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Measles' Evolutionary Creationism Measles' Evolutionary Creationism
by Leah Sellers
2013-09-06 12:16:29
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“Oh my, darlin’.  I never knew that you suffered from occasional outbreaks of acne,”  Missy Prissy announced, quite mortified by her Good Church Lady friend’s red spotted condition.
 
“Why, Missy, what are you talkin’ about ?  I have never suffered from the condition of acne.  In fact, I am well known for my peaches and cream complexion,” replied Darlene Praline with cooing vexation.
 
“Well, I am referrin’ to the red spots you have coverin’ your face and neck, Darlene.  And upon closer inspection, also covering the inside of your arms and the back of your hands,”  Missy Prissy insisted, and backed up a step.
 
“In fact, Darlene, I have seen spots like these before.  I declare, and I do Believe, that you have the Measles,”  Missy said, as she backed up another step, holding her lace handkerchief over her nose and mouth like a hospital mask.
 
“That cannot Be, Missy !  I have Sought the Wisdom of God.  I have a Faith Commitment to keep the Measles Bug away from me and mine !  I am a Faithful Creationist Denialist.  Measles is an Evolutionary Dis-ease !  I cannot.  I will not have it !”  Darlene announced in between wheezing breaths and panicked gesticulations.
 
“The Preacher and his Wife told us not to vaccinate ourselves or our Children, because inoculation shots can give Children Autism.  Just imagine what one of those shots could do to a full grown adult !”  Darlene continued.
 
“In our Church we listen to God and the Preacher.  And occasionally the Peacher’s Wife.  And maybe a couple of Church Deacons.  But we do not listen to Doctors steeped in Modern Science.  They cannot be Trusted !”
 
“I place my Trust in God, and in Faith Healing !”  Darlene almost yelled a bit hysterically.
 
“Well, from where I’m standin’, and you can Believe me.  And I am telling you this in all Faith, Darlene.  Despite your Creationist Denialism, you are covered with the red spots of Measles.  And what’s worse, is that since you and your Family chose not to be vaccinated for Measles, just like some other idgets in this fine Chruch of ours, when most other folks in West Texas were.  You have now exposed everyone who came to Church today, and that includes me and mine, to the Measles.”  Missy Prissy chided.
 
“Luckily, I had the Measles when I was just knee-high to a grasshopper.  So, I don’t think that I can catch it again.  But not everyone else around here is as fortunate as me, Missy.  In fact, I’ll bet you a Broadman’s Hymnal that most of the Folks around here took the same advice from the Preacher and his Wife that you did.”
 
“And darlin’, Measles can be a very dangerous dis-ease.  It can work its way into pneumonia.  Measles Outbreaks have been known to have a high death rate.  In fact, the only way to snuff out dis-eases is to have a Herd Immunization.  Everyone should get the vaccination - the Shot - you and your Family refused,”  Missy informed her Good Church Lady friend.
 
“But the Preacher said, ‘The Tribulations of Vaccinations and Inoculations will bring you Lamentations !’”  Darlene insisted rubbing the red, itchy spots on the back of her splotchy peaches and curdled cream hands.
 
“Darlene, you need to stop scratchin’ those red spots or you’ll scar yourself for life,”  Missy Prissy advised.  “And if I were you, I’d listen to your own Good Common Sense.  “Cause I’m not hesitiatin’ or miscontemplatin’ you or our congregation to the apparent conflagrations of the red Measles bumps coverin’ your spotted, peppermint hide.”
 
“Now, darlin’, you put your Creationist Denial aside, because the Measles are Evolutionizin’ all over your Body, despite your Beliefs, and Faith, and misplaced Pride.  Just looky there at the front and back of your legs, Darlene.  The red spots are beginnin‘ to pop through your Sunday hose !”  Missy exclaimed.
 
“Come on, Darlene.  Let’s go find Ralph and your two little ones, and get you tucked into bed.  And then I’m goin’ to call Doctor Moses and find out if it’s not to late for the rest of your family, and anyone else I can convince, to be Herd Immunized.  Now, that’s somethin’ worth Prayin’ and Seekin’ God’s Wisdom about.”


    
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