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The 10 commandments of using Facebook The 10 commandments of using Facebook
by Akli Hadid
2014-12-03 11:47:25
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1st Commandment: You shall confirm your presence at Facebook events but never attend. Seriously, whenever an event is posted on Facebook, I go there and it turns out none of the 120 people who said they would attend end up showing up.

2nd Commandment: You shall preach your beliefs until you convert people. Seriously, if you hate McDonalds, are a vegan, a Republican, left-wing, right-wing, far-right, far-left, utopian, romantic, straight, homophobic, LGBT or asexual, you will try to convince everyone to adopt your views, or if possible, your lifestyle.

3rd Commandment: You shall replace Google by Facebook because your friends are more reliable. Wonder if the public library opens on Christmas eve? Or if the supermarket opens on Boxing day. Don't bother Googling it or looking it up. Your friends will try to show you how much they like you by Googling it for you.

4th Commandment: You shall sell your junk on Facebook. Used car you no longer need? A pair of socks you don't like? Why not try to sell it on Facebook? That's until you realize there's something called shipping, and you asked people 1,000 miles from where you live if they're interested. Or you realize no one will buy a bus ticket just to pick up a pair of socks.

5th Commandment: You shall find all your jobs through a Facebook friend. Remember the good old days when we actually used to think about what we wanted to do when we grew up, tried to find as much information as we could about the industry, found out what companies had the best pay and working conditions, and tried to network our way to those jobs? Now that has been replaced by "does anyone know a lead to a job? Any job!"

6th Commandment: You shall air your dirty laundry every time you have a bad day. Problems with the wife or husband? Problems with the kids? With your boss? With the random guy in the street? I remember the old days when we had a beer or two and our problems were history. Now before having a beer or two, we need to inform the rest of the world about our problems.

7th Commandment: You shall skip meetings with friends so you can have meetings on Facebook. I remember 20 years ago I bought my first Nintendo and decided to skip a meeting with friends so I could play with my new toy. Half way through the meeting I realized I was wasting my time and missing out on an actual meeting with friends. Today, I'll invite people for a beer who will decline, only to find them posting away on Facebook. Cheers!

8th Commandment: You shall disagree with your friends and shame them publicly. I still have meetings where my boss and co-workers will say crazy things and I'll wait until the end of the meeting before I tell them they had bad ideas and should change their mind. But on Facebook people can't stay away from the keyboard, and often don't know what PM means.

9th Commandment: You shall post pictures and information about your "friends" without their permission or consent. Yes because if you had a meeting with a friend, took pictures and had a private conversation, why shouldn't all that go public? If you get drunk, speak ill of someone, or get humiliated in private, why shouldn't the rest of the world know?

10th Commandment: You shall be shocked that your private information is public. You set your private information in public mode hoping that a modeling agency, TV production company0 or Fortune 500 company notice you and hire you. But you then mismanage your profile and forget to get back into private mode. That's when your ex-ex-ex-ex boyfriend or girlfriend notices everything you post and makes a sarcastic remark that makes you blush. You also decide to add random people you've never met for "networking" purposes only to realize they're psychopaths. 


     
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Leah Sellers2014-12-04 19:06:41
Hello Mr. Akli Hadid,
Very amusing and truthful article, sir. Thank you. I just joined Facebook this past year, but have nothing but wonderful experiences with it (thus far). I've been able to get back in touch with many old friends of mine, and thoroughly enjoy catching up on their lives and sharing pictures of their Children and Grandchildren. We also share a lot of jokes and funny videos with one another. Perhaps, I am not using Facebook responsibly ? Ha !


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