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Eureka: Ovi 12th anniversary jokes
by Joseph Gatt
2016-12-20 10:58:02
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ja1201_400I couldn’t think of anything smart to write for Ovi’s anniversary other than I’ve met awesome people and that I’ve enjoyed reading a lot of the articles since May 2005, that is 6 months after Ovi started publishing. Back then Newropeans Magazine had introduced me to Ovi, and it took me almost a couple of years before I could think of something smart to write for Ovi. My first articles were a little shabby I’ll confess, but I’ll say only few articles really make me blush. More importantly, Ovi has most of the articles archived, which gives me this weird feeling when I look back at old articles and remember “Oh, I wrote that after that conversation I had with that guy” and incites memories. Most importantly, Ovi kind of helped ease the wounds of a mother who has been absent for 32 years. But life’s about having fun, right? So happy birthday Ovi! And here are the jokes.

-It’s holiday season, also known as “I’m too hungover to go to work so will call my boss to say I was in a motorcycle accident” season.

-Saw this job advertisement “we’re looking for a kindergarten teacher who can also cook and change diapers and mop the floor and clean the venue. This is a volunteer position, but we might give you an allowance. No transportation provided.” Bet they got lots of applicants.

-I met the smartest businessman ever. He sells ice cream in the summer, best-selling books in the fall, suitcases around holiday season, scarves and gloves after the holidays, and baseball gloves in the spring. Boy does that man know how to sell.

-The time when you grow old and you realize a lot of your teenage crushes have STDs and you thank yourself for being a good boy!

-Life would be so much easier if people called Hanukkah the festival of lights or something.  

-Life would be even easier if we called Christmas the festival of gifts or something.

-I remember as a child someone gave me a card that said “I know you don’t celebrate X-Mas so I’m only giving you this card as a gift.” I replied with a card that said “thank you for the card, but Y-Mas you not give me a gift?”

-I couldn’t afford Christmas gifts this year, so I had a drink with Santa to discuss a settlement.

-As a Christmas gift to my wife, I gave her a torn credit card, with a card saying “here’s a gift, it’s worth a hundred grand we’ll be saving next year.”

-New year’s resolution: re-learn how to meet people and talk to them face-to-face. I mean, my ex-wife used to send me text messages at dinner meetings, but now my friends are doing that.

-Awkward advice to my sisters: if a guy has a tattoo he probably has herpes. Awkward advice.

-A few more days and we’ll get to say President Trump. The President’s secretary’s desk will be known as PTSD (President Trump’s Secretary’s Desk).

-After crossfit and paleo and vegan diets a new trend: paleolectric, basically meaning you can’t use technology except for when you blog about it.

-I told a guy I could speak 9 languages and the guy said “that’s a useless skill.” Then I told him I owned his house. He was like “no.” and I was like “that’s a useless lease you have on that house.”

-Technology side effects: some guys in Europe are starving to death. Not Africa, not some remote island. Europe. Why? Because they were too shy to ask for food.

Happy 20th Ovi! And Happy Holidays!

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