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"But Mr. RuffleFeathers..."
by Leah Sellers
2014-02-09 11:31:08
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“Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, We need to bring back Chastity Belts to help depress, repress and oppress Women’s Lady Parts, and out-of-control Libidos !”
A Young Journalist struggled through the crowd of other journalists and Republican/Tea Party RuffleFeather admirers.  “But, Mr. RuffleFeathers, what about the Men the Women Partner with, Sir ?”
“Yes, Young Man, it does take Two to Teasingly Tango or Routily Rhumba.  Two to get the Bees Buzzin’ and the Honey to Flowin’.  But We the People Need to go back to the days when the Onus was on the Backs and Lady Parts of Women,”  RuffleFeathers explained.
“It’s simple Ladies.  You can Be the Madonna - the Virgin Mother Mary or
Be the Whore - Mary Magdeline.  There is no in between.  There’s no room for hanky-pankyin’ shades of gray here.  No Siree, Ladies.  You’re either a Respectable Virgin Mary or a Loosy-Goosy, Lewd and Lascivious Maggie.
Your Choices between are slim-to-none, Honey Buns,”  RuffleFeathers further extemporized.
“The Pill - Contraception of any kind makes Women Irresponsible in the Usages of their Lady Parts.  Women are the Weaker-of-the-Two-Sexes- Seductresses, and the Democrats and the Government want to step in to help your Lewd and Lascivious Moments of Weakness right along.  They want to make you dependent on them for the Contraceptive Excuses to be Loosy-Goosy, Lewd and Lascivious Maggies !”  RuffleFeathers further extorted.
“But, Mr. RuffleFeathers, what about the Men the Women are Partnering with, Sir ?”
“You again ?  Yes, Women Need to Partner with Men, and preferably stay at Home to Raise the Fruits of their Partnering.  The Democrats and the Government are De-meaning our WomenFolk by making them Dependent on the Government for the HealthCare the Government is tryin’ to make more Affordable for EveryOne.  We Republican/Tea Partiers want to EmPower our Women by placing all of the Responsibilities of Birth where it should Be - On Them.”
“Women, stand up and strap on your Chastity Belts !  Tell the Nosy-Poke, Intrusive Government, ‘No !’  That You are in control of your Lady Parts !  Not Them !  Be a Patriot !  Let Freedom and Liberty Ring !  Be Real Americans !  Wave your Chastity Belts High, and Say and Vote ‘No’ to the Government’s Contraception HealthCare Meddlin’ !”
“But, Mr. RuffleFeathers, when you were the Governor of Arkinsaw, didn’t you sign into Law a measure forcing the Insurance Companies of your State to offer Contraceptive Health Services to Women ?”
“Well, ahem, you have done your homework, I see.  Well, maybe I did.  But Obama is the President now, and the Democrats have too much Influence over all of our WomenFolk because of some of our so-called bigoted and exclusionary views.  Ahem, Times have changed so the Messaging and the Actions backing that Messaging must also Change.  We’re living in Changing Times that we Republican/Tea Partiers would like to UnChange.”
“What I really mean to relay is that We’ve got to put that Democratic Woman, Hillary Clinton, and other Women like her, and all of their Lady Parts in their place before she runs for President !  If she gets elected President the Gig is up for the Rule of Man-kind.”
“Ahem, perhaps I’ve said too much.  I think that we’re due for a Dis-tracting Change of Topic….”
“But, Mr. RuffleFeathers, what about the Women who want and need to put off having the Fruits of their Partnering with Men, because they too must Work outside of the Home just to Responsibly make ends meet for their Families and ThemSelves ?  Or the Women who should not bear Fruit of any kind due to Pre-existing Medical Difficulties and Reasons ?”
“Young Man, Women are supposed to Submit their Lady Parts to the Needs and Wishes of Men.  Women should stop competing with men in the tough Job Markets that exist today.  We need more Women in the Home taking Care of the Men who go out into the World to Work and bring Home the Sizzlin’ Bacon.”
“But, Mr. RuffleFeather, what about Single Women who have Children that the Men they Partnered with Chose to Walk Away from ?  Men who Abandon the Women and their Children for other Women or who are not even aware that they Seeded Children, because the Women they Partnered with could not Afford Contraception or Contraceptive HealthCare ?”
“You have made my point for me, Young Man.  Women Need Chastity Belts and need to learn how to Harness In their Healthy Libidos.  That’s all the Birth Control the Women of America need.  Chastity Belts and Self Control over the Desires of their out-of-control Lady Parts.”
“But, Mr. RuffleFeather, what about the Men the Women are Partnering with, Sir ?”
“Son, you’re a Man.  It’s only Natural, and God’s Desire that Men have a strong Libidinal Drive.  We can’t help it.  So, the Women must !  The Responsibility lies with the WomenFolk to control what happens with and to their Lady Parts, and up to Men to keep Power Drivin’, so-to-speak, right along.”
“So, Women hold your Chastity Belts High, and repeat after me, and the other MenFolk in this Republican/Tea Partyin’ Committee Room.  Down with Uncle Sam-Uncle Sugar !  Down with Contraceptive Health Services for Women !  Up with Virgin Mother Marys’ !  Down with Loosy-Goosy, Lewd and Lascivious Maggies !  Let the Nation Be filled with Chastity Belts !  Be filled with Celestial Mary’s, and rid of Worldly Maggies !”
“But, Mr. RuffleFeathers….”
Mr. RuffleFeathers abruptly interrupted the Young Journalist and said curtly,
“Young Man, get into the groove and get In Line, before I take the Chastity Belt I’m holdin’ right here in my very Hands and wrap it around that rebellious mouth of yours.”
“But, Mr. RuffleFeathers….?”

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