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Mama, What's a Dingle-Berry?
by Leah Sellers
2017-12-10 07:03:44
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“Cheyenne, where are you Young Lady ?”  Cheyenne’s Mama called out in her Musical Voice.
In fact, Cheyenne’s Mama’s having a Musical Voice helped Cheyenne measure her Mama’s true annoyance or seriousness over whatever situation generated her Mama’s calling out her name.
When Cheyenne’s Mama’s Musical Voice was in her lovely soprano register, Cheyenne knew Mama was in a Good Mood, and that she, Cheyenne, could bide her time a bit before responding to her Mama’s Call.
However, when her Mama’s Musical Voice was in a flat-toned and heavily pronounced alto register, Cheyenne immediately ran, with all of her might, to discover what she had done to displease her Mama so.
Mama’s Musical Voice was in its dreaded alto range.
Thusly, Cheyenne scurried and scampered downstairs as quickly as her agile feet would carry her, asking brightly, “Yes Mama, what can I do for you ?”
“Cheyenne, you need to take out the trash.  This is your week to do it.  And I need to speak with you about your calling your Baby Sister, Marie, a Dingle-Berry,”  Cheyenne’s Mama said seriously.
“Yes Ma’am,”  Cheyenne said as she gathered the trash from its indoor receptacle, and drug it out to the large outside garbage can.  She quietly re-entered the house, and tried to sneak back upstairs, while her Mama was preoccupied with cooking supper in the kitchen.
“Hold on, just one minute, Young Lady,”  Cheyenne’s Mama said as she suddenly appeared, wiping her nail polished fingers and busy hands on a pretty flowered kitchen towel.  “What happened to cause you to call your Baby Sister a Dingle-Berry ?”
“Mama, how could such a funny sounding word like Dingle-Berry be a Bad Word ?”
“You mean, you don’t know what a Dingle-Berry is ?”
“No Ma’am.”
“Cheyenne, what have I told you about using Words you do not know the meaning of ?”
“That I’m not supposed to do it,”  Cheyenne answered hesitantly.  “That I’m supposed to ask you or Daddy about the Word first, so that we can discuss the Word or look the Word up in the Dictionary.”
“That’s right…”
“But Mama,”  Cheyenne interrupted.  “Dingle-Berry is such a funny sounding Word.  How could it be such a very Bad Word ?”
“What is a Dingle-Berry, Mama ?”  Cheyenne forthrightly asked.
“Well, when it’s used as a Cuss word,  it’s considered to be a piece of poop - of fecal matter, stuck to the oriface of an Animal’s bottom,”  Cheyenne’s Mama answered firmly.
“Oh yuck !”  Cheyenne said as she wrinkled up her nose.  “But it’s such a cute word, Mama.  I like saying it.  Dingle-Berry !  Dingle-Berry !  It reminds me of Christmas.  It makes me smile and want to dance around repeating it !  See !”
“Dingle-Berry !  Dingle-Berry !  Tra-lah-lah-lah-lah-lah !”  Cheyenne Sang out loud and clear to the old tune of ‘Jingle Bells’ as she twirled and Danced across the kitchen floor.
Cheyenne’s Mama stifled a smile saying, “Alright, Young Lady, that’s quite enough.  Come sit down with me at the Kitchen Table.”
Cheyenne reluctantly joined her Mama at the Kitchen Table because she knew that her Mama always asked her to do so, when she was ready to have a Serious Conversation with her precocious seven year old.
“Yes Ma’am ?  I’ve got my Listening Ears on, Mama.”
“Good.  Now, where did you hear this Word ?”
“At School.  Jimmy Browder got mad at Travis Thibideaux and called him a Stinking Dingle-Berry.”
“Then you knew that it was probably a Bad Word, didn’t you ?”
“Yes Ma’am, but how could a Bad Word that’s fun to say and hear be such a Bad Word ?”  Cheyenne asked defensively.
“Honey, lots of things in Life look good, sound good, and look like a lot of fun, but that does not always make them so.  Sometimes, it’s all just a bunch of smoke-and mirrors to draw you in and trap you into Bad Behaviors and Consequences you’d really rather wish you hadn’t gotten drawn into in the first place,”  Cheyenne’s Mama said thoughtfully.
“And, Cheyenne, I don’t care how much fun it is to say or hear or Sing and Dance to.  You will not call anyone that Word as long as you live under my roof.  Do you understand me ?”  Cheyenne’s mama said more sternly.
“Yes Ma’am.”
“Mama, why are Dingle-Berries so Bad ?”
“Well, Baby, because they get hung up at the Animal’s rear oriface, and the Animal becomes annoyed and agitated with it.  The ball of poop becomes a draw for flies that the Animal’s tail has to slap and swat at, if it has a tail.  And if the Animal can’t get the Dingle-Berry off by swatting its tail at them or rubbing them off on the ground or against a tree or other things it might use to get rid of it in the forests or jungles, then the Dingle-Berries can cause Infections, Dis-eases and invite parasites into their Animal Host,”  Cheyenne’s Mama explained as succinctly as she could.
“Oh yuck, Mama !  There is nothing funny or cute about that !”  Cheyenne exclaimed.  “Why don’t the Animals just take a Bath to get the Dingle-Berry off ?”
“Well, they probably do that as well, Cheyenne.  They could accomplish getting rid of their Dingle-Berries at any nearby stream or lake or river in the woods or jungle they live in.”
“Is that one of the reasons we bathe our dogs in the old metal tub every now and then, Mama, to help them get rid of their Dingle-Berries ?”  Cheyenne was enjoying getting by with using the Word Dingle-Berry as often as she could during their Serious Conversation, because she knew that there would be a grounding waiting for her if she used it wrongly after the Serious Conversation was over.  It was also somehow satisfying to hear her Mama use such a funny sounding Bad Word.
“Well, I never thought of it quite that way before, but yes.  That’s one of the reasons,”  Cheyenne’s Mama admitted.
“Plus,”  Cheyenne jumped in.  “You don’t like it when our Dogs start to stink,”  Cheyenne giggled.  “I know you’re gonna’ have Marie and I wash the Dogs when I see you wrinkle your nose, and tell our old Australian Shepherd, Rebel, that he stinks.  Ha !  Ha !”
Cheyenne and her Mama laughed together.
Now, Cheyenne, why did you call your Baby Sister, Marie, a
Dingle-Berry ?”
“Mama, she gave my old Ferbie Doll, that I named, Ralph, a bubble bath.  And now, when I push his button he won’t talk and light up anymore.  Instead all Ralph does is make weird sounds like he’s moaning and groaning about something.”
“So, when I fussed at Marie about it, I called her a Dingle-Berry,”  Cheyenne recounted with frustration.  “Mama, can you or Daddy fix my old Ferbie, Ralph ?”
“I’ll get your Daddy to take a look at Ralph, but don’t get your hopes up.”
“Yes Ma’am,”  Cheyenne said disappointedly.
“Mama, please, don’t get mad at me for saying this, but, I heard Daddy say that Mr. In-Like-Flynn and President Trumpty were Poop-Heads.  Only Daddy didn’t say Poop.  He used that other Word that you won’t let any of Us Girls say that starts with the letter S.  And Daddy doesn’t get in trouble when he says Bad Words like that.  And, Mama, that’s just not Fair.  That’s just not Right.”
“I agree, Cheyenne, that it is not Fair or Right, but your Daddy is an Adult.  An Adult who slips up every now then when he gets really angry or upset about something.  An Adult who has gotten much better about not using such Words in this House, because I have asked him not to do so around me or you Girls,”  Cheyenne’s Mama said earnestly.
“Oh, I think I understand, Mama,”  Cheyenne replied.  “Jesus doesn’t want all of to cuss, and neither do you.”
“Cheyenne, I want you Girls to use your Brains and to be Respectful.  I want you to process your Thoughts, Emotions and Situations Properly and Respectfully. And to find Proper and Respectful Words to express yourselves with.”
“Yes. Ma’am.
“Mama, are Mr. In-Like-Flynn and President Trumpty more like Dingle-Berries than they are Poop-Heads ?”
“What?”  Cheyenne’s Mama asked surprised.  Her young daughter had quite a knack for some rather disassociating bouts of free association.
“Well, I heard Daddy say that both of them, and some of their other Gang members are dangerous Traitors to America, and the whole wide World.  That selfish, greedy, uppity folks like them are going to be the corrupting Ruination of America’s and everyone else’s healthy Democracies.”
“Mama, that worried me, because if America is sick and the Leaders Daddy fussed about are the cause of it, how can America’s Democracy and all of the other Democracies be Healed and Saved ?”
“I can understand your concerns, Cheyenne.  And your Daddy did get very upset after he read the newspaper yesterday morning.  He knows that by giving this huge, permanent travesty of a Tax Cut to the Rich and the Corporations, and the temporary small gains and larger financial and Healthcare losses to the Middle Class and the Working Poor, that later on, when the country’s deficit gets America into even greater debt by another two trillion dollars, that our Betraying Leaders, claiming a Republican Victory, that is really a loss at the Middle Class’ and Working Class’ expense, will start cutting our Social Safety Net Programs out from under our feet.  The very Social Protective Programs that help all of us stay afloat in an Economy already over-priced and out-sourced for most Americans.  That the Middle Class and the Working Poor will get shafted twice.”
“Mama, that does not sound good.  Those Words do not make me want to Sing or Dance.  And it seems to me that our Betraying Republican Leaders are all more like Dingle-Berries hanging onto the Oriface of America, drawing all kinds of nasty and hurtful flies, dis-eases and parasites to ThemSelves and to America’s Oriface, than anybody else.”
“What is wrong with them ?  Don’t they love America the Beautiful ?”
“And President Trumpty has long hair.  Hair long enough to swat the flies and dis-eases and parasites away, but he won’t.  He’s inviting them in to
Stay, and stink up all of America !”
“Maybe President Trumpty takes a bath.  But according to Daddy all of America and the World need a bath to get rid of all of the Dingle-Berries corrupting everything and everybody into Ruination !”
“Mama, maybe what we need is a Baptism and a Resurrection, just like Baby Jesus did when he became Adult Jesus.”
“Anyways, Climate Change is melting all of the North and South Pole.  And where will Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus, and all of the Reindeer and the Elves go to live ?  Where Mama ?”
“They will all be Refugees, and a lot of folks hate Refugees !”
“And when the climate changing North and South Poles all melt away we will all be Baptized in the Ocean Waters, anyway !  And we will have to Resurrect Noah‘s Ark,”  Cheyenne declared.
“We will all be Refugees and floating Immigrants !  So, maybe the Haters can stop hating the Refugees and floating Immigrants because they will be Refugees and floating Immigrants, too !”
And all of the World’s Dingle-Berries will be washed away, just like in the past with Noah and the Flood !  And we can help save all of the Animals and Refugees and floating Immigrants, too, Mama, because all of us will be just that !  And we’ll all start over again, while Mother Earth heals herself from all of the wrongs done to her !  Hopefully Dingle-Berry and Poop-Head free !  Wouldn’t that be wonderful, Mama ?!”
Cheyenne’s Mama stared in amazement at her Irrepressible Child.  “Well, there’s a certain Just Logic to all of that, Cheyenne, but let’s get our heads out of the clouds, and our feet back to Earth.  You have an apology to give to your Baby Sister.”
“Yes Ma’am.  And she has an Apology to give to me for drowning my Ferbie, Ralph, in a bubble bath and turning him into a moaner and a groaner.”
“I agree,”  Cheyenne’s Mama said trying to suppress another grin.  “Now, you run on upstairs and work everything out with your Baby Sister, and let her know that you Love her.”
“Yes Ma’am.  Mama, do I have to Forgive her and tell her that I Love her because that’s what Baby Jesus and Adult Jesus want me to ?”
“Well, yes, Baby.  Jesus would probably want you to do just that.  But you should also do it, because Marie is your Baby Sister, and your Relationship with her will far outlast your relationship with your Ferbie, Ralph.  And is far more important than any spat or misunderstandings you, and Marie, may have in the Future.”
“You and Marie, will always be Sisters, and y’all’s being able to Forgive one another for anything, and Love one another through anything, is far more important than any old Toy or anything else, for that matter, Cheyenne.”
Yes Ma’am,”  Cheyenne said thoughtfully as she paused at the stairs.  “Mama, I Love you.”
“And, I Love you, Baby.”
Cheyenne smiled broadly and said, “Get ready, Mama, ‘cause you’ll have to Forgive me one more time.”
Cheyenne’s Mama grinned slightly at her Audacious Child, knowing what was about to occur.
“Dingle-Berry !  Dingle-Berry !  Tra-lah-lah-lah-lah-lah !”  Cheyenne Sang and Danced all the way to the top of the stairs as she approached her Baby Sister’s room with Sisterly, and Baby Jesus’ and Adult Jesus’ Forgiveness and Love.
In the meantime, Cheyenne’s Mama opened the oven door checking in on the Family’s Pot Roast humming in her lovely soprano register, “Jingle Bells !  Jingle Bells !  Jingle all the way….”


Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
You can download it for FREE HERE!

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