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Snake Bite Tee-Shirts And Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
by Leah Sellers
2014-09-15 10:40:33
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“Have you got your Governor Rick Perry and District Attorney Lehmberg tee-shirt yet, Harvey ?”
“Nope, and I don’t want one neither.  And that’s an on-purposefully used double-negation, Harv, to emphasize my disgust over the whole affair.”
“Well, why in tarnation not ?  Looky here, at how Purty and Smiley-Faced ‘ole Ricky looks in his official criminal mug shot.  Never knew that they could make a person look so good in a police station mug shot.  But ‘ole Rick pulled it off like the Champeen, that he is.  And just look at his hair.  It’s perfect.  We’ve gotta’ mighty handsome Cheerleader Leadin’ the Republican Party now,”  Hank smiled smugly.
“And just compare it to what’s on back of this tee-shirt,”  Hank continued as he turned around to show-off the back of his recently purchased treasure.  “It’s ‘ole District Attorney Lehmberg’s drunken and unhappily disheveled mug shot.  Taken the night she was arrested for her DWI or do they call’em DUI’s now.  I forget.  But anyways, there’s simply no comparison between ‘em, Harv.  As far as criminal mug shots go, Ole Ricky’s got her beat hands-down.  The Democrats have got to be turnin’ backward cart-wheels over this walkin’-’n-talkin’ piece of PR I’m proudly wearin’ right now.  There’s no way the court’s gonna’ find ‘ole Rick guilty of any of the felony charges he’s been indicted on in the Ruby Red Republican State of Texas.  No way !”
“Hank, have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you’d embarrass yourself by wearin’a tee-shirt of two arrested Political Leaders ?  What on God’s Green Earth does that say about the Leadership in the State of Texas, which is, just for your information, goin’ Purple as we speak ?”
Hank glared squinty-eyed at his old Friend Harvey for a brief moment.  “Ricky is governor of this fine State, Harvey.  He has been workin’ long and hard to find a way to get rid of that pesky ‘ole Public Protection Unit run by the Democrats to keep Politicians honest.  And he finally got a toe-hold into doin’ just that when ‘ole Lehnberg got followed and tattled on about bein’ drunk while drivin’ home from a party.  And yes, I already know that she had already pulled over and was restin’ in a church parkin’ lot when the police got directed to her vehicle.  But that makes no never mind.  It’s just too bad that Lehmberg fought Ricky over his threatenin’ to close the Public Protection Unit if she didn’t resign, and let him put in someone of his choosin‘ who would do his biddin‘.  Especially since a few other judges workin’ for Texas, who just happened to be primarily Republicans, were never punished or asked to resign for their DWI’s or DUI’s or whatever they call pullin’
drunk drivers over for anymore.  I admit that that part of it doesn’t look too good.  But be that as it may, Lehmberg should a’ laid down like a good Blue Dog Democrat, and let ’ole Rick have his way.  It’s her fault that the worst photo ever taken of ’ole Lehmberg wound up on the back of this here tee-shirt.  Hers and hers alone.”
“Hank, if I’ve learned anything it’s that none of us ever does anything alone, especially in Politics.  There’s always folks we don’t even know about involved in, and complicatin’ all kinds of business when it comes to the Politics of somethin’ anywhere.  But that tee-shirt you’re so proudly wearin’ is the Height of Hypocrisy.”
“Are you callin’ me a Hypocrite ?”  Hank snapped back.
“I am.  Have you ever asked yourself what the difference is between Rick Perry’s bein’ out on the Presidential Trail high as a kite on Pain Killers a few years back, after his back surgery, and embarrassin’ himself and the State of Texas over It and his Oopsville mistakes on National T.V., and District Attorney Lehmberg’s sleepin’ intoxicated in her car after a party she attended on her own free-time, and bein’ arrested for it ?”  Harvey asked.
“Aww, Harvey, that’s not fair.  He was in serious pain from that back surgery.  His bein‘ high as a kite back then was a temporary condition.”  Hank grumbled.
“I know that.  And for all we know Lehmberg may have been in some kind of serious emotional pain herself over somethin’, and was usin’ the booze temporarily to ease her pain, just like ’ole Rick.  You didn’t see her puttin’ out some nasty-minded tee-shirt about his Oops ! Moments of Weakness now did ya’ ?  I’ll answer that for ya’ since it was just a rhetorical question anyway.  No, you didn’t, Hank.  No, you didn’t.”
“Yeah, but she broke the Law, Harvey.  She could a’ had a wreck and hurt someone else.”
“Yeah, well the Grand Jury indicted ’ole Ricky because they think that he broke the Law, too, Hank.  And who’s to say how many Folks will be hurt because they don’t have the Public Protection Unit on their side and Protectin’ them and their Interests from the Big Boy and Girl Fat Cats who will sure-a-shootin’ run all over the Just Plain Folk of Texas whenever and wherever they can.”
“And if he’ll do that to Texas, Hank, he’ll do it to America.”
“You are plumb loco, Harvey.  There is no talkin’ any Sense into you !”
“Into me ?!  You wanna’ vilify a District Attorney - a State’s Prosecutor who has only ever tried to do a good job for the Folks of Texas amongst a very tough Republican opposition in favor of a good-lookin’, Cheerleadin’, Card Carryin’, “I’m a Man of The Almighty Few” !  And you try and tell me that I’ve got no Sense ?”
“Pshaw, Hank, you are full of Malarkey.  Just stinkin’ full of it !”
“Maybe the Democrats oughta’ sink to the Republican’s Low and find an old snap shot of Rick in overall’s spittin’ watermelon seeds with his lips formed into a great big ’ole “Ooops !”, with his hair all windblown and in a mess.  And have ’ole Lehmberg go to a professional Photographer’s Studio all dolled up with make-up and ultra-hold hair spray, and have her Smile all purty-like for the cameras.  And put her on the front of the tee-shirt and ’ole Oopsville spittin’ and messed up Rick on the back of the shirt with a caption that says, “Oops ! Pain Killers anybody ?”
“That makes no Sense at all, Harvey !”  Hank barked.
“It makes as much Snakebite Sense as the tee-shirt you’re paradin’ around in, Hank !”  Harvey shot back.
“I think it’s time for me to leave !”  Hank pushed back the lawn chair he’d been sittin; in on Harvey’s large front porch.
“Well maybe it is.  But before you go, Peggy Joy made a Pineapple Upside-down Cake for Janet Lee, the kids and you, as a ‘thank you’ for watchin‘ over our house while we were gone on vacation last week.  Wait a minute, and I’ll bring it out to ya’ or you can just come on into the house and thank Peggy Joy yourself over a cup of coffee with us before you go.  I know she’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
“Oh alright, but just for Peggy Joy, mind you.”
“And her prize winnin’ Pineapple Upside-down Cake, too, I imagine.”
“And that, too, Hank.  That, too.”

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