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While Slowly On the Mend While Slowly On the Mend
by Leah Sellers
2018-10-03 08:14:01
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What happens to a Woman who’s sexually assaulted - stabbed and left to bleed out?
 
How does it Feel to awaken on a cold, hard floor, in a sticky pool of your own Life’s blood?
 
In the middle of the Night. A Dark Stain - adrift in Dark Fears - seeping into a Future of Dark Memories - Black Memorymares - in a jerking, shivering Body drenched in Disbelief, Fear Sweat and Terror.
 
What did she See? A Shadow Man’s blurred image locked within her dresser Mirror. Looming over her - a Scavenger of Now, Broken Dreams.
 
assal01_400No screaming. Her immediate reaction is to Bolt and Run. To Fly. Screaming’s a waste of precious Time.
 
Unknowingly, she is well trained. Her Past filled with Moments in enclosed Spaces with a Raging Father - his Monster Face Mask contorted - his Savage Belt, extension cords, and wire coat hangers (used only when the Belts were broken) swinging high and low. A Pendulum Scythe. Bringing in the sheaves. Collecting chaff, but no sweet wheat. Breaking, splitting, and scarring Flesh, Mind and Spirit.
 
She learned to Move - Move fast. To duck, side-step, slide, jump, crawl and roll to avoid the full strength - the full measure of each blow - or have the blow miss her tender Flesh (but, unfortunately, not her Mind and Spirit) altogether.
 
She’s a Run - Run - Runaway. She’ll Fly Away. Oh Glory, She’ll certainly try to Fly Away.
 
She never thought the Day would come when she would be grateful for that unwanted Childhood training in Self Protection - Self Preservation. It was in those enclosed Spaces with her Father wearing his Monster Face Mask that she also learned to Separate herself from the Terror of the Moment - the full Pain of each bruising, cutting, lash against her Skin - her Mind - her Spirit.
 
So, when the Shadow Man came ’a-callin’’ - she was already trained in Defensive Maneuvers. She didn’t Feel every knick and slice that the Dark Vulture scavenged out of her Flesh - her Mind - her Soul. She was on a Body numbing, Mind numbing, Soul numbing autopilot.
 
Only one thing continually determining her every Move. Get away from that Blade - from the stench of his drunken breath, Clawing Hand, and Swinging, Slicing Hand. Move Away - Fly Away from the Leering Lips that hiss and spit out those Terrible, Hate-filled Curses and Words to pierce her Ears and Heart, while his knife takes care of the rest.
 
Finally, pinned down to the ground. Writhing, wriggling, nowhere to Run. The Shadow Man’s stinking spittle drooling down upon her crimson face and neck. She no longer pleads for Mercy - for the Why’s or Wherefore’s. There is no Mercy - no meaningful Answers to be found. Not in those malevolent black eyes - that Black Heart of Dark Intentions.
 
What drove him to Become Who he Is? What he Is? What brought Them both to this Terrible Moment in Time and Space. Two Strangers wrangling within a macabre Dance of Life and Death?
 
Her Home would never be her Home-Sweet-Home again. There is no such thing as Safety. If Terror wants into your Abode. It will find a way.
 
She can hear his every ragged breath and curse. What does he want? What will he really Receive from all of this Horror?
 
She Thinks of Family and Friends - Things unDone - Places yet to be Discovered and Explored. She Feels everything at a distance. She is already Letting Go, because the Shadow Man with the Blade has his Fluttering Butterfly pinned inescapably to the hardwood floor.
 
There’s no one to Save her. She has not been able to Save herself. There is just her dying Body - the Demonic Shadow Man and his ever hovering and indiscriminately Swinging Blade.
 
The last thing the Woman remembers is the Shadow Man’s head jerking up and around. Her last Thought - “what does he hear“? She can’t hear anything, but the ringing roaring in her Ears.
 
Unconsciousness. Dark - Senseless Oblivion.
 
 When her Eyes open, the Woman is confused and stunned. Amazed and filled with Relief and Gratitude. She’s Alive - Alive!
 
The Shadow Man is gone and she is left a Broken Vessel of Bleeding Stone - all Alone - but Slowly on the Mend.
 
Later, she thinks, this is what it must be like for Country’s who are Raped, Mutilated and Pillaged by War. The biggest Shadow Demon of all.
 
The Shadow Men (and Women) wreak havoc. Rip, Tear and Blow things asunder. Take what is most Sacred from the Country and leave her to Bleed Out.
 
When the Pain gets too horrendous - the Suffering too much to bear - Her Collective Body loses too much Life’s Blood and goes into Societal Shock - Societal Unconsciousness. A Living, Wounded Death.
 
When the Country Awakens bruised, bloody and broken - but Alive. She is Amazed - Jubilant - Grateful, and Slowly on the Mend.
 
Why do We think that what affects/effects the Individual does not similarly effect/affect Societies? They are One and the Same. Societies are but a Collection of Individuals.
 
Rape, Assault, Murder and annihilating Chaos, whether perpetrated against Individuals or Countries, the Effects/Affects and Consequences are the Same.
 
When the Shadow Men (and Women) have forsaken their Bloody Violence and Brutal, Gluttonous Pleasures and Plunderings - when the Survivor or Survivors Awaken - they are all Broken Bodies - Broken Lifescapes - Broken Souls - All Slowly on the Mend.
 
The violated Woman - the violated Country - Becomes a War Zone. Filled with Inner Conflicts which soon Become symptomatic Outer Conflicts. Never Feeling Safe, Whole, Secure. Ceaselessly struggling not to be further Consumed by Fear and Hatred.
 
The marked and wounded Woman - the marked and wounded Country - must be Careful not to become Self and Other Destructive.
 
The Warriors trained to protect the damaged - the sullied - Woman - the damaged - the sullied - Country, even Salute her differently. Closed, Virginal Salutes are deemed only given to Countries undefeated in Battle, and Open, Exposed Salutes to Countries (and Country Men and Women) Raped by War - the second rate Losers.
 
Violated Women and violated Countries are treated differently, because they are different. They will Physiologically, Psychologically and Spiritually Never Be the Same. They become Strangers to Themselves and Others. Always staring Reflectively into the Looking Glass asking, “Who, What, When, Where and How am I”?
 
In the wide myriad of Choices before Them from that Moment on, they can Choose to find the Means and Ways to Love Within and Without of themSelves or not. Yes, they will be forever Changed, but they do not have to be forever ruined. Forever destroyed.
 
In order to effectively and meaningfully survive the Chaos Within the Woman - the Country must grab onto what is still Sane within themSelves - what is Sacred. They must take their Body, Mind and Soul by the scruff of the neck and say, “You will do better than just Survive this. This is not all that remains of Who you Are. This is not all that Defines Who you Are. You will grab hold of what is Best and Strongest and most Precious Within yourSelf and you will Rise Above this."
 
Yes, you have every right to moan and groan and quit. You have been cruelly Crucified and hung out to dry on rotten sticks of splintered wood. But you will Forgive the Thieves beside you - the Thief dwelling Within you Now - who would rob you of the rest of Your Life. Yes, you will Forgive the seemingly unForgivable. You will Forgive the Thieves within and without of you. Look them straight in the Eyes and tell them that they will be Resurrecting with you - Positively Transforming with you - Rising Above what is Dark, Afflicted, Vengeful and Mean within you. Tell the Soul Thieves and yourSelf, “I am more than this. You will not keep this Transformative Butterfly pinned down and drowning in her Sufferings. She will Struggle against you Soul Killers for the rest of her Life.”
 
It was a Hispanic Shadow Man who sought to kill the Woman’s Soul. It is Hispanic Children and Parents that she will reach out to Love and Help the most.
 
It was a Troubled and Twisted Soul who grabbed the Woman by the Throat and put Fear into every Cell of her Body - her Being. It is those same types of Souls that she will reach out to Teach and attempt to reDirect in Loving Ways.
 
The Country must reach out to Embrace her Enemies. Build Bridges of Communication and Cooperation with them. Not in subservience, but in order to create Mutual, Beneficial, Common Ground. Common Ground upon which Peace can be Sown and Thrive. Only then will she be able to bring into Fruition that which is Truly Noble, Bright, Beautiful and Best Within her.
 
The Shadow Man will forever be a part of the Woman - the Country. She must Recognize that - Acknowledge that. Swallow its bitter meanings whole. If the Woman - the Country chooses to forever Run from the Shadow Man - it will forever haunt her. Eventually it will decimate and consume her (Woman and Country). If the Woman - the Country - faces her Shadow Man - refuses to give into the Fear, Destructive Anger and Chaos of its Memorymares - its violence and violations. She - the Woman - the Country can Mend and ReCreate herself in Gracious, Innovative and Rejuvenating ways. It is an ongoing Cyclical Process of Successes and failures. From which, she, the Woman - the Country can become a New Being - a New Entity - of Hope and the Healing Energies and Strengths of Universal Love and Compassionate Action.
 
The Path of least resistance will be her - the Woman’s - the Country’s ruin. The Path of Greatest Resistance and Self Discipline will be her - the Woman’s - the Country’s Salvation. The Runaway - the Castaway or the Peaceful, Thoughtful, Loving Warrior. Daily, the Struggles and Choices will always be theirs - the Woman’s - the Country’s to deal with and to Make.
 
The Woman - the Country can choose to Descend or Ascend while Being Slowly on the Mend.

***************************************************

Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
You can download it for FREE HERE!
 
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