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Eureka: Dealing with problem people
by Jay Gutman
2017-12-21 11:11:11
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We all have our problems. The bottom line is if you try to deal with people's problems you could end up being part of their problem. Let me outline more clearly who problem people are, the different situations where you might encouter them and how to deal with them.

I once dated a person with too many problems. Needless to say I ended up being part of her problems. I gradually became a larger part of her problems. So here is, in question and answer form, how to deal with problem people.

orobpe01_400Question: what is a problem person?

There are basically three categories of problem people. People who cause too many problems, people who have too many problems and people who see problems everywhere. We all have our problems, some have more problems than others. But there are people who are aggressive in nature and who cause discomfort to the people around them. In a company, such people cause discomfort to the clients, their colleagues and their hierarchy. In a family, such people cause discomfort to their parents, siblings and spouse. Then there are people who have too many problems. Everything they touch seems to break. Then there are people who see problems everywhere. You feed them five star food and they see problems. You treat them like royalty and they still see problems.

Question: how do you deal with problem people?

For people who cause discomfort to people around them, you need to find a way to get rid of them. Because otherwise your clients will leave, your best employees will leave and even people in the hierarchy will leave. For people who have too many problems, you need to find ways to help them solve them. Astrology is dumb, but it classifies life's problems in a smart way. People tend to have problems with general life, career, money, love and health. You need to coach them and help them find their path in those five areas. For people who see problems everywhere, you need to get them to see the bright side before you become part of their problems.

Question: do I have to deal with problem people?

There are three categories of people you will meet in life. They what I call your “dependents” your “frequents” and your “occasionals.” Your dependents are people you see every day and who depend on you for certain actions. Your frequents are people you see frequently but don't necessarily depend on you for certain actions. Your occasionals are people you only meet once, or every once in a while.

If your dependents are problem people you need to find ways to help them fly with their own wings. You need to find them a steady source of income that they will trade for their labor. Problem people tend to perform better in jobs that involve little or no interaction with other people. Deliver pizzas, work in a garden, work at a library, on a golf course, at the cash register etc. Then you need to help them find a place. Problem solved. For your “frequents” you need to see if they are part of the group's problem or if you are part of the group's problem. If you are part of the group's problem, you need to be able to part ways. They have values that you don't share. Maybe you're the honest guy and they're the ones beinig dishonest. If one “frequent” is the group's problem, you need to convince the group that he or she has to go. For the occasionals, just apologize for being part of their problem, even if you don't mean it. That's because some problem people take things to court when they are dissatisfied.

Question: What are the different categories of problems people tend to have?

There are five broad categories of problems they tend to have: problems with people, problems with their sentimental life, problems with health, problems with money and problems with their careers.

Question: how do you help them solve these problems?

Problems tend to be interrelated and interdependent. They start off with problems with money which lead to career problems whick lead to problems in their sentimental life and with people, or any other combination. You need to be honest with them and respect them. That's the first step to solving their problem. You be honest with them, you can even be blunt with them, but you need to make it clear that you see a lot of qualities in them, otherwise you wouldn't be trying to help them solve their problem. You also need to make it clear that you will walk with them through this and that you will lead them out of the tunnel. The second step is to get them to be honest with you and to respect you. If the problem person is not being honest with you or is not respecting you, you can't walk with them out of the tunnel.

Final question: how do I identify problem people?

For example, we all have a problem with some politicians. But that tends not to be the center of our conversations. We all have problems with taxes or with the system, but that tends not to dominate our conversation. When conversing with people, if normal stories are part of the conversation, by normal I mean food, leisure, fashion, work, health, money that probably means the person is not a problem person. If the dominant conversation topics are corruption, genocide, sex scandals,world war 3, broken chairs and broken tables, you're probably dealing with a problem person and you will soon be part of their problems.

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