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Cracking Knuckles
by Christopher Wilkinson
2007-04-11 09:45:24 |
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The Giant, in his castle made of large and mossy stones, sat at his table. He had caught an intruder. Each time an intruder came he always pounded his feet heavily on the floor, causing a tremble, and roared out the words "Phee, Phi, Pho, Phum, I smell the blood of an Englishman! Be he live or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread." He said this slogan whenever intruders came in -- all too frequently. In fact he had a large pantry of bread.
This latest intruder was not English, had no I.D., and spoke in a language that hurt the Giant's ears. Things being boring in the castle, the Giant decided to spend a few weeks to find out where the guy came from, and what language he spoke.
The guy was a spy. He had infiltrated the lower branches of the beanstalk on the pretext of being willing to sell his cow for beans. When he got his chance, he went for the top -- and there he found the Giant's castle. His mission's plan was recognisance and surveillance. The Giant was used to his ilk, and nabbed him easily.
In his youth he had learned a long-dead dialect of Abyssianian. He didn't know it very well, but -- being afraid of torture – gobbled it out.
The Giant sat and listened for a few weeks. Then, one morning, he said "Phum," and went to his library. He quickly looked through a giant tome, and then started to speak Old Abyssianian to the man.
It was soon clear that the man did not know the language very well, and spoke it with an accent.
"Phum, Phum, Phram, Damn, you are no Abyssianian man. I don't want your meat and I don't want your bones, so into the pit you will be thrown! I will put you in the Abbys, and you will be Abbys In, Ehem! Phat, Rat, Scat!"
He picked up the fellow, tossed him out the window. The guy landed on a giant Bean Leaf, and bounced to the ground.
No one believed his story.
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