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When a Bogey is a Birdie and a Birdie is an Eagle....
by Leah Sellers
2017-10-28 10:18:15
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“Four !”
“Awww, Nuts !  I missed again !”  Trumpty exclaimed, red-faced and cold blue eyes blazing.
“Another Bogey….er, I mean Birdie, sir,”  Trumpty’s Chosen Caddy for the Day said deprecatingly.  “You’ll do better at the next hole.  I’m certain of it.”
“It was not a Bogey or a Birdie, you idiot.  It was an Eagle.  I’m the President.  I don’t shoot Bogeys.  I don’t shoot Birdies.  I shoot Eagles or Holes in One, because that’s what Winners do, you Loser,”  Trumpty said harshly.
lea01_400_04“Besides, you threw my Game off when you shouted, “Four”,  Trumpty continued to be Grumpty.
“It reminded me of those Four Soldiers killed over in Niger, and this debacle with my phone call to La David’s wife,”  Trumpty said even more Grumptily.
“I have been bitten by a Gold Star Black Widow !”  Trumpty harumphtied.
“I should have taken everyone’s advice and never made that call !”  Trumpty whined loudly.  “I was respectful !  So what, if I stumbled over his name !  I stumble over everyone’s name, but my own ! And I stated a known fact, that La David chose to do what he did !  What’s wrong with that ?!  How dare her, and all of her witnesses, including that nosey, hat-wearing Senator from Florida, Wacky Wilson, who overheard what I said over the speaker phone, call me out for it !  Criticize me for it ?!  I am the King !  Er…I mean President of the Divided States….  Er…..I mean United States of America !
Heil Trumpty !  And let’s hear a few Bannonite clicking goose-stepping boots on that one !”
“What I say, and what I say happened is Reality !  My Reality !  Your Reality !  Everything else is Fake News !  A Lie !  My Lies are the only Reality !  I am the Great I Am !  I and no one else !  Got it ?!”  Trumpty demanded as he glared at his Chosen Caddy for the Day.
“Yes, Sire.  Implicitly and explicitly, Sire….er, I mean sir,”  The Chosen Caddy for the Day squeaked.
“What’s your name anyway ?  Why are you my Chosen Caddy for the Day, today ?  Refresh my keen memory would you ?”  Trumpty asked less harshly.
“I’m Senator Twaddle, sir,”  the Chosen Caddy for the Day answered tremulously.  “It appears that a letter I sent you upset you, sir.  Thusly, I was ordered to be your less than esteemed Chosen Caddy for the Day.”
“There are so many Republicans who offend me these days,”  Trumpty admitted acidly.  “Remind me of the contents of your letter, and make it quick, because my attention span, unless the conversation rotates around me, is rather short.  Almost as short as my temper.”
“Yes sir,”  Senator Twaddle rasped.  “I’m from a state that is a major producer of Milk, sir.  So, I used Milk as a metaphor for what I was trying to convey to you in my letter.”
“I wrote that the Sweet and Potent Mother’s Milk of all Democracies is a Core of High Ideals supported by a Value System which instills Trust, Faith, Duty, Honor, Pride, Equality and Equal Opportunities, Tolerance, Mutual Respect and Dignity, Unity and Ownership in the overall Society and Culture as a Whole.”
“I wrote that the Sour and Impotent Mother’s Milk of Tribalism and Division feeds subjugating, oppressive, suppressive and repressive Totalitarianism, Authoritarianism, Kleptocracies, Plutocracies, Oligarchies and Dictatorships based upon the Core Values of Fear and Hatred, Sublimation, Bigotries, Misogyny, stark Caste Systems making one person think and feel as though they are better than someone else as a matter of right, genetic coding, money, etc…., Lying Propaganda creating a confusing and chaotically destructive Reality of Lies for everyone to have to try and navigate their lives through, Game Playing, UnJust, UnFair and UnEven Laws skewed toward Chosen Class members and ultimately damaging, subjugating and disillusioning everyone involved even more….”
“I don’t mean to interrupt…well, actually, I do, but can you get to the point,”  Trumpty yawned.
“I thought that was what I was doing, sir,”  Senator Twaddle said feeling quite befuddled.
“Listen you, Milksop, you,”  Trumpty said fiercely.  “If I wanna’ force Tax Cuts for the Rich and the Corporations to be ultimately paid for by the multitudinous Middle Class and Working Poor, and that will radically increase our National Deficit, I’ll do it !”
“If I wanna’ further bust the American Deficit paying for a Great Trumpian Tall Wall for the Mexicans and other Immigrants to have to jump over and dig under, I’m a Real-estate Developer, and I’ll do it !”  Trumpty shouted waving his golf club erratically in the air hither and dither.
“If I wanna’ fill the Court System and Legislative Branch full of Theocratic Con-servatives, for my Rich Donor, friends, cohorts and cronies, and my rabidly loyal 30 some odd percent Trumpians, to further rabbliize and divide this nation, I will !”  Trumpty roared, thumping his golf club into Senator Twaddle’s chest.
“If I wanna’ fill my Cabinet with Elitist Millionaires and Billionaires who hate and detest the very Cabinet Posts I am giving them, and intend to dismantle, weaken and eventually destroy in the name of Dog-Eat-Dog Malevolent Capitalism, I will !  If we wanna’ fill the American People’s Air, Water, Bodies, Earth and Lives with Corporate money-making Toxins in the name of regressive and destructive Progress and enrichment of The Few on the backs and deaths of The Many, we will !”  Trumpty shouted as he waved his golf club in the air more furiously.
“If I wanna’ make money off of the American People and the Presidency during my reign, and do the Dancing Bear and twizzle down vodka with Putin and his old KGB Mafiosa Gang of Oligarch Buddies, I’ll do it !”  Trumpty said as he threw his golf club into the forest beyond the green.
“Now, go fetch my club, Chosen Caddy of the Day !  And don’t dawdle, Twaddle !”  Trumpty ordered emphatically.
Senator Twaddle, bowed in obeisance, and with Trumpty’s heavy golf bag firmly shouldered tottered and teetered into the woods.
Stumbling out of the woods, with Trumpty’s bent golf club in hand, Senator Twaddle walked back toward Trumpty and his golf cart.
“Trumpty climbed into his golf cart and shouted, “I’ve gotta’ head on up to the Trumpty Club House, Twaddle.  I’ve gotta’ skype Bannon and strategize our next moves against the Moderate Republican establishment fuddy duddies.  Our Strategies and Tactics of divisive Tribalism and constant feuding with everyone and everything not goose-stepping to our mighty tune are really working.”
“Totalitarianism, Authoritarianism, Oligarchies, Mega-Merged-Corporate and Banking Empires, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera and so on, are where it’s
at !  All CEO Executives are trained to know and blow that fact.  We’re getting rid of Democracy !  It’s a headache for Those-who-would-be-King !  It’s overrated !  I’m not interested in protecting it !  I’m not interested in protecting or enriching anyone or anything but Me !  Me !  Me !  And other Rich folks just like Me !  Me !  Me !  May the Trumpian-Bannonite Regime reign Supreme !  Get it Caddy ?!”
“Unfortunately, I do sir,”  sighed Senator Twaddle.
Trumpty gunned his golf cart into forward motion away from his Chosen Caddy of the Day, Senator Twaddle.  “I’m moving on !  Just like I wish that Gold Star Black Widow and her family, and that loud-mouthed Senator Wacky Wilson would.  Those Losers are trying to make me look like a Loser, and Appearances are Everything.  I must keep my Image pristine !”
“I don’t like talking about Africa anyway.  It’s a dark topic.  I’m not comfortable with it.  It affects my golf swing badly.  I’m hitting way to many Bogeys…er, I mean Birdies…er, I mean Eagles…er, I mean Holes in One these days.  Folks will get suspicious.  And we all know that my Image and my Ego can’t take that,”  Trumpty yelled as he slowly put distance between himself and Senator Twaddle.
“Needless to say, sire,”  Senator Twaddle agreed breathlessly continuing to stagger onward with Trumpty’s heavy golf bag and bent golf club.
“And then, of course, you had to go and shout, “Four !”  What was that
about ?!  Deliberate sabotage ?!  Botching me up, just like my Chief of Staff Kelly did ?  Huh ?!  You trying to draw even more attention to my
snaffoos ?!  Huh ?!”  Trump stopped the golf cart and stared at his Chosen Caddy Day struggling to walk-jog back to the Trumpian Country Club behind Trumpty‘s golf cart.
Senator Twaddle stopped, huffing and puffing,”  No sir, not at all, sir.  It’s just a common golf term.  I was trying to bolster your confidence in your Game, sire.”
“Don’t bother, Twaddle.  You’re just a Chosen Caddy of the Day, got it ?!  Who cares what you think ?!  Trumpty trumped.  “You are out of line, Twaddle !  Way out of line !  You are one uppity Female, Lady !”
Trumpty gunned his golf cart once again, and it jerked and lurched into motion.  “It’s another day, Twaddle !  You just waddle back up to the Trumpian Club House all by your lonesome !  I’m gonna’ UnCork the illustrious Senator Corker today !  Today, is another day for me to behead and betray !  I’m headed back to rummage around in DeBasement !”
As Trumpty’s golf cart puttered into a little black dot against the lovely rolling green toward the Trumpian Club House, Senator Twaddle pushed her golf cap determinedly further down on to her sweaty head and hissed, “Of that I have no doubt, sir.  No doubt at all.”


Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
You can download it for FREE HERE!

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