I couldn’t think of anything smart to write for Ovi’s anniversary other than I’ve met awesome people and that I’ve enjoyed reading a lot of the articles since May 2005, that is 6 months after Ovi started publishing. Back then Newropeans Magazine had introduced me to Ovi, and it took me almost a couple of years before I could think of something smart to write for Ovi. My first articles were a little shabby I’ll confess, but I’ll say only few articles really make me blush. More importantly, Ovi has most of the articles archived, which gives me this weird feeling when I look back at old articles and remember “Oh, I wrote that after that conversation I had with that guy” and incites memories. Most importantly, Ovi kind of helped ease the wounds of a mother who has been absent for 32 years. But life’s about having fun, right? So happy birthday Ovi! And here are the jokes.

-It’s holiday season, also known as “I’m too hungover to go to work so will call my boss to say I was in a motorcycle accident” season.

-Saw this job advertisement “we’re looking for a kindergarten teacher who can also cook and change diapers and mop the floor and clean the venue. This is a volunteer position, but we might give you an allowance. No transportation provided.” Bet they got lots of applicants.

-I met the smartest businessman ever. He sells ice cream in the summer, best-selling books in the fall, suitcases around holiday season, scarves and gloves after the holidays, and baseball gloves in the spring. Boy does that man know how to sell.

-The time when you grow old and you realize a lot of your teenage crushes have STDs and you thank yourself for being a good boy!

-Life would be so much easier if people called Hanukkah the festival of lights or something.  

-Life would be even easier if we called Christmas the festival of gifts or something.

-I remember as a child someone gave me a card that said “I know you don’t celebrate X-Mas so I’m only giving you this card as a gift.” I replied with a card that said “thank you for the card, but Y-Mas you not give me a gift?”

-I couldn’t afford Christmas gifts this year, so I had a drink with Santa to discuss a settlement.

-As a Christmas gift to my wife, I gave her a torn credit card, with a card saying “here’s a gift, it’s worth a hundred grand we’ll be saving next year.”

-New year’s resolution: re-learn how to meet people and talk to them face-to-face. I mean, my ex-wife used to send me text messages at dinner meetings, but now my friends are doing that.

-Awkward advice to my sisters: if a guy has a tattoo he probably has herpes. Awkward advice.

-A few more days and we’ll get to say President Trump. The President’s secretary’s desk will be known as PTSD (President Trump’s Secretary’s Desk).

-After crossfit and paleo and vegan diets a new trend: paleolectric, basically meaning you can’t use technology except for when you blog about it.

-I told a guy I could speak 9 languages and the guy said “that’s a useless skill.” Then I told him I owned his house. He was like “no.” and I was like “that’s a useless lease you have on that house.”

-Technology side effects: some guys in Europe are starving to death. Not Africa, not some remote island. Europe. Why? Because they were too shy to ask for food.

Happy 20^th Ovi! And Happy Holidays!