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Horse made of glass - Part 11
by Katerina Charisi
2017-07-30 10:38:25
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It’s a simple question. You have two children. You can’t cook for them, you can’t take them to shower, you can’t put them to sleep. You can’t take them to school, you can’t play with them, you can’t put them clothes on. You are always just too busy for those things. So I’m asking you the simplest of questions: If I died tomorrow, what would you do?

He knew where all this was going. He should have waited for it. Another drama performance of how he’d brought her up there promising a life he never gave to her, forcing her to live all these years inside a little house in the middle of nowhere with only plain land and trees and mountains around her, all alone, with no friends, not even neighbors, with nothing to do except of taking care of that house and him and now, two children.

hor01_400_02“I brin’ the money, don’t I?”

“You bring the money.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Is that all you have to tell me about this?”

His eyes remained fixed on the wall. He didn’t look at her. He didn’t put his eyes down either. There was a battle taking place inside him, that he couldn’t fully understand. He knew he’d been attacked. He knew he had to defend himself. He didn’t know against who or what he was supposed to do it. He was doing all that he had to do. He never skipped a day. He never said no to work. He never looked at the time or left his job to get home earlier. He didn’t know tiresome. He did what he had to do, damn it!

She said “Look at your kids.”

He stared at the wall behind her.

“Just look at your kids, for god’s sake”.

“They’re asleep in their room.”

“The boy sleeps on the floor. He’s sharing clothes with his little brother. Sleeves over his wrists; pants over his ankles. He…” - she swallowed. She was embarrassed of what she was about to say. “He looks like a clown, damn it. Don’t you even look at him?”

A clown. His son. A clown. It was only a boy. Only a boy that grew up too fast, making holes to his socks and his pants on his knees every day. That was all he was supposed to do. He was just a little boy. What did it matter what kind of clothes he put on? What he was supposed to say not to drive her mad? What was the right answer?

“What do you want already? You wanna go out there instead of me and brin’ them money, is that it? You think you’ll make more than I do? Well, be my guest. I’ll stay home with the kids.”

“That’s what I’m saying. Even if it happened, you won’t take care of them, or the house. I am not going to work and bring money and leave the kids to your mother and work at home too. I’m not your slave.”

“Slave! Slave! Think a little what you’re saying to me. You wanna work, go on and work. You can’t have it all though, you either got the kids or the job. Just make a choice. You can’t make enough money anyway, not 50 as I do.”

“I can make 30, like I used to before I met you.”

“Yeah? Well, when you met me you had only yourself to take care of. You didn’t pay for a car or food for four people or clothes for kids and diapers. There’s a different here, if I’m allowed to say. I ain’t gettin’ how you do the math in your head. If 50 is not enough then how 30 is?”

This is pointless, she thought. This is never getting anywhere.

“Because I’d get 30 every day and bring them all home, that’s how. You make 50 but you never get 50. Supposedly 50, of course isn’t enough.”

“Things are different here and you know it. This is not the big city where you work by the clock and get paid every end of the month. You know that very well. You can’t tell me this. I ain’t spending money anywhere. I do brin’ them all home. When I get them anyways. You want me to get a second job, is that it? Or you want me to get a nine to five job? You want me to work as a dog and run home right away, not having a life at all? Is this all about the beer I’m having after work to get rest a little?”

“Do I have a life?”

“You are home damn it! You sit all day inside and warm, without… without any responsibilities. You are free!”

“I sit all day. Is this-”

“Oh, you know exactly what I mean by what I say.”

“No, I dont! And I’m asking you again to look around you. Look at me, look at your kids. His shoes make his toes hurt and I don’t see a new pair coming anytime soon. When I sent him to school I had to spoil my jacket to sew a schoolbag for him. Where is the money you bring? You make fifty. That’s all you say. You make fifty. Look at you! Look around! This is our life. Remnants and leftovers. This is what you do. You codemned us in a life of leftovers.”

She was crying. She saw his face turning red behind the blur of her tears. She saw the hand rising and closed her eyes and waited for it. But the hand fell and she opened her eyes and he was gone. She heard the door slamming and the windows shook and the floor rumbled and she was alone again.

Her father’s words came in her mind: “You can’t start a family without money. A family costs. This man’s no good for you.”



Horse made of glass
Part 1 -Part 2 -Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6Part 7 - Part 8 -Part 9 -Part 10 -Part 11 -

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