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Watch-Dogs and Ice Cream: A Little Bark and Slurp
by Leah Sellers
2014-08-24 13:29:48
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Somewhere in the UnReal Realities of the Gaming Cosmos and Ethers of Texas Political Retribution, the fur is ‘a flyin’………..
“Come on, Man.  You can’t take all of this seriously.  You gotta’ let it roll off your shoulders like water off of a duck.”
“But, you’ve been indicted by the Travis County of Texas’ Grand Jury for two very serious Official Crimes, Sir.  The First Degree Felony of ‘abuse of official capacity’ carries a sentencing of 5 to 99 years in prison, and a fine of up to $10,000.  The Third Degree Felony of ‘coercion of a Public Servant’ carries a sentencing of 3 to 10 years in the hoose-cow, and a fine of up to $10,00.  These are both very serious Crimes that you have been charged with, Sir.  Of course, I am concerned.  I would be derelict in my duty to you if I were not,”  the young Governor’s Assistant exasperatedly explained.
“Naw, nothin’ will ever come of it.  I had every right to try and force District Attorney, Rosemary Lehmberg to resign after she got brought up on DUI/DWI charges and served 45 days in jail for drunk driving last year.”
“I’ve been tryin’ to get rid of that ‘ole Watch-Dog group, the Texans for Public Justice for years.  And Lehmberg’s slip with the bottle gave me the perfect Opportunity to do ’em in.  They are nothin’ but a thorn in the side of every Republican in our very Red State of Texas.  They apply every trick in the Book to keep us from tryin’ to help ourselves, our wealthy contributors, cronies and cohorts to any and everything that we have or have had a hankerin’ for, for years.  They are always breathin’ down our necks and makin’ our Deal-Makin‘-Wheelin’-and-Dealin’ hard to bring to fruition.”
“I was wantin’ to boot her out, for good cause, mind you, and replace her little ‘ole Elected-by-the-People derry-aire with my own man.  Then the sky would have been the limit for whatever we all wanted to do with and to the State of Texas, ’cause that office would have been neutered by my man.  Would have turned a Blind Eye to all of my and my Capitalizin‘ Compadres comin‘s and goin‘s.”
“But that ‘ole Lehmberg broad is a tough cookie.  She wouldn’t budge.  So, I told her, you quit or I’ll veto the monies you need to keep your little ‘ole, pain in my derry-aire, Public Integrity Unit alive and thrivin‘.  It was a win-win situation for me no matter what.”
“I’ll decide what the Integrity of Texas is to be.  I’m the Governor-of-Texas-who-wants-to-be-President-of-the-United States.  Not that little ‘ole Pain-in-the-derry-aire, Lehmberg and that Public Integrity Unit.”
She, and her Supporters of that pesky Public Integrity Unit, have gotten all they deserve.  Especially, when I vetoed the 7.5 million dollars from the District Attorney’s office forcin’ the Travis County Taxpayers to only partially fund the Texans for Public Justice’s Office.”
“Ha !  Several Prosecutors and Staff lost their miserable jobs or had to be reassigned.  They can all go and be a Pain-in-Someone-else’s-Derry-Aire for all I care, ha !”
“What really got my goat is when that ‘ole San Antonio Attorney Michael McCrum-Bum told the news that he was ‘confident in the strength of the charges’ brought against me, after he interviewed some 40 odd folks related in some way to the events in question, and the collection of other facts related to this case.”
“Ole McCrum-Bum sounded like a bombastic fool when he said that ‘the Law is the Law.  The Elements are the Elements.”  I’ll show that dude what the Elements are, because this Thor is boltin’ out of the sky with thunder and lightning and is gonna’ Rain all over that clown’s, Lehmberg’s and the Public Integrity Unit’s parade !”
“It’s not criminal to be a Bully, although, I must admit that most of the Bullies that I’ve ever had dealin’s with have wound up to be criminals.  But, be that as it may, they are gonna’ feel my wrath, the wrath of my Party and the cronies and cohorts that I represent in the great State of Texas, and soon !”
“I’ve already chained the Watch-Dogs to the Dog House.  Now, they’re just all Barkin’ frustration and no Bite of Legitimacy, Honesty, Integrity and Justice for One and All, ‘cause me and my Gang are the One-and-All’s.”
“They will no longer Bark and Bite the Mis-creants for the overall Checks-and-Balances and Protection of the Public Trust.”
“Sir, the Camera Crew is here.”
“Good, now everybody Smile pretty for the cameras and say, “Lehmberger Cheese, if you please.’”
“Good.  Now, Press and Perry Supporters, if you’ll just follow us on down to the Travis County Court House for my indicted Felon’s Mugshot, Finger-Printing and Sandy’s Ice Cream Extravaganza ‘to victimized me’ publicity event, and ‘I-get-to-go-home-and-not-get-arrested’ celebration, we’ll get this show on the road.”
A Lone Reporter broke from the Perry Pack.  “Governor Perry, sir, have you heard about the Teenager, Michael Brown, in Ferguson, Missouri, who got shot dead in the middle of the street for jaywalking and/or pilfering a box of cigars from a convenience store?  And whose corpse was left uncovered for all of the Residential Families and their Children to See for two hours or
more ?”
Rick Perry smiled disarmingly and shrugging his shoulders said, “Oops,  You know the ’ole Dogs that I’m standin’ on are really Barkin’ today, folks.  Ice Cream Everyone ?  Anyone……?”

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