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Mama, This is an Unusual, but Long Overdue Season of Thanks-Giving
by Leah Sellers
2017-11-30 08:42:21
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Mama, it’s the Season of Thanks-Giving.  Wish you were still here to witness the Sexual Cultural Systems “Come to Jesus” Moment we’re All Nationally and Globally Sharing and Living.
Men are being held to Account for Ancient and Primitive Mis-Uses and Abuses of Women.  Yes, Ma’am !
gibing01_400Mama, Re-Member all of the conversations you and I had about this Blister - this Boil of Humanity topic for years.  Conversations of purging Laughter and Cleansing Tears.  They were the primary Tools you taught Us Girls to use to deal with these ancient and primitive, devastating Dis-eases of Humanity.
Mama, Thank you and Daddy for having such Good Senses of Humor, and teaching all of us Girls to Laugh, Work Hard and Play Hard (whenever possible, in order to keep our Inner Child alive and well).
Humor is a God Send.  Humor can help stave off Heart Rend.
Mama, Re-Member how all of Us Girls and the Women on the Patriarchal side of our Family Tree used to make Jokes about Grandpa always trying to feel us off when we were giving him a Hug of Greeting, when he was in his eighties ?  All the while, Patriarchal Grandpa would scoldingly proselytize you and Us Girls to leave the Protest-ant Church you had raised Us in for the Protest-ant Church he wanted you to raise Us in, because we would not go to Heaven if we did not belong to his particular brand of Protest-ant religion ?
He would Pray for our Souls, and when we left his home to return to our own, all of Us would Pray for his Spiritual and Intellectual Enlightenment, and the relenting of his relentless pursuit of his Will upon our lives and proposed AfterLives.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !  Grandpa taught us all about the slippery hand of Irony.
Re-Member how we all Joked and Laughed the embarrassment, humiliation, and irritation at our Sexually and Spiritually harassing Loved One away ?  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
Yes, Mama, the Laughter helped all of us slip Un-Comfortably into a Numb Denial.  I learned that you can Love someone and not Trust them, but I hid that deep in my Heart, because to me it was more important to Love and try to Understand those we Love.
It was a Denial of Dark Pain and Dis-Comfort that moved throughout our almost hysterical giggles and side-ways glances from time-to-time.
We didn’t dare look directly into one another’s ‘deer in the headlight’ eyes, because that’s where the Real damaging and volatile Truths lie wriggling around.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
And Re-Member when I sneaked out of bed, and crawled and hid under the couch to watch Late T.V. with you and Daddy when I was seven ?  And I overheard your Conversation of Pain, Drain and Strain about his latest ’love affair’ with a younger woman ?  You never would have known about my secret Late T.V. dates with you and Daddy almost every Friday night under the couch if I hadn’t asked you about Daddy being a Cheater, and how that didn’t make sense to me, because Daddy was a Deacon in Our Church.
How could Daddy Betray you that way ?  The Family that way ?  The Church that way ?  God that way ?  Even in my Child’s Mind I knew it wasn’t okay.  And when I confronted Daddy about it, he whipped me with his belt until my legs bled, and told me stay in my room and think about how I was to Respect my Elders.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
And Mama, Re-member when one of Daddy’s Floozies called the house, and told you to divorce Daddy so that she could have him.  And I overheard your side of the Conversation, because I sensed that something was wrong, and had sneaked up to the half-closed room-door to listen.
You were so quiet.  So quiet and polite.  When you hung up crying, I rushed into the room and threw my arms around you crying, “Mama, it’s alright.  I Love you.  All of us Girls Love you, and we’ll All take care of you.  We’ll protect you from  Daddy and his Floozies.
Mama, what’s a Floozy ?  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
Mama, some of Us Girls Re-Member that Daddy always refused to let you go back to College or Go to Work, because that was not a Woman’s Place, and you had been taught to Obey the Head of the House.  The Man of the House.
And Mama, some of Us Girls Re-Member all of the Art Work and Secretarial Work you did for Daddy’s Business throughout the years for free.  He never even offered to pay you for your Talents and Gifts.  And Daddy Loved Money.  He thought that Money was the only thing that Validated people.  And Mama, he always Chose to never Validate you in the Way that he thought was so very important.
Mama, I’m glad that you taught Us Girls that there are many more Important things in Life than Money.  You were such a wonderful Teacher, Mama.  Please, ForGive all of Us Girls for Giving you wormy, worry apples from time-to-time.
And Mama, Re-Member when I was twelve and Daddy told me that I was going to be his Receptionist over the summer for free.  I was so excited.  I felt like such a Big Girl.
But Daddy was sleeping with his top salesman’s wife, and the top salesman had decided that he would humiliate Daddy by using me to get to him.
One day, when Daddy was out of the office (which he usually was anyway) the jackal smiling, chops licking top salesman pretended to need some contractual papers that he had accidentally left on his kitchen table at his house in the subdivision Daddy had built.
The top salesman asked me to drive over with him so that I could run inside to retrieve them for him.  Ever the Pleaser, and wanting to do something different, I quickly agreed.
Yep, the top salesman wanted me to find his wife and Daddy making Whoopee together, and I did.  The top salesman’s wife had become one of Daddy’s Floozies.
I had never seen or heard anything like Whoppee before.  All I Re-Member is going numb.  Finding the papers on the top salesman and his Cheating, Floozy wife’s kitchen table, and quietly closing the front door behind me.  I did not want my Cheating Daddy and the top salesman’s Cheating, Floozy wife to know that I was there to Witness their rutting Betrayals.
I got back into the top salesman’s car, and handed him the papers he had said that he needed.  And I acted as though nothing terrible had just happened.  I didn’t say a word to him about what I had seen, and he tried to find many different ways to trick anything he could out of me.  But the much practiced, and too well learned Act of Denial had taught me to hide my feelings well.  I was not going to give that mean-spirited top salesman the pleasure of knowing about what I had seen.  Nor would I speak to Daddy about it.  And I was definitely not going to tell Mama about it.
No, I refused to give Daddy’s top salesman the satisfaction of his Act of mean-spirited Revenge.  He had already done enough at my expense.  Another Life Lesson at my expense.  I learned that you can like someone and never Trust them again.  I was polite to Daddy’s top salesman, but I never laughed at anymore of his Jokes or went our of my way to give him the time of day.
And Mama, Re-Member how Daddy used to sometimes introduce all of Us Girls as his Harem ?  He did that until I looked-up the word ’Harem’ in the dictionary, and asked him why he used that word to describe his wife and daughters.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
And Mama, Re-Member how you kept trying to leave Daddy, but your Family kept telling you to go back to Daddy, because nobody would take care of us the way he would.  And that because all of Us Girls were pretty that no matter who you might remarry (because you were a beautiful, intelligent and talented woman, and men would want you) that you could never trust them not to lay a finger on Us Girls, because ‘that’s just the way some Men are”.  Re-Member ?
And Mama, Re-Member when I went to work for Daddy doing Secretarial Work over the summers when I was in high school for fifty cents an hour ?
Mama, why did Daddy always expect everything for free or underpay us, when we worked for him ?  Oh well, too bad he and you are not a part of the Evolving Conversations concerning Men and Women taking place right now.
Mama, Re-Member when Daddy had that really nice mahogany bar built in his office so that he could serve drinks any time of day to the Canadians, Mexicans, Europeans and Asians he did business with ?
Re-Member how I used to delight in being Creative with the making of all of their drinks ?  I would add an extra dash of this and that, and enhance the flavor of every drink with my own Creative Sense of Play.
Sometimes, when Daddy left the main room for some private phone call or another, some of those very well dressed and mannered gentlemen would grab my derry-aire on the sly or be a little pushy trying to kiss me on the cheek as they got a little tipsy during their so-called Business Meetings.
How they would always try and flatter me, and tell me that I made the best drinks they had ever tasted (as though that was all I was good for).  And ask what my Secret was.
I would answer, “I Understand basic Alchemy.
My answer always threw them off a bit, and then we’d all Laugh. Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
Mama, Re-Member when years later, I finally told you about the day Daddy and I were leaving the office, and headed for home, when Daddy got forced off of the road by a large blue pick-up truck.  It was really scary.
Then this young guy with a baseball cap rushed out of his truck and started trying to beat Daddy up.  Daddy pinned him up against our car, and asked what was wrong with the young guy in the baseball cap.  And the young guy in the baseball cap yelled that he was going to beat the poop (of course, he used a different word) out of Daddy for feeling off his fourteen year old girlfriend.
Daddy and the young man with the baseball cap yelled at one another some more, and then Daddy took a roll of one hundred dollar bills out of his pocket, and stuffed it into the young guy with the baseball cap’s hand to shut him up and send him on his way.
Heck, Daddy was barely paying me minimum wage to do an Honest Day’s Work for him.  And yet he threw hundreds of dollars at that rightfully angry and protective young guy with the baseball cap in order to shut him up.
I wondered if the young guy with the baseball cap would share any of that Shut-Up Money with his Sexually Harassed, Mis-Used and Abused fourteen old girlfriend.
I wondered why Daddy spent all of his time trying to convince me that I had not seen or heard or experienced what I had seen, heard and unfortunately experienced on the rest of our drive home.
He wanted my Complicity in his Mis-Deeds.  Silence and Denial were behaviors all of Us Girls and Mama understood and knew all too well, and Daddy knew this, at whatever levels he allowed himself to know it.
And he was right.  I would remain Silent, in Denial and Complicit at some level, because I was not going to tell you, Mama, about what I had seen, heard and unfortunately experienced, because Daddy had already hurt you far too much.
I was not going to add another devastating arrow to your tender Heart to his quiver, with my name on it as the Messenger.  Nope.  The Ugly Secret and Lie of Omission was mine to bear.
Daddy taught me that Inflictions of any and all kinds Create Conflictions of any and all kinds.  And that Conflictions in turn perpetuated further Inflictions, which perpetuated further Conflictions, and so on, and so on.  That this Cycle of Inflictions creating Conflictions, and Conflictions creating more Inflictions are one of Humanity’s primary Dis-Ease Patterns.
Daddy taught me that you can Love someone and not Like them.
Daddy taught me to Question everything, including so-called Authority and Figureheads of Authority.
Daddy taught me that Daddy’s can say that they Love you in the morning and turn around and Betray you and your Family that very same evening. And expect and punish or try to bribe the whole Family Unit into Conflicting Secretive Complicities creating complicated Familial Inflictions (Woundings) that create further complicated and complicating Familial Conflictions at many levels, and that take on various Inflicting and Conflicting shapes and forms in everybody’s Individual and Familial Life.
Whew !
My Studies and Life taught me that Wars between Factions, Tribes and Nations depend upon these very same Behaviorally taught, manipulated and perpetuated Confliction and Infliction Dis-eased and Dis-easing Patternings.
Daddy, and Life, also taught me that at Home and at Work Women are most often Objectified Objects of underpaid and under-valued Mis-use and Abuse in many and most situations.
Daddy, and Life taught me that Sexual Harassment, Mis-Use and Abuse were things that Men and Women alike were Individually and Culturally all Complicit within due to Secrecy out of Fear, Pain, Drain and Strain or further Gain for their very own Lives and Livelihoods.
And Mama, Re-Member when you, and all of Us Girls were Singing together professionally, and our first record went to Number two in the Independent country charts, and to the eighties in the Major Country Western charts with no real money or push behind it ?  Re-Member ?
But we didn’t get to our second Song recorded or promoted because I refused to suck on our producer’s male member when he got me alone in the studio one day as he unexpectedly and shockingly pulled it out and stroked it, and told me about all of the natural herbs he ingested every day, fed to him by his German girlfriend of fifteen years, whom I had met, that made his Milkshake taste wonderful and exotic.
No, our original second Song never got done, and we didn’t go any further because when I said No, our producer backed out, and all of us lost Heart and returned Home.
All of Us had just wanted to Sing and make folks Happy.  None of Us wanted to have to stroke male members and suck up their exotic Milkshakes in order to Live our Dreams.  That’s when Dreams become imprisoning Nightmares.  So, we all went back Home and took up different Vocations or Jobs, and Sang and Created Music just for Fun, not as a Career.
Now, every time we hear the word Milkshake, we Laugh.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
And when we’re all together drinking homemade lemonade with straws we suck air through the straws and make wild Turkey gobble sounds in Memory of un-sucked exotic, herbal Milkshakes.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !
Tribal Rituals of Secretive Pain, Drain and Strain soothed, and ragged edges smoothed by Medicinal Laughter.
Oh, the multitude of just such Women’s Stories all of Us Girls have to tell.  Ha !  Ha !  Ha !  Sniffle !  Sniffle !  Sniffle !
Yes, Mama, Us Girls wish that you were here to Witness all of the Conversations, hard and complexly difficult as they may and can be, about the degradations and gradations of Sexual Harassment, Abuse and Mis-use of Women that has always kept Women in their Objectified Place beneath or below Men Culturally, and in all other Walks-and-Talks-of-Life.  How Men and Women alike aid and participate in this insidious and devastating Dis-ease of Humanity and its perpetuation.  In keeping it alive and thriving.
Mama, you would be so Thankful for this next turn toward Positive Evolution within the relationships of Men and Women Individually and Culturally.
Mama, you taught Us Girls that we can all do The Hard with Grace, Dignity, Respectful Listening, Understanding, Compassion and Creativity.  And in Us Girls Book, your Lessons have far more Positive Value, Duration and Impact.
Mama, it will be such a different World when All of Humanity decides to move past and deal differently with these Ancient and Primitive Patternings of Inflictions and Conflictions.
Mama, some of these Conversations taking place around the Nation and the Globe will bring some of us to Laughter and some of us to Tears.  In fact, we may even Laugh until we Cry or Cry until we Laugh.  But like all strivings toward valuable Self and Other Growth, toward a Better, more Just and Harmoniously Balanced World, It’s worth the effort.  Even if that effort is expended, but not rewarded or awarded in the Hear and Now, but comes to fruition for and within the Generations of the Future.
Mama, wish you were here for this unusual, but long overdue Season of Thanks-giving !


Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
You can download it for FREE HERE!

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