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OverLordin' Waterboardin'
by Leah Sellers
2014-04-15 08:45:51
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“Hey Ricky, toss me that burlap sack would ya’.”
“Sure thing, Mr. Lord.”  Ricky tossed his Team Leader the burlap sack he requested and added, “Sir, can you explain to me again why we’re runnin’ this Test ?”
“Well, Ricky, I’m not in the habit of explainin’ the things I myself am ordered to do, but in this case I can understand your concerns.  So, I’ll answer as best I can,”  Mr. Lord conceded.
“It appears that there is a Question amongst many Americans about whether or not Waterboardin’ is Torture.  Especially, since it was used so frequently and broadly after the murderin’ events of 9/11 that killed some 3,000 folks in the World Trade Buildings.”
“So, these Experiments that we’re carryin’ out now are to clarify the data collected on the possible Torturous Aspects of Waterboardin’.”
Mr. Lord paused and said, “Eddie tilt that board a little lower will ya’.  We gotta’ make sure that he gets a near-drowning effect.  We want the Water gushin’ into the Subject’s Nose, Mouth (when he opens it to breathe in deep), his Eyes and his Ears.  We want him to Experience the total Sensory Experience given to all of the other Waterboardin’ Subjects in the past.”
“Alright, now Ricky, you pick up that Bucket of Water and let the Floodgates open wide.  When the Waterboardin’ Bucket is empty, we’ll swing the Subject up and ask him a few Questions about his overall Experience with Near-Drownin’”
“But, Sir, we’ve had this particular Subject in this particular Experiment three times now, and he refuses to Answer any of your Questions,”  Ricky, the Bucket Boy, expressed doubtfully.
“Young Man, you have your orders, and we’re adding’ a few Minutes to this Subject’s WaterBoardin’ Experience today to see if we can’t loosen his tongue up a bit.  You just do what your told, comprende ?”
“Yes Sir, Mr. Lord.  Just as you say, Sir.”
“Alright, Ricky, start pourin’, and don’t stop until I tell you to do so.  Are we clear ?  Mr. Lord asked abruptly.
“Yes, Sir.  Clear as the Water in this Bucket, Sir.”  With that said, Ricky turned toward the cursing and struggling, burlap-headed Subject strapped onto the head-down tilted Waterboard and began to steadily pour Water into the Subject’s face.
The squirming Subject gave up his threats and curses for intermittent gasps and gulps of oxygenated air.  He writhed and sputtered, huffed and puffed, begged and pleaded for the water to stop between his much needed breaths for several minutes.  When the subject stopped struggling, and his breaths became more shallow and less frequent.  Mr. Lord said,”  Alright, Ricky, stop.”
Mr. Lord then turned to Eddie,  “Eddie get me those Research Question papers and pen off of the table so I can ask this Subject a few questions.  Ricky, you take the burlap sack off of the Subject’s head.”
“Yes, Sir,”  Ricky answered, and immediately removed the soaked burlap sack from the Subject’s soaked head.  “Sir, the Subject’s lips are a little purpley-blue this time around.  What can we do about that, Sir ?”
“Pop that board straight up, Ricky.  Eddie you help him.  If he still has trouble comin’ back around we’ll give him a little mouth-to-mouth and an oxygen mask,”  Mr. Lord instructed.
“Yes Sir, Mr. Lord,”  Ricky answered.  “Sir, standin’ him up straight seems to have done the job.  His lip and face colorin’ are startin’ to normalize.”
“Good, good.  Eddie, before we get started here, I want you to prepare Room thirty-two for our next Subject.  This room’s a mess,”  Mr. Lord ordered.
“Yes Sir, Mr. Lord.  After I’ve prepared Room thirty-two, what Subject should I pull out the cell block, Sir ?”
“A fella’ by the name of Tumsfeld,”  Mr. Lord answered matter-of-factly.
“Yes Sir.  Right away, Sir,”  Eddie said as he left the Waterboardin’ Room.
 Now, let’s get down to business, shall we gentlemen,”  Mr. Lord said gruffly as he picked up his Research Questions and pen.  “Alright, Mr. Chain-Chain-Chainy, first Question on the list, would you consider Waterboardin’ Torture ?  A simple yes or no will do.”

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