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Back to Helsinginkatu 10: Chapter 23 Back to Helsinginkatu 10: Chapter 23
by Thanos Kalamidas
2010-09-20 08:52:25
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23. A bad mood morning

The evening gone quiet with me watching episodes of the comic series “Frasier” the one after the other, and I think it was something like after two in the morning when I realized that I hadn’t watch more than a couple of episodes and I had gone to a deep dreamless sleep. Suddenly I felt very tired, mentally and physical. Perhaps the stress of the last few days had taken over my diabetes and that I had forgotten to keep simple things like having a snack at proper times hadn’t helped much. I decided to be more careful the coming day and I fell asleep again.


Only this time everything was different. My long time dead father and Alexei started parading in a series of dreams that had a lot of confused situations. One minute I was having a dinner with my father the next minute I was in the car with Alexei heading for Sörnainen and the park where Ferah was found and then arriving there I could see myself with Leena standing and looking at all the photos spread on the ground. Four o’clock in the morning I woke up in agony, I had a glass of water and I turned off the television that was showing the logo of the DVD player. This time there was more action in my dreams. Me, somewhere in Yorkshire running in a dark road trying to reach some lights and never getting there and then it was Marc in the middle of the road asking me for direction, something that would make a huge joke since everybody - especially Marc – knows that I have absolutely no sense of direction.

Six o’clock in the morning I was out in the patio smoking and trying to calm down a mind that was racing like mad. The neighbourhood was still quiet with very few having returned from their holidays, the newspaper boys had finished their round and there was none to go to work so early. After I heard the first metro going past I made coffee and returned to the patio watching a small sparrow looking for worms in the grass in front of me. It was too early to call somebody and I was dispirited for some company. I wish it was winter. At least when it is winter and everything around you dark you can excuse your dark moods. Now it is summer, everything around seem to blooming and here is me in one of my darkest moods.

Nine o’clock and I’m dressed ready to go to the centre. Perhaps seeing people will improve my mood. The day is summerish but not so hot; perhaps it will come some refreshing rain later. Perhaps if the rain comes it will do some refreshing to my mind as well.

Usually when I go to the centre to reload or something like that I have a pattern. Helsinki is a small city compared especially to the other capitals I lived until I moved here. There are certain landmarks identifying the centre of the city and certain paths to follow when in the centre for a walk. Usually I step out of the metro at the central railway station and following the underground paths I lead my way to Alexanderkatu which I suppose with Mannerheimintie make the most central roads in Helsinki.  Alexanderkatu is somehow a shopping street that makes it more interesting for a walk with people constantly walking around even in the worm summer days or the arctic cold winter nights. Next to Alexanderkatu is the Esplanade Park that goes all the way to the market and the port.

During the summer this is the one spot you can see all short of people walking around. From groups of Japanese to Americans with huge budges on their chest with their name. Groups of young people singing and older couple eating ice-cream. In that mark of the city there are two of my favourite spots. A huge five floor international bookshop with gigantic collection of books in English and a café with the best cappuccino and cinnamon ban in the city with tables outside where I can join two of my favourite relaxation things smoke and drink coffee the same time!

But first, before having coffee it is the bookshop. If I had a lot of money I would be crazy enough to by every single book is published. I have this strange believe that there is no such thing as a bad book at least before you read it. I have read some of the most boring and nonsense books in my life, some of them didn’t make sense from page one; still even the worst of them gave me something even if that something was the rejection. But here comes another thing that for some could identify as a problem at least when it comes to logistics. I never throw away a book doesn’t matter how bad it might be or how much I didn’t like it even if I hated it. There are all there.

But that day I was not in the mood for browsing books so I stepped into the magazines department, another great attraction of the certain bookshop and picked “Time” magazine after having a quick look at the newspapers. Paid the magazine and walked to the café in Esplanade, ordered my cappuccino and my cinnamon ban and walked with my tray outside to find a table. Lucky for a chance there was a table around the corner and sat down to enjoy the triple joy, coffee, magazine and cigarette.

And I started as usual with the letters to editor something I do only with “Time” magazine and I was on my second cigarette when I don’t know what made me look at the street and cross the road at the Esplanade park. In the beginning I didn’t know what I was looking but it was like those pictures where the instructions is to find what is wrong and you can feel what is wrong is just that you cannot spot it. Until I did and nearly lost any control with my coffee cup and nearly found all the coffee all over the magazine and perhaps my trousers.

Alexei, tall with his long hair was there across the street near the traffic lights ready to cross the road with a very wide smile on his face and there is nothing wrong with that picture and it wasn’t wrong even the fact that Alexei was not alone but he was with a woman. But the wrong was coming with the woman, even from this distance she looked just like Ferah, she was Ferah and I was definitely loosing my mind.

Fine, I’m cursed today not to enjoy a damn thing, I was thinking while putting the magazine inside my bag, my cigarettes packet to my pocket and standing up just on time when Alexei with the girl had crossed the road and they were heading for the next street towards Mannerheimintie.



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