Ovi -
we cover every issue
Visit Ovi bookshop - Free eBooks  
Ovi Bookshop - Free Ebook
worldwide creative inspiration
Ovi Language
Murray Hunter: Essential Oils: Art, Agriculture, Science, Industry and Entrepreneurship
WordsPlease - Inspiring the young to learn
Murray Hunter: Opportunity, Strategy and Entrepreneurship
Stop human trafficking
BBC News :   - 
iBite :   - 
Almost everything you wanted to know about sex Almost everything you wanted to know about sex
by Joseph Gatt
2020-01-10 07:57:39
Print - Comment - Send to a Friend - More from this Author
DeliciousRedditFacebookDigg! StumbleUpon

The way I see sex is there are three forms of sex: “passionate love” would be the first. “Addicted impulse” would be the second. “Caving into the addicted impulse of a partner” would be the third.

So here I'll discuss all different forms of sex

Two passionate lovers

Love takes us to a state of euphoria, a sort of trance. Some of the best literature was written under the influence of love. Some of the best buildings were conceived under the influence of love. Falling in love can make men and women a lot kinder, warmer, and often makes them drop formalities and start acting casual at formal events. Men and women in love tend to talk a lot, smile a lot, and are suddenly more active than they use to. Students can start pulling in long hours of studying. Workers can try to meet every task with perfection.

ex001_400So when two passionate lovers have sex, you don't need to teach them anything. They are in a trance-like state and they know what they are doing. Foreplay can last for over an hour, and the sex will be passionate. Lovers can repeat the experience and enjoy sex several times a day, and often don't get tired of it.

A question I get a lot is “how do you maintain passion within the couple? How do you make it last?” I often answer that it's a good thing that couple are not eternally passionate, because passionate love on the long run can lead to recklessness. Because a lot of times you can't focus on everyday tasks when you are passionately in love.

So how do you maintain the spark within a couple? The general idea is you want your life ambitions and goals to match, you want a day job that brings emotional stability, that enables you to survive and thrive, and where the organization is transparent and your tasks are transparent. You want a healthy, emotionally stable social circle.

Sexually speaking, it's usually women who have more trouble than men being aroused. And once the passion wears off men tend to want sex immediately without foreplay. Women on the other hand want the foreplay to be slow and steady. Start by cuddling over a movie or series, cuddle for several hours before you take things to the next level.

A passionate lover satisfying someone's addicted impulse

In some cases, sex involves a passionate lover having sex with someone who just wants to satisfy his or her sexual impulse. Such sex tends to be awkward, often involves the passionate lover passionately kissing and cuddling while the addicted impulse person wants to move to the orgasm as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, a lot of times, passionate lovers are deceived by people who “claim” the passion is reciprocal, when all they want is to satisfy their impulse.

A passionate lover caves in to satisfying an addict's impulse

In some cases, the passionate lover knows that the person he or she loves has no interest in pursuing a relationship and simply wants to satisfy their impulse. Passionate lovers will cave in, hoping the passionate sex can lead the addict to changing their mind and considering a long-term relationship. In most cases, the addict leaves the relationship.

Stereotypically, it's a passionate woman caving in a man who wants to satisfy his impulses. But it so happens that in some cases men fall passionately in love with women, when women are pushing for casual one-night-stands.

Two sex addicts having sex

That happens quite a lot. And that's what a lot of the dating websites are about. Two sex addicts meet, satisfy their addicted impulses, and often look for another partner to satisfy their impulse. Or two addicts can make agreements to enjoy sex without the responsibilities a relationship involves. In some cases two addicts can have relationships that lead to couplehood. In some rare cases an addict can fall passionately in love with another addict. In some very rare cases, both addicts will fall in love with each other.

A non-addict caving in to satisfy an addict's impulses

Finally, there are instances where a person (often a woman, sometimes a man) caves into a person's impulses and agrees to have sex. Note that non-addicts are the hardest ones to convince, and in many cases refuse the sex.

Most sexual harassment cases involve a non-sex-addict harassed by a sex addict. Sex addicts are in some cases used to other sex addicts accepting their offer for one-night-stands (by they “friends” or “prostitutes” or “hybrids”). When sex addicts are used to other sex addicts accepting their offer for sex, they sometimes grow delusional, and believe that everyone is a sex addict.

Important question: are women who dress provocatively or put makeup on in provocative fashion always sex addicts?

Important answer: No! Sometimes they are just imitating their favorite entertainer's style, while other times they do so to impress their circle of girlfriends. Other times dressing up provocatively is a trend they just follow. I had several friends (girls) who loved makeup and dressing up in “sexy” fashion when they were the farthest thing from a sex addict (some of them were virgins and intended to remain so).

Other important question: are there ways to recognize a sex addict?

Important answer: Sex addiction tends to come with age, and usually develops around the late 30s or early 40s in men and women. Of course some men and women are younger than that, and lots of men and women in their 30s and 40s are not sex addicts.

The important thing to know is that sex addicts tend to like to choose their partners. They throw subtle hints to see if the hints are picked up for casual sex.

Stereotypically, sex addicts are “young, pretty, sexy.” But the stereotype is wrong. Some are “fat” while others don't put makeup on, while others wear the same jeans every day, while others of course are the stereotypical “sexy” ones.

Final important question: how can you tell when someone is passionately in love with you?

If they're spending an hour chatting with you on the phone with no specific purpose, there's a big chance that it's not “just your friendship” that they want. Usually men and women who are passionately in love will try to spend as much time with you as they can under the disguise of “friendship.” But oddly enough, it's always just the two of you having those beers or hanging out at that café. They never mention anyone else, never discuss your “partner” (if you have one) and spend time chatting about random stuff, and often make it clear they have no partner. They also discuss their family and friends at length, and in some cases start behaving as if you two were a couple. In sum, if they're trying to spend a lot of time between “just the two of you” there's a big chance they have a huge crush.

Print - Comment - Send to a Friend - More from this Author

Get it off your chest
 (comments policy)

© Copyright CHAMELEON PROJECT Tmi 2005-2008  -  Sitemap  -  Add to favourites  -  Link to Ovi
Privacy Policy  -  Contact  -  RSS Feeds  -  Search  -  Submissions  -  Subscribe  -  About Ovi