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Observations on factors for divorce Observations on factors for divorce
by Joseph Gatt
2019-09-28 09:27:00
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I have not done a formal study on the causes of divorce. Nor do I have statistics. I did conduct several informal surveys, looking at happily married couples and divorced couples around the world. I took notes, and here's what I found. The divorce causes are in no particular order.

Divorce cause number 1: a violent upbringing

People who were raised with loving families tend to naturally filter out violent partners. That is people who grew up in loving families tend to tolerate violent or deviant behavior a lot less, tend to detect violent tendencies in people, and tend to go for the “kind guys” or the “kind girls.” People who grew up in violent households however tend not to filter out potentially violent or aggressive partners, tend to tolerate violence and aggressiveness, and that tends to lead to divorce.

divor01_400Divorce cause number 2: Age

The younger people marry, the less likely they tend to divorce. At least that's what I observed. Those who marry in their early 20s divorce a lot less frequently than those who marry in their late 30s. Several reasons for this. One is people who marry in their early 20s tend to have children at a younger age, and tend not to want to abandon their children. People who marry younger also tend to establish values within the couple, including values on who brings the bacon and who gets to cook it, whereas people who marry late tend to have pre-established values and tend to cling more to their values.

Divorce cause number 3: Low income or sudden income gain

Those couples with low or very low income and whose income is not going up tend to divorce, especially if they remain at the low-income level for too many years. Those who suddenly make a high income, and with no experience handling a high-income lifestyle also tend to divorce, because of different values on how the income should be spent.

Divorce cause number 4: Communication breakdown

Arguing is often not a cause of divorce. Some couples argue frequently, debates get heated, they reconcile, argue again. Frequent verbal arguments are not a cause of divorce. However, a communication breakdown, as in refusing to argue or even discuss issues, tends to lead to divorce. It is when couples stop sharing important information that they divorce.

Divorce cause number 5: Cold social life

Couples who remain married tend to be from the same social background and tend to have known the same people their entire life. Those who come from opposite social backgrounds, as in one being rich and the other being poor, or one being well-connected and the other having few connections, tends to lead to tension. Often when one partner does not know how to behave with the other partner's circles that can lead to divorce. Also, most conversation within couples does not revolve around sports, politics, fashion or intellectual topics, but around the social circle. So if one partner does not fit into the social circle that can lead to absence of communication within a couple.

Divorce cause number 6: Double standards

Some couples throw things at each other yet remain married. Some couples cheat on each other yet remain married. What tends to cause divorces is double standards as in “I can cheat on you, but I will kill you if you cheat on me” or “I can throw things at you, but will hurt you if you throw things at me.”

Final divorce cause: Partner wants to marry someone else

Unfortunately, many divorces are the result of a partner being pressured by a mistress or a “second” to divorce so they can get married. The man or woman can try to make it sound like their couple is in crisis, when it's really someone else trying to get them to divorce so they can marry them.

There are other causes for divorce that I haven't cited. In sum, marriage is an affair between two individuals, and each divorce is specific to those individuals, with in some cases very specific causes. I just tried to provide the bigger picture here.

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