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Men's PMS Guide Men's PMS Guide
by Juliana Elo
Issue 3
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You never know the day when it will come, and when it comes you take some time to realize that it has come. She maybe starts crying, or gives you hell for something you said two years ago, and you don’t even remember saying that. What happened to your sweet little darling? Who is this monster?

Soundtrack: “…Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. And what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game…”

It’s said that 70% of women suffer from Pre-Menstrual Syndrome - but let me add some words of my own – and 100% of men. She suffers, you suffer. If she doesn’t, you’re luckier than the average guy is, but you’re not safe. There are many women with PMS out there.

And it’s all about hormones, damn things. For men, it’s easy: Men have testosterone, period. Men’s levels of testosterone decrease slowly after he is 20 or 30 years old, and that’s all! It may cause some humour changes, but you have a lot of time to learn to deal with it. Women’s hormones change more in a month, than men’s hormones change in his whole life!

Right after the period is over a woman’s body starts to produce estrogen and its level increases for 14 days. When estrogen gets to its maximum level, the body starts to produce progesterone, and the estrogen level decreases. During the period, both hormone levels reset to zero. Imagine what this hormonal rollercoaster doesn’t cause!

Its depression, sadness, anxiety, anger, irritability, indecision, lack of concentration, headache, breast tenderness, joint pain, muscle pain, insomnia, hypersomnia, anorexia, food cravings, fatigue, lethargy, agitation, clumsiness, dizziness, vertigo, paresthesia, nausea, palpitations, sweating, acne, greasy or dry hair and gain weight – among other symptoms.

But forget the others. Take just the last three symptoms: acne, problems with hair and weight gain. Understood now? It’s a female’s hell.

She can be a kilo fatter, which is already reason enough to cry three litres of tears, scream for four hours and break five objects that she can reach. If you try to hold her, she’ll refuse you. If you want to talk, she won’t. If you don’t say anything, she’ll accuse you of not loving her anymore. And, for God’s sake, of all the things you shouldn’t do, please don’t try to be funny. It’s irritating.

Doctors are unanimous: there’s no cure for PMS, so beware because women can be excused in court for committing crimes while suffering from PMS. There’s one solution though, at least for men, RUN!

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