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Pepe Alt-Right and The Trumpty, Dumpty, Bumpty!
by Leah Sellers
2016-09-27 09:29:58
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“Pepe Alt-Right, my fine Amphibian friend, hop your little ‘ole fat green bottom on over here and join me in my new Sauna.  It’s the latest thing,”  Mr. Trumpty heartedly requested.
“Ribbit !”  Pepe croaked as he hopped to the edge of the Sauna. “But, Boss, aren’t you a Germo-phobe  ?”
ame01_400“You heard right, but I’ve got a separate little soap dish set up over here just for you.  It’s got its own little hot water system.  I had it made special order just a few minutes ago, my fine Alt-Right croaking friend,”  Mr. Trumpty announced proudly.
Pepe Alt-Right smiled widely as he hopped into his little soap dish. “Ahhh, that warm water sure feels mighty fine, Boss.  And the little sea sponge on the bottom is a nice touch.  Thanks for the Invite.”
“Now, tell me, what have you been up to lately, Pepe,”  Trump requested politely.
“Boss, I’ve been workin’ on that new Trumpian Dance you asked me to put together for you for Dancin’ With The Stars and your rallies.  I’m callin’ it the Trumpty-Dumpty-Bumpty, and I’m almost done.”  Pepe replied proudly.
“I’ll Dance and Hop it out for you before your next rally, Boss.  The Sheeple will Love it !  I even added a few Goose Steps and some Hail to the Emperor hand movements to it.  I took a few tips from my farm friends, Gander Gussie and Ricky Rat,”  Pepe further explained.
“Fine.  Fine.  You know as well as I do that any publicity is good publicity, because any Attention is feel good Attention, Pepe.  Let me know when you’re little hop-n-bop is ready, and we’ll try it out on our Consuming Customers, called Constituents,”  Trump offered.
“Pepe, I need to ask a special favor of you, one Brother Alt-Right Frog to another Wanna’-Be-But-Can’t-Look-As-Though-I-Really-Am-Alt-Right-Frog- Supporter,”  Trump said under his breath.
“Spit it out, Boss.  I’m all ear-holes,”  Pepe croaked as his long tongue flicked out at lightning speed and snatched a gadfly out of mid-air.  “Ummm, grade-A, even around your Sauna.  Amazing !”
“Pepe, I’m going to have to denounce you publicly this week while wrapped within the Guardian Cloak of Veteran War Heroes croaking out Praises to me.  When what I’m actually doing is baiting the Press into an Advertising Campaign for my new Hotel wrapped into my Presidential Campaign in which I have to add a 27 second sound byte of my saying that the Black Man in our White House is really an American, and try to blame my Original Lies, about Obama on Hillary Clinton,”  Trump explained matter-of-factly.
“Mind you, I would have been a Heroic Warrior myself if it had not been for bone spurs in my feet.  Instead, I stayed home and Sacrificed my Life to my own Self-Service.  I made myself a Winner !  A Super Star Billionaire !  I fulfilled my Destiny !”  Trump said perfunctorily.
“Ribbit !  Yeah, I heard that one before, Boss.  That’s a good line.  Good for sound bytes and such,”  Pepe croaked supportively.
“I have to admit, Boss, that I probably would have developed bone spurs myself to get out the Line of Fire if I’d been on your Lily Pad,”  Pepe added.
“Yes, I am far too Superior a Being to be wasted on Battlefields.  I’m the guy who Orders Sheeple to War.  I’m not the guy who gets his hands dirty or bloodied by the Wars I might Choose to create for Profit or slight to my Hubris,”  Mr. Trumpty admitted laughingly.
“Boss, do you smell somethin’ cookin’ ?”  Pepe interrupted.
“No, Pepe, and don’t interrupt me when I’m on a roll.  That’s what moves my temperature up, Boy,”  Mr. Trumpty said grumpily.
“But, Boss, you’re lookin’ mighty Pink, and your hair’s a little darker Orange. And my fat green bottom is gettin’ a little tender,”  Pepe insisted. 
“Probably too many chemicals in the water,”  Mr. Trumpty said shortly.
“No, boss, I’m thinkin’ we’re both on a Slow boil, and that we should Trumpty-Dumpty-Bumpty right out of this Sauna of yours before we‘re fully cooked and somebody else‘s Full Meal Deal,”  Pepe persisted.
“Now, that you press the point, Pepe, I am feeling a bit overheated,”  Trump conceded.  “Alright, let’s hop out and order a couple of cool Grasshoppers to drink.”
“Now you’re croakin’, Boss !  Now, you’re croakin’ !”  Pepe exclaimed in relief as he hopped out of his soap dish sauna and onto a nearby lounge chair.
“As Trump heaved himself out of his own hot water he said, “You know, Pepe, I’ve been thinking about starting some Frog Hopping Classes at my infamous Trump University.  Think you and any of your amphibian friends might be interested ?”
“Can I get back to you on that one, Boss,”  Pepe said guardedly.  “I’ve got my little cold-blooded hands full right now with this Trumpty-Dumpty-Bumpty Dance routine for the upcomin’ rally, and that Dancin‘ With the Stars gig you‘re interested in manipulatin‘ to your benefit.”
“And, Boss, can you explain to me a little further why you have to deny me and my other Alt-Right Human Compatriots at this Hotel Advertisin‘-Presidential Campaign of Lies you’re about to produce ?”  Pepe asked frankly.
“Boss, are you not happy with the way me and my Human Brother Dragons and Sister Dragonettes have helped to get you to the point you’re at in this Human presidential campaign ?”  Pepe continued.
“Well, now, yes you, and the Alt-Right, and their supporters, have helped tremendously with getting me where I am in the presidential race.  But my Advisors are all over me, telling me that I have to admit that Obama is an American.  That I have to separate myself from the Birther Movement.  A Movement which  is near and dear to my heart-of-hearts.”  Trump said deprecatingly.
“Ribbit !  Tell me No, Boss !  Say it’s not so, Boss !”  Pepe said as he hopped up and down with great emotion in his lounge chair.
“I must tell you, yes, Pepe,”  Trump sighed.  “I want to be President.  I have to continually Lie to gain the Faith and Support of the Republican Party and their Sheeple.  But I’m a Con Man Business Man.  Lying and Hyperbolic Exaggeration come easily to me.  It’s the Heart of the Art of the Deal, my fine Amphibian Friend.”
“Not to mention the fact that I want to extend and expand my own Personal Empire as so many other 1%ers are doing around the World.  I want my share of the Global Spoils and Slaves.  Better that they are doing my bidding rather than somebody else’s.  Better that my Coffers are filled to overflowing than somebody else’s. 
“It’s all Trickle Down Economics, Pepe.  Humans like me have kept it locked In Place, and at Play since the Beginning of Humanity.”
“It’s the old Super Predator eats Sheeple Prey routine.  And we all know what I have Chosen to be within this World Order don’t we, Pepe ?”  Trump asked rhetorically.
“So, let me get this straight, Boss.  You are a Super Predator who has to hop around spreading Lies in order to live out another Lie in order to gain great Human Power and Profits.  Is that what I’m hearin’, Boss ?”  Pepe asked bluntly.
“Well, Ribbit ! I wouldn’t put it that way, but, yes,”  Trump answered mildly. 
“Boss, did you just Ribbit ?”  Pepe asked incredulously.
“Sometimes it just slips out of mouth subconsciously, Pepe,”  Trump answered a little self-consciously.  “My Advisors are always on me about my being more careful not to reveal who I really am, Ribbit !”
“There it goes again !”  Trump said exasperatedly.  “That’s one of the reasons my Wild Animal Killing Sons and I feel more comfortable around you and your Alt-Right kind, from time-to-time, Pepe.  It feels good to be more myself and ourselves,”  Trumpty croaked.
“Well, hop to it, Boss !  Hop to it !”  Pepe croaked enthusiastically.  “And
I‘ll finish adding the additional steps to the Trumpty-Dumpty-Bumpty Dance that you’ll have most of America and the World hoppin and boppin’ to before long !”
Pepe hopped up and down excitedly and croaked loudly, “Yes, sir, you’ll have us all hoppin’ and boppin’ erratically to the Right and erratically to the Left, but never gettin’ Centered as you Spin us crazily All around.”
“We’ll Dance the Trumpty-Dumpty-Bumpty and get dizzier and meaner as we Spin so that You, boss, can Win !  That’s what the Trumpty-Dumpty-Bumpty is all about !  Ribbit !!


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A Young Boy/Man's Rage, and A Knife He Wanted to Be a Gun
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