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Advice on dating without borders Advice on dating without borders
by Joseph Gatt
2019-06-20 08:28:05
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Dating people from exotic countries is the new hype. The more exotic the country the better. So to my friends dating people around the world, here's some friendly advice, in no particular order.

-First one, big one, in most of Asia, Africa and the Middle East, kissing and hugging is considered sexual foreplay. You don't hug and kiss in public, and if you hug and kiss, men and women from those countries tend to believe it automatically leads to sex. So if you're dating a Chinese girl and you kiss her, she might back off if she's not in the mood for sex. If you kiss your Moroccan boyfriend when you get home, he might start unzipping his pants. In most other countries kissing and cuddling is not considered sexual foreplay.

dat001-In most of Asia, the Middle East and Africa, a lot of girls are going to try to justify dating a foreign man or woman by portraying you as “submissive”. In Asia, the Middle East and Africa people tend to marry within the tribe, so if you're dating a man or woman from that region they will tend to introduce you to their friends and family and portray you as a submissive man or woman. They will try to get you to hold their bags, pick them up from work, drive them around, cook and clean for them, shop for them, and submit to all their demands. And if you don't, they're going to be angry.

-In Eastern Europe, Asia, Africa and the Middle East men and women tend to be very status-conscious. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will gradually tell you to buy a better brand of car, a better house, and to behave submissively when other people are looking. They will also expect you to take them on expensive vacations, to buy them expensive gifts and to take them to the best restaurants. And on Valentine's Day and their birthday they will expect a huge gift.

-In Latin America, Africa, Asia, the Middle East and Eastern Europe people tend to believe there's no point in being romantic after marriage. That is when you're dating they will expect their Valentine's Day gifts and all the attention, but once married, men and women tend to turn cold. A lot of times you will no longer hold hands, you will go out on very few dates, and your sex life will be very boring. And they probably will never say “I love you” after marriage. 

-In Latin America, Africa, Eastern Europe, Asia and the Middle East family's important. But not in the European or North American way. In those countries you need to help your family, and you need to impress them. That is in those countries you are expected to help your husband or wife's family financially, to help them with work, to find work for family members, facilitate visas for family members, help cover debts of family members and also help family members who want to start a business. On the other hand you are also expected to behave properly with your husband or wife's family, and you are expected to show the best possible image. As in never discuss your work-related problems, never hint at marriage-related problems, and if you have children, lie about them being the best students in their class.

-In Latin America, Africa, Eastern Europe and the Middle East gender is always 100% binary and never ever fluid, especially when people are watching you. Your wife probably won't allow you inside the kitchen, especially if there are guests, and your wife will expect you to get a very stable job with full job security and a track to a retirement pension. Your husband will suggest you stay home but will also expect you to cook and clean, and might expect you to pick up his socks and to put his shoes in the storage. And expect your husband to be a drunk, unless he's a Muslim. If Latin American, he could be a “cervecero” (someone who's constantly drinking beer when not working or sleeping) and in Eastern Europe and East Asia your husband will come home dead drunk more times than you can count, and you'll have to pick him up from the bar a couple of times (or more). If your wife is Chinese or Korean, you might have to pick her up from the pub a couple of times (or more).

-In Latin America, Asia, the Middle East and Africa if your husband argues with you, a lot of times, they won't allow you to talk back. If your husband or wife is angry at you, you might expect harsh forms of public shaming in retaliation. For example, they could take you to a restaurant and publicly throw a cup of water at you, or they could take you to their family and say humiliating things without you being allowed to talk back. Your wife could kick you out of those house and your husband could beat you up if you're not careful enough.

-In sum, for Latin America, Asia, the Middle East and Africa choose your husband or wife wisely. “Being good at sex” is not a good enough reason to choose your spouse. Make sure you connect well and have stories to tell each other.

-Now to Western Europe, North America, Australia and New Zealand. Most Western European women tend to be shy. Most Western European men, save perhaps the French, tend to be chatty. In Western Europe, you'll notice men lecturing their girlfriends and their girlfriends nodding a lot of times. So if you have a Western European boyfriend, expect he'll be doing a lot of the talking. If you have a Western European girlfriend, a lot of times, she'll want you to do most of the talking.

-Western Europeans tend not to believe in “going on dates.” Most Western European girls expect refined culture and want to see a movie for a good artistic reason, and many of them will consider Hollywood blockbusters “trash” and will tend to hate “commercial” music. Western European girls also tend to find restaurants “boring.” So if you take her out to a restaurant, you want it to be a “culinary experience” and will want to take her for “authentic Malaysian food only made in a small village near Malaka” kind of experience. Don't take her out to food that is too greasy, salty or sweet. If you take her to a movie, the movie better be artistically subtle and narratively brilliant.

-Western European women tend to be “boring” but romantic once married. That is they tend to avoid going out after marriage. Expect to spend the weekend at home with her watching TV and playing Scrabble, or maybe she'll do the crossword puzzles. Expect a very quiet life with your Western European wife. But she will tend to expect you to “keep your manners.”

-Western European men kind of resemble Western European women. Most of them won't talk too much, and will prefer quiet activities. Most Western European men like football and rugby, and if you're dating them or married to them don't mess with their football or rugby schedule. Other than that they'll probably read the papers, read a good book, but a lot of them won't talk to you a lot.

-American, Canadian, Australians and New Zealanders tend to like telling a good story. If you're dating a man or a woman, always ask them how their day went. They will give you a long detailed report about how their day went, including what kind of work they got done and what they had for lunch, what kind of conversations they had and what they hope to accomplish the next day. They might go on and on about office politics and gossip a great deal about their colleagues. You will be expected to tell the same, give a detailed account of how your day went. And the report must be accurate, don't be vague or lie about what you did.

-American, Canadian, Australian and New Zealand women tend to say everything and tend to state even the most obvious things. They need to tell you they're going to clean the house before they clean it, they need to tell you what they're going to cook for dinner, they need to tell you how they want to decorate the house and they need to tell you about their girlfriends and about the dress or shoes they bought. If you don't listen to her, she will feel turmoil. She can't cook if she doesn't tell you what she's about to cook.

-American, Canadian, Australian and New Zealand men tend to like their sports. Hockey in Canada, American football and basketball in the US, Rugby in Australia and New Zealand. Don't mess with their sports schedule, and if there's a game on TV, it's as if the President were coming for dinner. Problem is, there's a game on TV almost every day.

-American, Canadian, Australian and New Zealand men like to meet their friends at the pub. Catching up with their friends at the pub is an important part of their identity and they feel lost without it. Americans, Canadians, Australians and New Zealanders tend to believe that if they don't say something out loud, it doesn't exist. So they tend to tell their friends everything. If they don't, they'll have an existential crisis.

-American, Canadian, Australian and New Zealand men and women tend to be reliable and emotionally stable. They tend to prefer solving problems with long, calm discussions rather than emotional, heated debates. And during discussions, they tend to expect the truth, all the truth, and nothing but the truth, and they expect truths to be stated clearly.

Conclusions: these are vague generalizations, and of course there are exceptions to every rule. Happy dating, dear friends!  

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