Ovi -
we cover every issue
worldwide creative inspiration  
Ovi Bookshop - Free Ebook
Stop human trafficking
Ovi Language
Michael R. Czinkota: As I See It...
Stop violence against women
Tony Zuvela - Cartoons, Illustrations
International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement
BBC News :   - 
iBite :   - 
Just an Ordinary Djo
by Jan Sand
2007-06-25 07:51:00
Print - Comment - Send to a Friend - More from this Author
DeliciousRedditFacebookDigg! StumbleUpon
When the Robots of Japan Erotic Resources (commonly known as "Rojers") created the Dildos Japan Objects (commonly known as "Djos") it was an honest attempt to be helpful for the growing number of frustrated males in the burgeoning wealthy populations of India and China. It is well known that culture and tradition in these two countries is averse to creating and raising female children and the advances in medicine has been financially persuaded to aid this unfortunate cultural tendency.

Obviously there was a great market here for androids to fill in the great vacancies of non-existent females so the Japanese, who had progressed far beyond the rest of the world in robotics were well set up to supply the market.

The first successful commercial items were, naturally, female. Both Hollywood and Bollywood supplied the prototype models. It was only later, when market expectations were realized and the funds thereby accrued became available, that a small extension of the primary efforts resulted in products such as myself, the Male Auxiliary Targets or MAT Djos.

We MATDjos may have many auxiliary sexual features not present in organic males that seemingly would give us an advantage in the field but there is a natural prejudice against us that puts us at a disadvantage. For example, our general visual sexual appeal can be adjusted to the taste of the client. Our height is variable by twenty five centimeters. Our general muscular bulk can be increased or decreased with a hydraulic pressure system. The color of our eyes has ten different colors available including yellow, brown, red, green, purple, blue, and several combinations including plaid.

Our sexual organs can not only be telescoped up to fifty centimeters in length and eight centimeters in diameter (suitable in veterinary situations with some of the larger domestic species) but its surface texture can be changed to provide tactual stimulation as demanded. Our bellybuttons contain a control so that its undulations with extensions and contractions would take place in time to a wide selection of both classical and popular music. Spectacular effects are possible with either Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" or Benny Goodman's "Sing, Sing, Sing". Beethoven's Fifth Symphony was dropped as the result of a fatal incident of sexual overstimulation.

Another very popular feature is our capability to emit male pheromones with varied floral scents or, in a more male vein, the scents of leather, soap, or plain ordinary sweat. In addition, we can grow hair almost instantly through skin-incorporated spinnerets that produce coiffures that are straight, wavy or tightly curled and of many popular colors. When this feature was first introduced there was some trouble as the spinneret mechanism is difficult to stop.

Five separate instances are recorded wherein clients and Djos became so entangled in the hair mechanism and the resulting exuberant hair that it took several hours with emergency barbers chopping away at least a half ton of enmeshing hair to free the client and the Djo. These problems are now solved and there is an 85% chance that none of this will ever occur although clients are cautioned to beware of overproduction of beards or nose hair which can be troublesome.

To simmer down the human males who resent the use of the Djos the Japan Erotic Robot Resources Corporation Office (JERRCOF) has provided free educational facilities to human males who are interested and wish to improve their sexual prowess. A programmed robot is available as an individual instructor in sexual callisthenics with special attention to control of all the normal body size fluctuations in a standard sexual exercise. Somehow, for some reason, males have yet to take advantage of this generous offer.

Another source of difficulty is the Catholic Church that objects to generating sexual pleasure without procreation as a target. JERRCOF has offered to supply its robots with donated sperm but the Church is adamant because sexual union is condemned outside of marriage. To push this even further, one Catholic woman client who was so delighted with her MATDjo that she attempted to marry her robot but this too was unsuccessful. Since the Church pointed out that the robot was a mere device the woman was no more capable of a legal marriage with her robot than if she attempted a holy union with her tooth brush.

The difficulty seems to be the lack of a soul in the robot. Assiduous Japanese scientists are hard at work in locating the soul in a normal human so as to be able to reproduce it in its robots. The latest news is that they believe they have evidence it is located in the root of the left lower wisdom tooth. But many dentists who believe they might be prosecuted for soul slaughter if they have removed these teeth from their clients are horrified and are taking legal action. The whole thing seems, at the moment, very much up in the air.

Print - Comment - Send to a Friend - More from this Author

Get it off your chest
 (comments policy)

Paparella2007-06-25 08:04:00
There are two souls and they may be easily located under the robot's feet, that way he'll walk more comfortably to his wedding with a human in a Protestant church, given that the Catholic Churhc has denied the blessing of the union and the baptism of its offspring figuring that the next demand will be interspecies marriage: people wishing to marry their dog in a church.
Ah, the child will be called a humbot!

Paparella2007-06-25 08:53:59
Paet 2: the humbots evemtually will grow and multiply and take over the universe. Finding it purposeless and empty of meaning they establish a new religion based on secular humbotism and full fledged rationalism whose places of worship were called The Holy Intergalactic Assembly of Godot. The greatest of their liturgical celebrations was chess playing celebrated every day in the morning. In the afternoon they went hunting for humans whom they considered a superseded species to rid the universe of. For the humbots were now the super-race at the top of the evolutionary chain with a superior brain also located under their feet with their two souls (a computer)helping evolution along. Stay tuned for part 3.

Sand2007-06-25 09:04:36
Parasites can be nuisance.

Paparella2007-06-25 09:27:54
Part 3: Humans were considered useless parassites and unwelcome nuisance because they allowed the perfect rational processes of their computer of meat (their brain) to be interfered by useless things such as intuition, feelings, douts, imagination, ethical conscience, salvation, redemption, destiny and other such fantasies as found in their mythologies and tales and religious archetypes. The fact that they the humbots had taken over the universe was proof enough that they had the superior brain which always efficiently achieved its rationally planned aims. Knowledge is power and power determines who lives and who survives. This was the core of the humbots' philosophy of life and they were very proud of it for it conformed to an evolutionary universe getting better and better, albeit having no planner. It had allowed the humbots to lord it over the humans and eventually plan for their extermination in two short hours in a villa by a lake. Stay tuned for part 4.

Paparella2007-06-26 03:03:44
Part 4: Soon the humans were exterminated by the humbots. However they had left behind a vast cultural heritage in philosophy, literature, art, architecture, music which kept appearing from time to time. A humbot found a manuscript written by a certain Aristotle around 350 BC titled "On the Soul." There was a committee meeting to assesss its value. They found it too confusing and not up to date. Didn't this Aristotle fellow know that there are two souls and they are under or feet? It was decided after a half hour deliberation to burn any such manuscripts and books. Only science books would be preserved. And so they did. They figured what they did not know about those childish fantasies when humbots were just humans could not hurt them. They were interested in progress, and that was inevitable and was in the future, not an anacronistic past. They found a book by Santayana which said that "those who do not learn from their past are condemned to repeat it." They had no clue and burned that too. They smugly considered themselves the most advanced civilization in the universe and had absolutely no doubt about it. Eventuall though they met another specie which seemed more advanced: they were called robots. We know the rest of the story.

© Copyright CHAMELEON PROJECT Tmi 2005-2008  -  Sitemap  -  Add to favourites  -  Link to Ovi
Privacy Policy  -  Contact  -  RSS Feeds  -  Search  -  Submissions  -  Subscribe  -  About Ovi