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Conspiracy Theories and the Devil - That Made Them Do It !?
by Leah Sellers
2013-11-20 07:50:08
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“Good morning, Mr. Max.  How are you today, sir ?”

“ I’m alright.”  Mr. Max eyeballed Cheyenne intently.  “I’m glad you’re wearing Green.”

“Yes sir, it’s one of my favorite colors.  Sir, you’ve never said anything about the color of my clothing before.  Is there a reason you’re talking about my wearing Green now ?”

“You know.”

“No sir, I’m afraid I don’t.”

“It’s the Blue Birds.”

“The Blue Birds, sir ?”

“Yeah, you know those Blue Birds at the front desk who think that they can always tell me what to do.”

“Are you talking about the Charge Nurses who dress in blue uniforms, Mr. Max.”

Mr. Max nodded in affirmation.

“Sir, the Nurses are here at the Nursing Home to help you.  We all are.”

“You’re my Care Giver-Companion, and you’re dressed in Green.  That means that you’re on My Side.”

“Yes sir, my blouse is Green, but my pants are navy Blue.  So, I guess that means that I’m on Your Side for the most part, Mr. Max,” Cheyenne answered grinning playfully.

“Sir, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you angry with Nurses in Blue ?”

“I don’t want to take my medicines, and they force me to do it,”  Mr. Max yelled loudly.

“They force you to take it, sir. ?”

“Yes, they stand over me, and won’t leave until I take the darn stuff.”

“Yes, sir.  Mr. Max, the medicines that the Nurses give you have been ordered by the doctor for your heart and your blood pressure.  It’s important that you take them for your overall health, sir.”

theories01_400“That’s not you talking.  That’s the Computer talking.”

“The Computer, sir ?”

“Yes, yes.  Don’t act as if you don’t know what I’m talking about.  The Computer.  The Computer is telling the whole World what to do.  That’s why the whole World is going to hell in a hand basket,”  Mr. Max continued to yell.

“Mr. Max, can you tell me what the Computer is telling us all to do ?”

“Stop playing dumb.  The Computer is telling the weather what to do.  That’s why we had all of that stormy weather and flooding over the past two days.  The Computer is trying to run our Country and the World.  The Computer is telling Obama what to do.  He wants to give everything away to fat slobs that sit on the couch all day taking in all of our Tax Dollars.  Lazy Bums that need to get their Fat Bums off of the couch, and go out and get a job !  They need to get off of those Computers and stop doing what the Computers are saying, and go out and Work, just like me.  I worked hard all of my life for everything I‘ve got.  I don‘t want to give those bums any money for Food Stamps for their kids.  They need to get out and work for it just like I had to.  Just listen to FOX News.  They'll tell you all about it !”  Mr. Max was still yelling.

“Yes sir, I understand your point of view, Mr. Max.  Computers do have a stronghold on all of our Global Societies and Economies right now.  But people have a Choice as to what they read and watch on their Computers, sir.  I don’t think that they really tell people what to do.”  Cheyenne said calmly.

“What planet do you live on.  It’s Computers - Computers telling us all what to do and when to do it.  It’s all Make Believe.  Everybody’s living in Make Believe.  It‘s not real.  Any of it.”  Mr. Max argued.

“Mr. Max, sir, are you trying to say that nobody is living in Reality.  Reality as you once knew it.  But that all of us are instead living in a Make Believe Reality created for all of us to function within ?”

“Yes, yes.  That’s right.  Nothing’s real.  It’s all Make Believe.”  Mr. Max gave his Care Giver-Companion a knowing smile.

“Well, I know something that’s Real this morning, sir.  And that’s the breakfast awaiting you down at the Dining Hall.  Why don’t we finish getting you cleaned up, shaved and dressed.  And I can wheel you on down to your favorite meal of the day,”  Cheyenne cheerily redirected.

“Well, alright.

Thirty minutes later, Cheyenne was wheeling Mr. Max down to the Dining Hall.  She headed over to the table Mr. Max had been moved to by the Head Nurse, because the Little Ladies at the table he had occupied beforehand had requested that he “eat elsewhere”.

It appears that Mr. Max had an unruly habit of yelling at the drop of a hat, and spitting his food and ice from his tea glass out onto the table and at the Little Ladies themselves from time to time.  And the Little Ladies having had quite enough of his “Bullying” wanted him “moved”.

So, the Head Nurse had relocated Mr. Max to another table with a gentleman named Filbert, who seemed to get along with Mr. Max for longer periods of time.

As Cheyenne began to roll Mr. Max’s wheelchair up to his Table of ReLocation, Mr. Max began kicking his legs about in a frenzy.

“I don’t want to sit here.  I don’t have to do what the Blue Birds and the Computer tell me to do.  I want to sit over there.  I want to sit at the Center Table with the Ladies.”

“Mr. Max, sir, if you can promise me that you will not yell or spit food or ice at the Little Ladies, I will be more than happy to move you over to the Center Table.”

“I won’t make that promise.  This is a Free Country, and I am a Free Man !”  Mr. Max yelled. 

Fortunately, Cheyenne had gotten Mr. Max down to the Dining Hall before very many of the other residents had arrived for their meals.

“I can do anything I want to do !  I can yell !  I can spit !”  With that statement, Mr. Max hockered up some thick phlegm and spit it out onto the Dining Hall’s floor.

Cheyenne quickly grabbed some napkins, cleaned the mess up and threw the dirty napkins into a nearby trash receptacle.

“I thought you were on my side.  You’re wearing Green.  You wore Green to make me think that you’re on my side.  Did the Computer tell you to do that ?"  Mr. Max yelled accusingly.

“Mr. Max, sir.  I wore this Green blouse today because I like it, and I like the color Green.  My eyes are Green, and it brings out the color of my eyes.  I did not consort with any Computer before getting dressed and ready for work today, sir.”

“Sir, I suggest that we go to the Head Nurse and check with her about your sitting at the Little Ladies Center Table once again.”

“No, no.  I don’t want to talk to that Blue Bird.  She’ll do what the Computer tells her to do.”

“Sir, if you stop yelling so that we can approach her calmly and quietly, I feel sure that she will want to work with you regarding your seating arrangement.”

“The Computer won’t let her.  She’s living in Make Believe.  She’ll do what it tells her to do.  She can’t help herself.’

Cheyenne stopped rolling the wheelchair toward the Nurses’ Station.  She made sure that Mr. Max was looking her straight in the eyes.  “Mr. Max, sir, I understand that you are afraid of all of the Changes going on in the World today.”

“Darn right I am.  Everybody needs to slow down and think about what they’re doing, and why they’re doing it.  Not wander around all day long in Computer Make Believe.”

“Sir, philosophically speaking, I agree with some parts of your assertions regarding Make Believe and Reality, and what creates various Realities, including the Realities of Make Believe.  But, sir, everyone here is on your side.  No matter what color they happen to be the wearing, Blue or Green, we are all here to help you, and other Folks who live here.”

“That’s because the Computers are telling you to !”  Mr Max yelled rebelliously.

“Mr. Max, sir, Computers do not rule my life.  I see my Computer as a Tool of Communication and Creation.  My Tool.  My Communication.  My Creation.”

“Then the Devil is making you not be on my side.  The Devil is making you Lie, and telling you not to do what I want you to do through your Computer.”  Mr. Max yelled more loudly and assertively.

A tall, handsome black orderly passed Cheyenne and Mr. Max on his way to answer another resident’s light.  “Do you need any help with Mr. Max ?”

Mr. Max looked defiantly at the young black man, and began to sing,  “O-ba-ma !  O-ba-ma !  He’s telling the whole World to Change overnight.  He wants to Feed the World and make everybody Equal.  Impossible !  He’s programming the Computers !The Devil made him do it !  The Devil !”

Cheyenne smiled sweetly at Henry, and said, “We’re on our way to speak with the Head Nurse.  But thank you for your kind offer.  We’ll see you a little later in the Dining Hall.”

‘You sure ?”  Henry queried

“Yes, thank you, Henry.”  With that said, Cheyenne began rolling Mr. Max down the long hallway once again toward the Nurses’ Station.

“O-ba-ma !  O-ba-ma !”  Mr. Max continued to sing all the way down the hallway, and into any and every open room door they passed, startling a number of unsuspecting residents.

“You know, I’ve never asked you before Mr. Max, but are you a Republican or a Democrat, sir.”

“I’m a Republican.  But it’s all Make Believe.  They don’t even know who they are anymore.  The whole Republican Party has gone crazy.  They’re all listening to the Computer.  And the Devil lives inside that darn Machine !  It‘s making the whole Country crazy !  The whole World crazy !  It‘s the end, I tell you !  The end !”  Mr. Max yelled.

The Head Nurse, hearing what was heading her direction, left her charting, stood up, and smiling beatifically at Mr. Max asked,  “What can we do for you today, Max.”

“I’m not talking to you Blue Birds !”  Mr. Max announced agitatedly.

Smiling patiently, Cheyenne explained Mr. Max’s wanting to return to the Center Table with the Little Ladies.

“I don’t see why we can’t do that, if Max can promise not to yell and spit food and ice chips at the Little ladies at the Table.”

“I will promise no such thing !  I am a Free Man !  This is a Free Country.  I fought in WWII so that all of y’all worthless louts could be Free to live off of Food Stamps !  Social Security !  Medicare !  Medicaid !  And demand hard working Americans like me for Higher Wages so that you can go out and buy bags of potato chips to munch on while you sit down on some couch somewhere watching t.v. or some Computer, and get Lazy Bum fat !  Now, that’s Freedom for you !  For you, maybe, but not for me !  Not for me !  You're all Socialists !  Communists !  Bible toting Atheists !"  Max yelled.

“Excuse me, Max, but if my memory serves me correctly, You receive Social Security and Medicare Benefits.”  The Head Nurse asked Mr. Max matter-of-factly.

“What of it.  It’s my right as a Free American to receive Benefits I paid for.  Benefits I deserve and need.”

“Yes, Max, you’re right.  You, and every other American.”

Seeking to redirect the energies between Mr. Max and the Head Nurse, Cheyenne said brightly,  “Good then, I’ll help Mr. Max eat at the Little Ladies Center Table.  I’m sure that everything will be fine.  Mr. Max must be missing his Little Lady Friends.

“I’m not missing any of those women.  I just don’t like being told what I can and cannot do.”  Mr. Max announced grumpily.

Before the Head Nurse could retort, Cheyenne wheeled off with Mr. Max, saying over her shoulder, “Thank you, Ms. Chelsea.  We appreciate your help.”

Ms. Chelsea did not reply.  She stared blandly after Cheyenne and Mr. Max for a brief moment, and then returned to her chair and her paperwork.

When Cheyenne and Mr. Max arrived at the Dining Hall, the Little Ladies Table had filled up with its usual residents.

“Hello, Ladies.  Look who’s back to join y’all for breakfast.”  Cheyenne chirped.

“He’s supposed to eat with Filbert.”  Ms. Geraldine pronounced curtly.

“He really missed y’all’s company, and thought he might join y’all this morning.”  Cheyenne offered hopefully.

“No yelling and no spitting, Max, or you’re out of here for good.”  Ms. Hazel, a No-NonSense Little Lady from Abilene, Texas demanded.

“Why, Ladies, when have y’all ever known me to be anything but a Gentleman ?”

Cheyenne could not help herself,  she interjected, “I guess ya’ll are all eating in the wonderful Reality of Make Believe this morning.  What a terrific way to start the day.”  She clapped her hands together smiling happily.  “Mr. Max, I’m going to run over to the counter and grab you some nice cold milk and Eggs Benedict, sir.  Y’all please excuse me, before the Devil in the Computer forces me to do something else in a different Reality.”  Cheyenne hobbled quickly away from the table toward the food counter.

“What is that girl talking about, Max ?”  asked Ms. Matilda.

“Don’t ask me.  I don’t know where she gets half of what rattles around in that head of hers.”  Max laughed heartily right along with the chuckling Little Ladies at the Center Table.

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