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Eureka: Signs you're under totalitarian management
by Jay Gutman
2018-04-19 07:57:03
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Management. There are a lot of books out there that will talk about effective management, how to motivate the troops and how to be a productive company. But a lot of companies don't opt for Fordism, Toyotism, or even Taylorism for that matter. Nor do they opt for total quality management or any of the other theories out there. They opt for totalitarian management. Here's what it looks like.

-Offices or floors cramped with people and with high ceilings. That's because when the office is cramped you can see and hear everyone. Higher ceilings also help get a better view at what the workers are doing. That way you can see if they're talking to each other or idling around.

manag1_400-Proctors in every office. Some people are just paid to watch the other people at work. And if they see people idling around or talking to each other, they will yell at them and punish them.

-CCTV cameras everywhere. If high ceilings, cramped spaces and proctors are not enough, you also need CCTV cameras. That way you can record people at work, and use the recordings against them.

-CCTV cameras and proctors at the cafeteria, in the office hallways and outside the office or factory. That way if you record two workers who seem to be talking to each other too much or enjoying each other's company too much, or who seem to be headed home together after work everyday, you can figure out whether they are unionizing.

-Dormitories and showers in the office, also with CCTV cameras. The paranoia does not stop at the cafeteria or outside the office. You also need to have dormitories because that's where workers stay after long hours, and need to put CCTVs in the rooms, and yes, in the showers, just in case some people are bonding too much.

-Heavier workloads for the chatterbox. If someone at work seems to enjoy chatting, it's probably because he or she wants to unionize. So you shower them with work until they resign.

-Office uniforms. If controlling workers isn't enough, you also need to make sure that they dress according to company codes. Dark suits and red ties, or blue sweaters, doesn't matter if it's 40 degrees celcius outisde.

-Control those haircuts and shaving. Like controlling how they dress isn't enough. You also need to control the size and shapes of their haircuts and make sure they come to work having shaved.

-Monitor that computer screen. It's not just connecting every computer screen to your computer screen, it's also access to their personal email and social media. A lot of companies force workers to give up their passwords for those. And if that's not enough, you also install software so you can freeze the computer screen or disconnect the internet if the worker is going out of bounds, say is complaining about your company.

-Monitor those phone calls. Whether it's the office phone or private cell phone, you have all the connections it takes to record every single phone call that's being made, and the power to disconnect the phone if the person's complaining about the company.

-Put CCTV cameras in the worker's private homes. Because you also want to monitor who your workers speak with and whether they are unionizing in the privacy of their own homes.

-An entire team of cronies to monitor worker activity. If surveillance isn't enough, you have an entire team whose task is to watch over the details of what the workers are doing inside the office, outside the office and at home.

-Tasks are under strict guidelines. When employees have to deliver tasks, every detail is accounted for. From the page length to the margins to the logo of the company to page numbers, or if it's a factory every detail when operating the machine is accounted for. When guidelins are not followed, harsh punishments follow.

-Cruel and unusual punishment. Who said only the government can put you in prison? Some companies have prisons for workers who don't follow the rules or who have an attitude problem.

-An honor wall and prison cells in plain sight. If all this hasn't scared workers enough, they make prison cells and honor walls visible to all workers and hint to them that they are next in line if they don't follow the rules.

What can I say? When you get a job, look for the following. If you see the following, run for your life.

-High ceilings in the office.

-More than three people in any given office.

-An unusually quiet office despite being crowded.

-You are greeted by a man or a woman at the entrance wearing a uniform and at the reception desk it says something like: reception desk. Senior Manager Jane Doe.

-Too many windows or lack of windows in the office.

-CCTV cameras everywhere in sight.

-A security team everywhere in sight with access to CCTV cameras.

-People at the office won't let you talk to other office workers unless under supervision before you get the job.

-You don't seem to be able to finish a sentence before, during or after the job interview.

-Everyone seems to be dressed the same way.

-No one seems to smile at the company or enjoy what they're doing.

-Strange company location (like no restaurants or pubs in sight, this is deliberate, as such choices prevent unionizing.)

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