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Mutiny On The Bounty
by Jan Sand
2007-05-01 10:50:39
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J B S Haldane once remarked that God must have loved beetles because he made so many of them. Abraham Lincoln made the same remark about the poor. Of course, any damned fool who attempts to puzzle out the mind of God is destined to come up with whatever pumps up his or her ego since the world is so replete with all sorts of wonders and miseries that make so little if any sense from the human point of view that all rational folk have long ago concluded that either God is a total nincompoop or he doesn't exist. Out of mercy I have settled on the latter for a working hypothesis but I readily admit I could be wrong.

The statement about the poor, of course, is the recourse of the rich and powerful who prefer to transfer their criminal responsibility to God by way of ducking out of their crimes. Despite the claims of the many schizophrenics and politicians and religious leaders who declare their direct connections to the Almighty no irrefutable direct communication has ever been validated. Whatever voices that have emanated from the occasional burning bush are surely the product of either angry bushes playing tricks on naïve local natives or jocular attempts by passing flying saucers to contact terrestrial life. It is obvious to even the most casual observer of human activity that every day is April Fool.

The planet Earth has always been praised for its riches. It is only recently that humans have had the ability to plumb the resources of our companion planets and determined most forcefully that, for all practical purposes, they are not only extremely poor places to live but actually exhibit quite murderous ecologies.

A few manic technologists have proposed terraforming some of the less homicidal globes but since we have amply demonstrated our incapability to keep even our own friendly planet on ecological track it is apparent we are total twerps in dealing with this most amiable place in the solar system on a planetary scale.

Folk fantasies about the bounty that Earth provides have constructed a scenario where humanity is originally planted in a garden that provides all necessities that humans and other life requires. Cooler heads and more logical minds have worked out that the garden of Earth was not constructed for the pleasures of its inhabitants but that the inhabitants were formed to take advantage of whatever lay around and was available.

What has not normally been taken into account is that current conditions have always been ephemeral. Protoplasm has not progressed logically from goop to Alley Oop but rather hopped from one frying pan to another to avoid the fire. And current conditions have indicated that this frying pan is getting rather uncomfortably hot and it is time to jump.

But humanity has made itself so comfortable with the temporary conditions of the last couple of thousands of years that our jump muscles have atrophied and our former mental sharpness seems to have gone the same way. And since humanity has prospered to the extent of invading and despoiling every environment provided by the planet we have left no pristine refuge where we can flee.

As the saying goes, we have copiously shit in our own nest, and the diarrhoea is not only universal to our species, it seems to be intensifying. And the stench, strangely, has so corrupted the mental processes of those in control that they are doing everything in their power to multiply its proliferation.

But, as is becoming apparent, nature always compensates. Minor shifts in temperature and chemical environmental constituents (on a cosmological scale) will introduce novel conditions within which enterprising protoplasm might flourish. New varieties of frying pans are under construction and more athletic DNA is always ready to make the leap.

But, the way things are moving, it seems very unlikely that that variety of DNA will have any substantial relationship to our own.

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