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Michigan Jones: Hit Man: Chapter 3 Michigan Jones: Hit Man: Chapter 3
by Asa Butcher
2008-07-12 08:41:05
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What's the science word for a phobia of blood? Hemophobia, maybe? Well, as fucking strange as it sounds for a licensed hit man to say, I've got a bloody phobia. I don't pass out or vomit, I just get the creeps, plus it is a bitch to get the stain out of leather. It's usually worst when I'm faced with some guy that is bare-chested and I have to shoot him, ya know, directly in the chest - the death shot, since the head is far to messy for me and just not my style. I think they deserve to keep their looks.

Nah, even thinking about it gives me the shudders. The looks a mark can give you when you ask them to put a shirt on or wrap a blanket round them, damn, it makes their final thought of this world, "I'm being killed by a freakin' weirdo!" Not that it really bothers me after the trigger is squeezed, but we all have our self-esteem issues.

Anyway, what does get blood out of leather? This time it ain't your 'I paper cut the end of my finger' droplet, this is the 'bullet severed the main artery in his neck and it sprayed fucking everywhere'. What does bleach do to leather? Shit, that was my favourite jacket. Shit, it was my only jacket and now it is looks like the cow after it was stripped from its body. Funny ain't it, you don't really picture hit men heading to their local shopping mall to restock their wardrobe; a naked hit man is not going to get very far in this terrible weather.

"No, I don't have or want a fucking loyalty card!" Loyalty, what the fuck? Loyal to a shop, what next? Loyal till they go bankrupt and leave the useless rectangle of plastic rotting in your wallet, next to the other dozen or so cards. The guy waiting before me had a full deck of the things - I thought he was going to perform a freakin' magic trick, "Pick a card, any card!"

No doubt I made him nervous when I growled, my nerves craved another of those little pills and I was all out. Some brain doc was spouting some crap a few years ago about us hit men and the psychosis we suffer. Excuse me doc, but it is a job and you had better hold back your opinion till you check out some of the dossiers that are sent my way…I'm psychotic? No, I'm doing a job, sometimes even a public service. Turns out the doc was abusing his child patients, so he ends up face to face with one those 'psychotic' hit men.

Don't romanticize us; it's like when you were a kid and you thought working in a hamburger would be cool coz you could eat all the fast food ya wanted. Not many feel that way after cleaning up the grease for the fourth year in a row. Shit, the other crap us hit men have to deal with is people we know that want freebies, "Can ya just kill…" No! Anyway, why is it only certain professions that are supposed to dish out the favours? Hairdressers asked to give free haircuts to family, but why not free gynaecology exams from your uncle the gynaecologist for the ladies of the family? Now spread those legs nice and wide for Uncle Jimmy…


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