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Shelter and protection
by Abigail George
2018-01-06 12:18:37
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Shelter and protection
(for Julian, Mikale, Vincent and Ethan)

    I think I’ve changed people’s minds
    and a few hearts along the way but
    of course, mum doesn’t see it that way. All she can see is this.
    That I haven’t lived up to my full
    potential. That I am not as beautiful
    as my sister who always comes up smelling of roses. So, I take the hurt
    and mend it. Call the threads of
ocean1_400it enigmatic and prizegiving. I’ve wanted
    love all my life. Never been greedy
    enough to take it for myself. I’ve
    been lonely. Wandered through this
life careless. Made mistakes. (Have been unhappy.)
    Frightened that I’d live life that way
    forever and end up with revenge in
    my heart. All I’ve ever wanted is love.
    This is breaking my heart. Can you
    see that it is breaking my heart with
    every word that I write this. As the
afternoon sun sets I want to tell people.
    Don’t take the emptiness. Don’t let
futility rule your life. Don’t let loneliness overwhelm
    you at the worst of times. I look at
    my mother’s face and all I can see is
    her tired, sad yet pretty face. I look
at my father. The exposure of time in the lines and wrinkles
    and all I can see is this. Me ending
up like him. Obsessive. Overly sensitive.
    Bipolar and weak. Drinking cold
coffee with a cat on my lap. Left
out in the cold tasting solitude barefoot.
Drifting. Cast out into a pink-salmon
    world where paradise and heaven
can never survive. I think of the sea and
    place. The lightning and thunder
of the sea on a hot day ruled by Alanis Morisette

and the Irish band Ash. You’re
electricity, physics, chemistry. Survival.
Instinct. Biological. Environmental.
Your memory is vapour. A field
with layers of snow. You’re frost.
Veins filled with ice water. I’ve
gone swimming in my imagination again.

    Away from you this time. I feel
endangered like the all the polluted rivers of South Africa.
    Up close what do you see, think,
feel about me. This is when love is not enough.
    When all that life signals is rain.

    Look out or burn! There’s a moth
    storm transfer of energy that is
    wasteland wilderness a-coming
    on a mountain. In place, seams gathering
    of blue light a swarm of place
and tide and current. Dark wavelengths
    of inspired-magazine hair. Coming
home from the sea there’s a window that’s open
    somewhere. A chill in the air. A draft.

I have to close it for the rain. And
as long as writing restores me to
sanity I will keep living towards the light of
doing good. I can’t love you. It is
not in me to love you. Forgive me. Letting it

burn in the end will cost me everything.

Abigail George has two books in the Ovi Bookshelves,
"All about my mother" & "Brother Wolf and Sister Wren"
Download them, NOW for FREE HERE!



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