.

***************************************************

Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
You can download it for FREE HERE!
 
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