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The Rattlin' Tattlers
by Leah Sellers
2017-02-22 11:56:03
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Rattle !  Rattle ! Whirrrrr !  Rattle !
Ka-boom !  Ka-boom !
“Come on outta’ your Hidey Holes, you Rattlin’ Tattlers !  You do not Rule the Roost here !  I, King Clyde, follower of the Trumpian Way, Rule over this here Chicken Coop  !  And not just this Chicken Coop, but the whole ding-dang-dong Chicken Yard “
Rattle !  Rattle !  Whirrrrr !  Rattle !
Ka-boom !  Ka-boom !
cats01_400“Clyde ?!  Clyde ?!  Put that gol’durned shot gun down for just a minute, will ya’ ?  It’s Sam.  I wanna’ come on into the Chicken Coop to talk without gettin’ my head blown off !”
“Why, sure, Sam !  Come on in, Pardner.  I could sure use some help knabbin’ these ‘ole Rattlin’ Tattlers !  You got your pistol with ya’ ?  Come right on,
in !
Sam slowly and cautiously opened the Chicken Coop’s holey and tattered door to discover his old childhood friend standing in the middle of the Chicken Coop naked as a Jaybird.
“Clyde, where are your clothes ?  What in the heck is goin’ on with you,
Boy ?  Do you understand how crazy all of this looks right now ?  You have got Lillian and the kids scared to death.”
“So, she called you to come on over here to get me in line, did she ?”
“She sure did.  And I’m glad of it.  You should see yourself standin’ in the middle of this Chicken Coop, that I helped you build, I might add, brandishin’ your firearm around completely naked like some Crazy Man !”  Sam exclaimed.  “You gotta’ admit, Clyde, this is not normal behavior.”
“Oh yes it is, Sam.  I am a Follower of the Trumpian Way.  I live for Chaos and to create Chaos.  That’a way, noone really knows what you’re up to.  Not  even these rotten  Intelligence Leakin’, Free-wheelin Press and Media Makers, Whistle Blowin’ Blow Hards, Rattlin’ Tattlers around this Farm.  My Farm !  Worst kind of Snakes there are.  They bring poisonous ruin and damnation in their side-windin’ wake to all of my best laid plans, Sam.  It’s almost more than this Loyal Trumpian can take !”
Sam cleared his throat and swallowed hard.  “Clyde, Trump has been elected by the Electoral College.  He’s the President of the United States of America….”
Clyde interrupted, “Ha ! The United States ?  Maybe not for long, Sam. The Mad Hatter Secessionists are raisin’ their ugly heads once again right here in Texas, and in some other states.  And are tryin’ to muster up a Constitutional Convention, so that the Power and Money Hungry Leaders of this State, and some others, can go all in for a Power Grab and try to make themselves look like a Bunch of True Blue Patriots while they’re doin’ it !  Trump used everybodies griefs and groans to do it.  So why not Power and Money Grubbers and Grabbers like them ?  They‘re no different.”
Sam sighed heavily.  “You don’t say.”
“I do say, Sam, I do say !  And what of it ?”  Clyde spat out defiantly.  “Me, and some other Trumpian Way folks want America to be like it was in the Good ‘Ole Days, when white folks Ruled the Roost and made up all of the Rules to Rule the Roost by !”
Rattle !  Rattle !  Whirrrrr !  Rattle !
Ka-boom !  Ka-boom !
“Gol’durn it, Clyde !  Put that shot gun away or I will !  You’re gonna’ make both of us as deaf as door knobs if you keep that up inside of this ‘ole metal clap trap of a Chicken Coop !”
“Did you hear ‘em, Sam ?  Did you hear ‘em ?”
“Yes, I heard them, Clyde,”  Sam lied, to try to keep things at an even keel with Clyde.
“I knew you’d help me ferret them out and run ‘em to ground, Sam.  I knew it.  We’ll force all of these Rattlin’ Tattlers all out of town.  No more Spyin’ on or Tattlin’ on me or you or anybody else, Pard !  They Work for me or they Work for Noone !”
“You mark my words, Sam.  They gotta’ go, so ‘ole Donald and his Gang can sneak around and get the things that have gotta’ be done to set things to rights.  Build that dad’burned Great Wall !  Push all of the Illegal Immigrants out !  Put certain Groups of Peoples in their Place !  Grow Jobs out of thin air !  And drain the Swamp so as to create another Swamp filled with Swamp Dwellers friendly to the Trumpian Way !”
“Clyde, why are you naked, Pardner ?”
“Well, isn’t obvious ? I’m bein’ Transparent, Sam.  Just like ‘ole Donald.  If you do things transparently it doesn’t matter what you do, everyone will accept it, because you’re bein’ transparent.”
“Uh-huh.  So, you think that Lillian and the kids should accept everything you’re doin’ right now, because you’re doin’ it without any clothes on ?  Because you’re being Transparent ?”
“Sure I am.  That’s the Buzz word these days.  You gotta’ be Transparent while you’re turnin’ the World upside down, if you want everybody around you to buy into what you’re doin’,” Clyde said emphatically.  “Trump does it all of the time.  The whole World is his Upside-Down Cake !  Feed Him Cake !”
“I think that’s supposed to be, “Feed them Cake, Clyde.”
“Not in The Book of Donald, it’s not, Sam.  He always eats the Cake.  The whole Cake, and leaves the crumbs to whoever can grab ‘em first !  That‘s the Trumpian Way, Sam !”  Clyde explained.
“While he’s busy throwin’ out this Distraction or that Distraction he also throws out Hog Slop here and there to get the Rattlin’ Tattlers to run around like Serpents with their Heads cut off.  And it works.  Then he tells all of his Followers that the Rattlin’ Tattlers, you know the Media and everyone else who has anything to say against him, that they are the Enemy of the American People !”
“And folks, like me, listen to that long enough and they begin to believe it,”  Clyde further explained.  “And then they begin to do things about it to protect Trump and the Trumpian Way.  He is as crazy as the Fox who finally works his way into the Hen House, Sam.”
“But it’s all built on Lies, Clyde.  All very dangerous and ruinous Lies.  You do realize that, don’t you, Clyde ?”
“One man’s Trash is another man’s Treasure.  It’s the same with Lyin’, Sam.”
“Clyde you want Lillian and the kids to live in a Home and a Nation built wholly on lies ?  You want to live under Autocratic Rule with a man who says he’s the only One that knows and has the Truth ?  Knowin’ that his Truth is nothin’ but a pack of rotten democracy destroyin’ Lies for his own manipulative sake, and his, not your, or anybody else’s Benefit, to build your futures and this Nation’s future and democracy on ?  Really ?” Sam asked incredulously.
Rattle !  Rattle !  Whirrrrr !  Rattle !
“Give me my shot gun, Sam !  Did you hear that ?”
“I believe I did, but I am not handin’ over your shot gun over to you quite yet, Clyde,”  Sam said firmly.
The chickens had begun to curiously peek their heads around inside their holey and rather drafty Chicken Coop.  Some meandered inside their disrupted and somewhat destroyed Home a bit nervously. Cluuuck ! 
Cluuuck !  Cluuuck !
“Get away from me, Ethel !”  Clyde yelled as he took a swing at the tall Red Hen who spread her wings and whipped dust up all over the battered and shattered room.  “That’s the third time that gol’ durned Chicken has taken a peck at my pecker !  I won’t tolerate it !  Get out of here, Ethel.  You go look for worms elsewhere, before I take my shot gun to ya’ !”
“Clyde, you’re not gonna’ do anything to that bird.  She’s Lillian’s Best Layer.  She loves that Chicken.  Stop talkin’ like a fool.”
“You callin’ me a fool ?”
“You bet I am.  Runnin’ around here Naked and Howlin‘ like some crazed Banshee.  Blowin’ holes into what used to be a perfectly good Chicken Coop.  Scarin’ the daylights out of all of the Chickens and the rest of your live stock.  Not to mention Lillian and the kids,”  Sam said angrily.  “You oughta’ be ashamed of yourself !”
“You’ve got a lot of damage to clear up here, and up at your House, Clyde,”  Sam said poignantly, gazing clear-eyed at his old friend.
“Well, these Rattlin’ Tattlers have been drivin’ me crazy, Sam.  Plumb crazy !  And a man has got to remain Loyal to the things he Believes in.  And I believe in the Trumpian Way !”
“Well, your crazy behaviors, as of late, have been drivin’ everybody around you plumb crazy, Clyde.  Somethin’s gotta’ give, Pardner.  And that somethin’ is you.”
“Clyde, where are your clothes, Pard ?  Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll mosey on up to the House to talk to Lillian and the kids together.”
“I’ve got my clothes over there in one of the hen’s layin’ boxes.  Let me throw ‘em on and then we’ll head on up to the House together.”
As Clyde got dressed, Sam said, “Clyde, Trump may be all of this and all of that.  But everybody around here just wants Good ‘Ole Clyde back.  Good ‘ole stable, dependable, fair-’n-square, hard workin’, give you the shirt off of his back if you need it, Clyde, back.”
“To everybody around here, myself included, that Clyde is all of this and all of that.  That Clyde is the man everyone around here Loves and Admires.  That’s all Clyde.  That’s all there is for everybody around here.  The chickens, and the rest of the livestock included,”  Sam smiled.
Clyde stood in the middle of the Chicken Coop disheveled, but fully dressed.  He stared at his friend with pain-filled eyes.  Shuffling slightly, he said, “Funny, I don’t hear those Rattlin’ Tattlers anymore.”
“Well, let’s just hope that is a permanent state of affairs.  Maybe they were Fake Snakes.  Only time will tell.  But for right now, first things first.  Let’s head on up to the House, and have a long overdue Conversation with your Family.  They’ve been really worried about you, and everything all of you have worked so hard to Build around here, Clyde.”
“Can I have my shot gun back now, Sam ?”
“No, not yet, Pardner.  Let’s concentrate on what’s really important right now.  And that’s Lillian and the kids.  Let’s focus on what’s Real and what’s Most Important, okay, Clyde ?”
Clyde stood his ground for a brief moment.  Shaking his head from side to side he said resignedly, “Maybe you’re right, Sam.  Maybe, you’re right.”
That said, the two old Friends walked implacably toward the House on the Hill.


Check Leah Seller's EBOOK
A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
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