Joshua Tompkins was crawling along the edge of icy mountain. There was a deep chasm to his left. A lifeless desert of snow and ice laid to his right. He was dressed in his thermal underwear. It was so good at keeping him warm that he threw away everything else. From his previous scientific travels he learned that excessive luggage tended to slow him down. He was near the end of his journey. He felt that his lost friend must be somewhere around here. Joshua moved closer to the edge of the chasm and looked down.
'Oh my God!'
He shook his head in disbelief. Yet it seemed to be true.
'The Earth is flat! This is its end,' – He gasped at the majestic picture that was slowly unfolding itself before his very eyes.
Suddenly he heard a sound of muffled steps approaching. He glanced over his shoulder and cried out. There was a tall muscular man, dressed in what appeared to be a black rubber suit, standing within a few feet and grinning at Joshua evilly. There was clear and deadly threat sloshing in man's bleak, deadly yellow eyes. The man held in his hand what seemed to be a stack of cheaply looking leaflets.
'I'm collecting signatures for environmental campaign, '– The man said in cold expressionless tone of voice and held out a leaflet, 'You wanna take one?'
'Well, sure…' – Joshua had barely enough time to rise to his feet when the man grabbed him and hurled him into the chasm below. When Joshua's distant cries died away the man inserted a finger into his nose and pushed a button planted inside of his right sinus to activate radio connection with the Centre. Then he fished a pair of headphones and small mike out of his pocket, put them on and listened.
'Yes sir. Everything is done according to plan 'B', sir ', - He roared into the mike while standing at military attention. A tiny insect – like voice buzzed in his headphones for a little longer then stopped. The man took off his gear and put it back into his pocket. The next he unfolded a miniature propeller that lay hidden in secret compartment of his rubber trousers, screwed it to the top of his head and took a deep breath. The propeller was the newest top secret US army device known only to very limited Army specialists under the code name 'Flying crocodile of Doom and Total Destruction, often abbreviated as EfCiDomTIDom, serial num. 258439---#$%^&^^*)(*&)'. It didn't require any energy and could function at will. The man rose above the ground and, directed by an invisible laser beam that connected him with the Center, rushed toward Washington DC.
It was the biggest press conference in United States history. Senator Smith was enjoying his land-sliding success enormously.
'See here, folks? They'd been fooling us for way too long, ya see? The Earth is flat and that's the fact! Those bastards whom we, common folks call a current administration 'been covering up the fact all this years,'- He roared, shaking papers in the air. One of journalists raised his hand.
'Excuse me sir.'
'Yeah, what it is?'
'We would like to hear your comments on how this new sensational knowledge would affect a current situation regarding Global warming?'
'What? The Hell with Global warming I always say! Buy yourself lighter coat and that'll be the end of that damned Global warming for ya!'
The audience roared with laughter.
Suddenly there came crash at the back of the room. Everyone gasped. It looked like a living tornado.
'You bastard! You killed my mom and now you wanna become a pres!' – People immediately recognized daughter of Jezebia Smith who at this moment rushed across the conference room and jumped up on a platform.
'What the hell are you doing in here, kiddo?' – grumbled Senator Smith.
'This!' – She took a deep breath and delivered powerful kick in Senator's groins. A man groaned and collapsed on a floor, clutching at his peripherals. Jennifer snatched a stolen file and put in into her purse.
'This file has been stolen from one of our famous scientists! The man was killed but this guy over here - he unearthed the plot!' – She yelled and pointed into the crowd. Everyone turned around and saw Tompkins who was standing there with weak smile on his deathly pale face.
'Yes, yes! They tried to kill this man too but he survived and brought back this news of the greater deception in US history.'
'What does it mean? What's going on?' – A choir of frustrated journalists filled electrified air.
Joshua Tompkins climbed onto the platform and said:
'The Earth is not flat! It is more like… more like… a thick pancake!'- He was seemingly lost for words and just waived his arms in the air, spitting saliva in all directions, unable to describe an awesome picture that still hang before his eyes.
'But that's different!' -Someone cried from the back of the crowd:' And here we were- listening to this cock and bull tale of a flat Earth when Earth is not flat! Shame on you Senator!'
'President of United States!' – Cried out someone.
A dead silence fell on the room once more. Every head turned around and then every face broke into happy grin. The Great Leader Himself was proceeding quietly toward the podium, surrounded by his aides. He looked majestically Presidential but at the same time there was something touchingly human in his remarkable appearance. He walked to the front of the room and gave one of his enigmatic smiles. The room exploded into cheers.
'Hey there, folks!'- The President said, scanning the crowd. All eyes, burning with happiness turned enthusiastically toward the Man. Everyone held his breath, afraid to miss a single word of the Leader.
'I've heard these rumors only this morning, folks, about this remarkably disturbing discovery, and as I was passing this building this afternoon, I thought “What the Heck! Lemme just pop in just for a second and quiet all these good folks down a bit.' All I can say to you that all is well that ends well, isn't it?'
People laughed and nodded. Someone started to cry with happiness.
'Yes. All is well and resolved! Our great country gives back to all people its beloved non- flat Earth! I might say that there were some unfortunate individuals who thought they might manipulate public opinion but they were proved wrong! All I might say now that once again this great country demonstrated excellent example of scientific wit, bravery and strive for freedom and democracy, unsurpassed all though history, to the rest of all humankind! Good day to you ladies and gentlemen!'
The crowd broke into cheers one more time. It was a few hours later when Jennifer and Joshua faced each other outside of press conference room. They'd watched a Senator Smith as the politician skulked out of the building still groaning and holding his lower self. It was absolutely clear that his political career was over. Jennifer cried from happiness.
'I love you Joshua. You're my hero. You've saved the day. You've saved the whole darn planet of ours and no mistake. I love you!'
'Hmm…'- Joshua Tompkins nodded.
'You must tell me everything, d'you hear? Everything! Like how you've been saved and how you fought those horrid men in rubber suits afterwards, OK?'
'Sure baby… I'll tell you everything but let's do it first all right? I'm kinda horny…'
'Yeah, yeah, let's go somewhere quiet.'
They emerged from the building and jumped into the first cab that came along. It turned out to be the most beautiful day in their lives.
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