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Horse made of glass - Part 18 - Final
by Katerina Charisi
2017-09-17 09:48:58
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She called the boys to come and eat their lunch, while she took a piece of paper and a pen and sat across them on the table. She looked at her boys and they smiled her back. Her eyes went around the small kitchen. The man-height cabinet and the empty walls, no pictures or drawings; not even a clock. She held the pen tight and wrote.

k1_400_01I’d rather missing you every day than hate you eventually. I tried so hard to hate you. Every time you broke my heart. Every time you betrayed my trust. I had to hate you to free myself from you. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I just can’t hate you. I’m hating myself instead. And I don’t want to hate me anymore. I’m sorry.

She read it once, crumbled it, and put it in her pocket. She went back to the drawer and ripped another sheet.

I never stopped loving you. But I have nothing else to give you. You took it all.

She crumbled that one too and put it in her pocket.

When the boys were done eating, she took their dishes and put them in the sink. She told them to put clean clothes on. She washed their dishes and set her husband’s plate on the table. She took the glass horse in her hands and ripped another sheet of paper. She breathed and closed her eyes and tried to carve everything in her memory. She felt the weight of loss like a violent hot stream filling inside her and her heartbeat quickened.

She never imagined how a life might end. She always thought that life was a series of things that happened in order. She could never have guessed how hard it was to end a life, and try to start another one, all over the beginning.

She would never know if this was another wrong choice she made. She would never know what would have happened next if she stayed. Would it be possible for him to change? Could they find a way to be happy together? After all the years they never made it, why would anything change now?

She wrote.

Our horse broke its legs. How long could it stand up with legs made of glass, anyway?

She put the paper on the table under the little horse and went to the boys’ room.

“Come”, she said.

“Where are we going, mamma?”

She turned back, crumbled the paper, and put it in her pocket. She left the little horse alone on the table, next to his food.

The End


Horse made of glass
Part 1 -Part 2 -Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6Part 7 - Part 8 -Part 9 -Part 10 -Part 11
Part 12 -Part 13 -Part 14 -Part 15 -Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18



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