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Who'll play Saddam?
by Asa Butcher
2007-01-18 10:04:32
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As sequels go, this one has an extremely generous budget that shows no sign of making any money at the Box Office. It could go down as one of the biggest flops since Vietnam: The Movie, yet we are all quietly wondering whether the American administration are building for a third installment for their box set, perhaps with Syria or Iran in the title.

In the first film released in 1990, President Bush was unable to dethrone the villain of the piece, Mr. S Hussein, leaving an open end that demanded a sequel. The Kuwaiti people had been saved from the invaders, their oil wells exploded in a special effects extravaganza and CNN's cinematography had produced images unparalleled in the history of war coverage.

A decade or so later all the primary characters were reunited, albeit one was the son out for revenge. It was still unknown whether Mr. Hussein had any underground lairs or white cats, although secret headquarters within a hollowed volcano were ruled out early due to Iraq's lack of volcanic activity. It was, and still is, unknown if the baddy even had any WMDs, although you were waiting for an American official to yell, “You do, we know you do! We have the receipts to prove it!”

The screenwriter of the sequel had run out of ideas and resorted to clichéd warfare, propaganda and our proverbial well-meaning politicians turning out to be barefaced liars. We had all seen it before, so it was no surprise when they caught the villain this time around – every sequel has the same capture sequence. Of course, the trial was televised and featured melodramatic scenes worthy of any TV movie, naturally lacking the quiet dignity portrayed in Judgment at Nuremburg.

Yes, they found the baddy guilty and we patiently awaited his escape from justice, dramatically released by a team of mercenaries, but then they killed him. He wasn't killed during an exciting jailbreak, he didn't construct a rope from the hair in his moustache and hang himself, no, they just hanged him. Two wars, thousands of lives, millions of dollars, a country in ruins, reputations destroyed, and they just stuck a noose around his neck and opened a trapdoor - the Butcher of Baghdad hung like the carcass of a cow.

What next? Now the villain has been deposed, what can we expect if another sequel is in order? More troops will need to be sent to Iraq, with the draft reintroduced into America and this will trigger riots and protests at home. Ahh, the third installment will be in America, of course. It will feature intertwining stories of real people, real families, and the arrogance of politicians and a president, who still has no clue. There will be one politician whose son is drafted, so he fights against the war and it becomes a Mr. Smith Goes to Washington story - one man against Congress and all that.

Watch this space for the review and check the shelves of your local computer game store for the Xbox Iraq game. It is unlikely that Mr. Hussein will make a return, even with cloning technology, so my warning is simple: Watch out for his daughter.

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