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Halloween jokes Halloween jokes
by Akli Hadid
2016-10-31 07:18:29
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-UNESCO votes Tripoli the new capital of Lebanon.

hal01_400-New book reveals “scandalous” conversations between French president Hollande and his dogs.

-Kim Kardashian can’t figure out what to wear for that Halloween party.

-Christmas carol “let it snow” dropped and replaced by Disney Frozen’s “let it go.”

-Borat announces candidacy to the presidency of the United States.

-Locker room talk includes hemorrhoids, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea and swearing never to have done anything to be likely to catch those. It’s always A FRIEND.

-Wikileaks releases my emails with the title “ten thousand ways to write a failing cover letter.”

-Dear God, please don’t bring pillow talk to the center of ANY political election.

-Shania Twain was nominated for the 2016 Nobel Prize for economics.

-Wedding dresses enter the realm of Halloween costumes and beat zombies for “scariest costume.”

-Sign that you read way more stuff than you should: you want to save that Pilgrim story for Halloween.

-Turkey decides to pardon opposition for Thanksgiving.

-Wishing for a white Christmas is a bit racist. In some parts of the world it doesn’t snow on Christmas.

-Politically correct means you can talk about politics all you want as long as you’re talking about politicians’ sex lives.

-Pornstar gossip takes newsfeeds by storm. Seriously, what more gossip can we get from them?

-New edict allows celebrating Christmas on December 27th to allow better deals on the gifts.

-Halloween is about being politically correct, Thanksgiving not so much. Christmas is the politically incorrect holiday (see joke above).

-My ex-wife sent me a smart phone as a Christmas present. I didn’t like the brand.

-Bob Dylan would pick up that phone call from the Nobel committee but I’m not sure the guy has a phone. I’m not sure he even saw the news.

-A panda eats shoots and leaves. I’m not sure you’ll get the same story on Halloween.

-See all those scary stories in the news. The idea was to get you to lose weight so you could look hot in your Halloween costume.

Happy Halloween!


      
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