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Mr. La Pee-Air and that Lush Lady
by Leah Sellers
2018-03-01 10:51:14
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“Pearl, get back over here,” Sam said hurriedly. “I paid good money for these CPAC tickets, and there’s still a whole afternoon of seminars for us to attend.”

“Do we have to, Sam ?” Pearl asked pleadingly. “I’d really rather you take me shopping here, before we have to head back home. Haven’t you heard enough of their stand for the Right to Bear Arms ? I know I have.”

“Pearl, the Second Amendment is nothing to take lightly,” Sam answered firmly.

cpa01“I know that, Honey,” Pearl admitted. “The speakers certainly made that point very clear all morning. In fact, as far as they are concerned the Second Amendment is the most important Constitutional Amendment of all, because if all of you Gun Lovers have got your military militia arms at home in your closets or under your beds, and concealed in your boots or the glove compartments of your vehicles, then according to Mr. La Pee-Air, and that Lush Lady, no matter what other Constitutional Amendments you may find yourselves running afoul of you can still shoot and kill anybody you please, and form a military militia on his say so on a Minute Man’s notice in the name of your Constitutional Freedoms, whatever you may deem those freedoms or lack thereof to be.”

“And, from what I could tell, it is Mr. La Pee-Air who is in charge of telling all of y’all what those Constitutional Freedoms that get infringed upon are, because, thanks to Citizen’s United, Mr. La Pee-Air has really been able to pay his way into great power and influence through the politicians he has bought off and owns through the years with his Special Interest Money, and through all of the guns he has made and sold to all of y’all who are addicted to the power you feel they give y’all to kill critters for food and trophies, and other critters and human beings who do or say things you don’t like. And the more guns y’all own, the merrier you are and more powerful you feel. So why not have Guns for every meal. And for La Pee-Air’s man, Trump, that would be a Full Meal Deal.”

“No need for you to be so sarcastic, Pearl,” Sam grumbled.

“Oh yes there is, Sam,” Pearl said curtly. “Seventeen more American Children and the Teachers who tried to protect them are dead. Dead, Sam. Gunned down by a Young Man who got all twisted up inside and went out and bought himself a Combat Weapon. Yes, a Combat Weapon, Sam. That’s what an AK-15 is. It was created to murder as many folks as possible in the least amount of time in a War Time situation.”

“That Twisted Boy, and all of y’all Gun Lovers, have no Right at all to own and carry killing machines like that around.”

“And I do not think that teachers should be carrying guns around in their classrooms either. They are there to teach and develop a different kind of relationship with their Students than a Policeman or a Military man or woman is.”

“Just imagine all the things that could go wrong. What if a student got their hands on the Teacher’s gun for one reason or another. Think of all of the ramifications for everyone involved.”

“What if a Teacher actually shot a Student ? What if a Teacher had a bad day and went on an unexpected rampage ? What if a Teacher’s gun accidentally went off in a classroom or they shot the wrong student ? So many things could go wrong !”

“And Mr. La Pee-air, and the folks like that Lush Lady, got the Law changed that would allow anyone to legally sue any Arms Corporation for anything involving their products. So, the deck is really stacked against the Civilian population. Because all of us Non-Gun Lovers have to put up with all of the baloney and guff from all of y’all, any time we want something done about all of the mass murders taking place throughout our great nation, because of all of these Combat Weapons on the loose here, there and everywhere else !”

“And Sam, I am not a Conservative. I’m a Middle-of-the-Roader. I’m Conservative about some things, and what y’all call Liberal on other things. And let’s get another thing straight. What y’all call Liberal I call Christ-like.

“Christ was all for Social Justice. He was all for everyone treating everyone else as their Brothers and Sisters. He was the great Healer, and Life Giver. And, Sam, if you ask me, Christ would be appalled with all of these murders due to these Combat Weapons. Heck, he’d be upset about all of the killing that takes place on this whole planet every ding-dong day over this Idea or that piece of Territory or Treasure or Seat of Power. He would simply be appalled. In fact, if He hadn’t already risen from his Tomb, he’d be rolling around in it right now at this very moment.”

“Pearl, it is my God given, Divine Right to own a Gun. To own as many Guns as I see fit to. And to bear arms against any Tyrant that comes my way.”

“How is it your divine right by God Almighty to own a Gun, Sam ?” Pearl asked hotly. “Did you pop out of your Mama’s womb holding a Gun that God gave to you on your way out ?”

“Of course not, Pearl. And don’t you bring my Mama into this or God either for that matter.”

“Well, of course not, is right, Sam, because I have heard you call your Mama a Tyrant from time to time when she asked you to do this or that chore for her on your way home from work. And I have never heard you mention wanting to bear arms against her !”

“And, you, Sam, and Mr. La Pee-Air, and that Lush Lady, are the one’s who brought God and your Divine Right to own a Gun into this conversation in the first place.”

“Sam, what if one of those dead Children had been our Son, Charlie ? Would you still feel the same about all of this Hogwash your swallowing, and this CPAC, NRA Gun Loving gang of yours ? They are all profiting off of and contributing to the murder of our Children, and other Civilians. Don‘t you see that ?”

“I call B.S., Pearl !” Sam said.

“Who’s B.S. ?” Pearl asked.

“No, I call B.S.” Sam repeated.

“I heard what you said the first time, Sam. Who’s B.S. and why are they so important that you have to call them right in the middle of our conversation ?”

“Oh, forget it.”

“Well, I will. It wasn’t me who wanted to call them to begin with,”

“You are the most exasperating woman sometimes, Pearl.”

“Well, right back at you, Sam.”

“And as far as I’m concerned, all of those Automatic Killing Machines need to be banned everywhere in America. They need to hold Collection Parties and pay everyone for the Combat Killing Machines that they own to be turned into our Law Enforcement folks. And no one anywhere should be allowed to sell them to Civilians legally without spending a long time in prison.”

“And as for Mr. La Pee-Air…well, he can just go Pee-In-The-Air for all I care!”

“Don’t you mean Piss in the Wind ?”

“You know I don’t normally use words like that, Sam. But, yes, that’s what I mean.”

“Now, will you be taking me shopping or not. Because if not, I’m calling a taxi.”

“Alright, alright, already !” Sam said picking up the keys to his Ford pick-up truck as he headed for the hotel room’s door. “There’s a taxidermist shop I’m wanting to run by while we’re here anyway. I’ve heard they do a better job than Sid’s operation.”

“Sounds like a Compromise to me. Alright, I’m fine with that as long as I do not have to sit through another one of those upsetting rah-rah seminars.”

“You’ve got a deal.”
Pearl gave Sam a kiss on the cheek as she met him by the door, “I just love a man who knows how to Compromise.”

“Compromise ? You’re looking at a man who’s been licked, plain and simple,” Sam chuffed.

“But I love plain and simple, Sam.”

“Ha ! Pearl, there is nothing plain nor simple about you. Nothing at all.”


Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
You can download it for FREE HERE!


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