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Dear John Dear John
by Juliana Elo
Issue 4
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Nice to meet you, I’m Juliana. My mom calls me Maricota and my grandma calls me Cotinha – I have no clue of what they mean. My brother calls me Judy, but my husband, for odd reasons, prefers Jujitsu. To my old aunts, I’m Juju, but, for the most part, my friends are more economical and call me just Ju.

Finnish people often call me Julia or Jules – I understand my name is too long for this country of Mikas and Kimis. The only ones who used to call me by my name were the nuns in the school I studied from kindergarten to high school, but they would just call me in the case of bad behaviour, missing homework, too short skirts…I guess that is why I developed such trauma that even the strange “Maricota” sounds better than Juliana.

So you are John, the part Norwegian guy… Are you a descendent of Nils Pederson Haugen? Do you keep touch with your Norwegian relatives? Have you been there? I went to Norway last summer and it was awesome! I love Norway. The country is just so beautiful, and the people were so friendly and nice. It’s a great place to find “cute Scandinavians”. The women there are gorgeous, like, in my opinion, all Nordic women.

How is life in Chicago? I had a friend who went there as an exchange student. It seems she enjoyed it Frank’s city, “My kind of town, Chicago is… my kind of people too, people who smile at you”. Is it as charming as before? I’ve never been to the USA, and I don’t intend to, as long as they keep this “visit control” on their borders.

I read the United States has been losing a lot of money in tourism because of that. It’s really stupid from Bush to run after Lula to try to get Brazil to join the FTAA (Free Trade of the Americas) but treat Brazilians as possible terrorists. Anti-Americanism has grown greatly in Brazil. Do you know now people from USA are also obligated to have their pictures taken when they land on Brazilian soil?

This is extremely sad, but it had to be done. It’s important that Brazil faces USA, we have suffered too many abuses since the Monroe Doctrine (1823), also abridged as “The America to the Americans”- which actually meant the whole continent of America to north-Americans. That’s one of my biggest problems when it comes to the USA, I don’t accept it as America. USA is not America. All of us are Americans: Chileans, Argentineans, Uruguayans, Paraguayans, Brazilians, Bolivians, Peruvians, Ecuadorians, Guyanese, Surinamers, Antiguans and Barbudans, Bahamians, Barbadians, Belizeans, Dominicans, Dominican Republicans, Bahamians, Grenadines, Guatemalans, Venezuelans, Hondurans, Nicaraguans, Panamanians, Saint Lucians, Kittitians & Nevisians, St Vincent & the Grenadians, Trinidad & Toboggans, Haitians, Jamaicans, Cubans, Mexicans, Canadians…and also you guys, United Statians!

God has answered your prayers; you’re not the only American here anymore! The situation so far is that Ovi has two Europeans and two Americans. Asa has Thanos, Thanos has Asa, Asa and Thanos have a marriage. You and I have never met and we are from the extremes of a huge continent, plus you are really cute, but I’m married already. Anyway, we need to join our forces.

I’m happy you are back! Keep touch, neighbour!

Juliana Elo


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