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Rob Jenkinson's Letters from America #21
by Rob Jenkinson
2007-03-18 09:39:53
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Dating in New York, eh readers, what’s all that about?

Don’t worry; I’ve not actually been dating in New York, more so observing my friends and feeling quite sorry for them. I did ask my wife if I could go out on some dates in the interest of research for this little letter here, but she threatened me with divorce…again. What a killjoy. So forgive me, readers, this’ll have to be purely observational, rather than experienced.

Thing is, readers, when I lived in London prior to meeting my good lady wife, I never had what you could call a desirable dating experience, it was pure horror. I’d write a new column serializing my London experiences, I think I’d find it cathartic, but it’d put hairs on your chest… much like this one girl called Rajinder.

Anyway, I digress. In London, I think we’re a bit more honest about the whole courtship thing, but it’s by no means easy as you seldom see the same person twice. Either way, when you find someone, there’s not quite as much pretense as there is in New York. Here there are a lot of rules that have to be obeyed. In London you just have to be able to be in the situation where you can buy someone a few drinks (the modern day equivalent of clubbing a girl over the head), in Finland it’s even easier, it just has to be summer and you have to be near water.

That said, there is still random fucking, but it still seems more of an arse about than anywhere else. It seems like you really have to prove yourself. I feel sorry for a lot of these New York guys. If I were single here (and didn’t have an English accent) I wouldn’t stand a chance. Being tongue-tied and generally a bit crap just won’t cut it.

You have to know who you are (I’m Rob Jenkinson), you have to know where you’re going in life (erm, can I answer later?) and most importantly you have to know exactly where you’re taking them that night (fancy a pint of cider? No? OK). Not having an exciting itinerary planned out for the date can end the night there and then.

A lot of New York women want all the trimmings, so turning up and saying, “What do you fancy doing tonight?” shows weakness. Good job I’m married cause I’d hate to see what they’d think if I dated some New York lady and told her we were going to a Death Metal gig and the have a kebab.

Not all New Yorker girls are like that, but on the flipside of the dating scene are the men. Jesus, I had the displeasure of listening to some after the first date voice messages from male daters. When I say “sleazy”, take the literal meaning of the word and times it by a million. Two things struck me about the messages I heard:

1. They go on and on forever. I always thought blokes found leaving voice messages uncomfortable, I apparently was wrong.
2. They laugh sleazily after every sentence. Here’s an example, and this is no over exaggeration: “Hey baby, huh huh, had a great time last night, huh huh, just wanted to apologize if I came on a little, huh huh, strong. I just find you real sexy, you know? Huh huh.”

When you have to date fuck heads like that I think you deserve the right to be choosy and demanding.

The other thing I don’t understand is the fact that all my female friends go out on random dates with random guys who they don’t really know at all. New York men have no problems with chatting up women. Me, I’ve always been terrified of it and avoided it at all costs. That said; have you ever tried to chat up a British girl who’s had just enough drinks to be incredibly cutting and generally horrible. Until you do that, you won’t know humiliation.

So hooray for being married! I don’t envy either sex for the game they have to go through here. Come on New Yorkers, feel the love. Forget the bullshit and just get on with it.

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Asa2007-03-18 00:07:39
Sounds like hell on Earth.

You should read some of CJ Michaels' articles on his dating efforts in NYC...they are even worse than your descriptions!

Cez2007-03-19 20:58:12
God im glad i live in England where puking on a boy is considered foreplay

Nat2007-03-22 16:33:08
I like dates, but british style.

Pints, a dance, chips, pass out before you manage to have sex.



Jim2007-03-22 16:34:27
It sounds like the "dating scene" over there is as ridiculous as swingers and sex in the city makes it out to be.

considering really not be2007-04-13 07:07:11
I will take that personally...seriously changed my mind... figure that one outon your own.

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